Woggzeh's World

Six o'clock already, I was just in the middle of a dream.

2012-01-30T23:47:00.002Z

Shit.
Totally forgot to update this month.
News.....
Left my job at Multiyork, went to work at Disability Action Yorkshire, I'm so happy about this fact that I could explode.
Got myself a girlfriend, Emma, She's gorgeous, intelligent and amazing, I'm so happy about this fact I did explode! (if you know what I mean).
Life is fantastic at the moment, I couldn't ask for more.
Will try do a proper blog in February.
Hope you are all well.

Whoopa!!!

Woggzeh.

Come now sing with me, Proper Crimbo, I'll take you for a drink with me, Proper Crimbo

2011-12-23T14:11:00.002Z

Word!

Merry Christmas and all that Jazz. It's only 2 days away and I'm sick to death of it. I wrapped all my presents and hour ago and I have back ache from bending over the table and I have a paper cut too!
Anyway, it's all done and if I've forgotten anything then balls to it.
So, I can't remember what I last wrote and I can't be bothered t read through it.But basically, I've started a new job at Multiyork and I already hate it. I'm not allowed to do anything until I've leaned all the product knowledge (which should take 3-6 months)so basically I'm bored, staring at the window waiting for home time.
I'm still volunteering at Disability Action Yorkshire which is still brilliant. I absolutely love it there and hopefully there will be a position opening soon so I can leave Multiyork. But I don't want to say too much in case I jinx it.
Other than that I don't have a right lot to tell you.
So, Merry Christmas one and all and I hope you all have a happy new year.

As always, Christmas isn't Christmas without a mucky picture. So here it is.

Woggzeh.

Sugar smile savvy, The king of the kerb, Got a temper in the style of a bomb.

2011-12-11T11:24:00.002Z

Hey hey Rock and Roll!

WHAT A WEEK!

Get comfortable and I'll tell you about it until I get bored.
Last Saturday I got a phone call from MULTIYORK Furniture showroom requesting I attend a second interview on Monday, so I went along to that and I thought it went really well and was quietly confident that I would get offered the job and guess what.......I got the job!!!!
I'm really happy about it too as it's an amazing salary, which includes a pension and 30 days holiday a year. The Commission structure is a bit complicated, there is a personal commission which I get for selling a sofa, then there is the shop commission which is a big pot and when everyone who works there sells an item they get their personal commission and then another percentage of commission goes into the pot and this is then divvied up at the end of the month and split between all the staff, so if I have a shocking month of sales and another lad has a great month of sales, I still get a piece of the pie!
Then there is a 3rd commission, which is paid when you sell additional items like insurance, cleaner, cushions etc etc.
All in all the commissions work out on average at £6k a year, but there is no limit on how much commission you earn so the more I can sell the more I can get.
I start on Monday so I'll let you know in my next update how I get on!
Phones4U also phoned me up to discuss a job opportunity in Harrogate, I missed the phone call but they left a voice mail and sent me an email asking me to contact them. But fuck them. They had their opportunity last month, so I didn't bother returning their call,it was only a £14K salary + commission. I wouldn't get out of bed for that!
Thirdly my voluntary stint at Disability Action Yorkshire has come to an end and to be honest I am really sad to be leaving as I have loved every minute of working there! so much so that I am still going to try and return 1 day a week to help out, update the website and make them some money.
My boss at DAY, Ange was upset to see me leave and she did everything she could to put together a tempting full time contract offer to keep me there (She already offered me part time) and if I'm honest, if she had managed to offer me something near my Multiyork wage, I would have been seriously tempted to sign up.This may have been my heart ruling my head but it's rare to find work that ticks all the boxes for you and you go to work every morning with a smile on your face! Anyway, he boss couldn't squeeze the budget this month to start paying another full timer - but January/February will be when they start looking for new staff and I'm currently top of everyone's wish list at DAY to join the team! which is nice.
So basically, after a shit year on the job hunting front and not having job offers or interviews. I now have had 3 job offers in 1 week!
Who said the country is in ruins?
That'll do. I'll update before Xmas.

Woggzeh

Just lying smiling in the dark Shooting stars around your heart Dreams come bouncing in your head Pure and simple everytime

2011-11-20T12:47:00.004Z

Ah, Here we are again, a blank page a blank mind and the only blog on the net with 17 followers who probably don't care if I update or not.
So let me tell you about my week.
So last Monday I went for an interview with Phones4U.
I had to get the train to Leeds which is a boring journey. I honestly couldn't commute every day.
Anyway the 'assessment day' and interviews are held in the morning and afternoon respectively. The assessment morning is all about team bonding and drags you so far out of your comfort zone they may as well have stripped me naked and thrown me out into the street.
85 people arrived in the morning and after the introduction speeches a few had sloped off, a thought that had crossed my mind initially, but as I was there I decided to throw myself into it head first.
Once we were split into groups we were sent to our respective corners and my first assessment was this scenario: "You are all on a burning yacht in the middle of the Pacific Ocean there is only one life boat and it can only hold 5 people, you must decide who to save by arguing your usefulness by the item you will bring to the lifeboat" we were all given cards with an item on them and then we had to make our point to be saved. The guy with the Army rations had an easy argument. I had the mosquito net, so I was fucked.
Part 2 was to pitch a phone, we were given sheets with information about a phone, we had 2 minutes to make notes and then stand up in front of everyone and pitch the phone. This was probably my most comfortable challenge as it's just basic selling, I know a thing or two about that and so instead of standing there reeling off the information about the phone, I hit the high points and let my enthusiasm and ability to tell the audience that this phone is fantastic and a marked improvement on the old model to sell the item. I explained that I felt that you can overwhelm people with information that they don't need to know, like the weight of the phone or the operation system, That's information you should know but only offer if you are asked, simple. Anyway, I aced that one.
Part 3 was to draw your perfect moment and talk about if for two minutes. I resisted the temptation to draw some porn, so I drew a cup of tea and a biscuit and explained how a brew is universal in bringing people together and a great way to relax, blah blah blah. Fair to say I did well.
Part 4 was supposedly the easiest challenge, You had to stand in front of everyone and talk about yourself for a timed 2 minutes. This is really difficult to do in front of an audience and I realised on my way home that the people who put their hands in their pockets didn't get asked back for an interview. I learned years ago to keep my hands away from my pockets that it's almost un-natural for me to put my hands in my pockets when nervous, I actually go on the charm offensive.
Anyway I was allowed to speak for 2 and a half minutes. The bloke timing me said I was doing so well he didn't want to stop me. I also used a tip I was told for doing my Best Man speech. That's to focus on a few people who are spread out so it looks as though you are addressing everyone. Simple but effective. Fair to say I aced that one. I later learned that I scored 37 out of 40, which means I scored 10/10 in at least one of my assessments.
I was called back for an interview in the afternoon,this was 2pm and the man said that we could be there for a few hours so if anybody had to be anywhere then let them know and they would process them first. My hand shot up immediately, I didn't have anywhere to be but I couldn't be arsed sitting around for hours for a 5 minute interview so I invented an appointment at 16:30 and I was processed first. How's that for thinking on my feet? Bitches.
I received an email yesterday - Saturday - That I didn't get the job because they have no openings available for me, but they were extremely impressed with me and will keep my details on file and let me know if anything comes up. But bollocks to that I'm a one time only deal.
On Wednesday I started doing voluntary work at a place up Hornbeam Park called Disability Action Yorkshire which is a charity organisation. I work in the warehouse doing a bit of everything and it's right up my street because it's a bit like an auction house/store room. Loads of cool things to be processed and sold. I've been on delivery and collections, processing, administration, sales and next week I'll be cracking on with getting stuff listed on Ebay.
The things we sell are bedroom/bathroom/dining furniture that gets donated. We only deal with quality goods, also we deal with stuff that isn't donated. So if you have an item that you want to sell we can sell it for you and take a commission and everyone is happy, we have a 3 piece suite in for £25 and a huge dining table and chairs for £15. We also have a settee for £2000 so there really is something for everyone and also if you are a trying to furnish a flat and don't want to spend a fortune then it's an ideal solution, it's only early days at the moment so it's not too busy but It's fair to say that I'm loving it. There might be an opportunity to start full time in January too which I'm going to try and get so I'll be working my little socks off and show them that life will be so much easier with me on board.
Here is a picture of my domain:

I think that will do for now. Hope you are all ok.
Laters

Woggzeh

I never saw it as the start It's more a change of heart Rapping on the windows, whistling down the chimney pot

2011-10-12T13:44:00.002+01:00

Hello readers.

I don't really have much to say (as usual) but I'm bored and my fingers are hurting from playing my guitar.
I picked up my guitar today for the first time in over a year and tried to tune it, I'm thinking there is something wrong with my manual tuner so I got an app for my phone and five minutes later I have a fully tuned guitar so hats off to that app.
The reason I've picked my guitar up is because I want. No I need to write at least one new song ASAP! the reason behind this is that my old band, Shooter, are planning to reform next year sometime and record a new album.
I say this tentatively because it's still in the stages of "everyone has agreed to do it", the plan is to hire a place for a long weekend or something and practice, write some new tunes together and cut a CD, we did our first album back in 1998 so the difficult second album has been a long time coming, at the very least it will be nice to get away with the lads from the band and have a good time, and why not? I know Jof is as excited about the prospect of this plan as I am so if it all falls flat we can do our own album. HA!
I had a really strange dream last night that involved one of my ex-girlfriends, Baz.
She's called Baz because she has ginger hair, like Basil Brush and it was one of those dreams that leaves you a little shaken when you wake up and, I don't know, a little heartbroken. I have barely spoken to her since we broke up because she hates my guts which is a shame because we were good friends, I think it would be fair to say that when we dated she was my best friend, all I know is that when the relationship ended the angels started crying and never stopped.
I recorded the Na-Na song on my guitar just now and posted it to my Facebook wall, I'm guessing no one will watch it or click 'like' but I don't really care, it's my Wall and I want the song recorded and posted for prosperity.
I haven't checked my Euromillions yet, I could be sat here a millionaire for all I know, if I am then the next post will be sent from aboard my yacht. The couple who won £101 Million the other day said that they would make their friends very rich, which is kind of them, I don't know what I'd do in that position, I'd like to think, as I've always said, that I'd get my closest friends together and pay off their mortgages and I think that's pretty fair. but in reality I'd probably just fuck off and send them a postcard and get some new friends. Such is life. HAHA.
I'm really excited that tonight I am going to watch Jon Richardson and Shappi Khoursandi at the Harrogate theatre. I saw Jon Richardson twice last year and Shappi once, they both made me howl with laughter so I'm really looking forward to that.
I hope Bradbury remembers to turn up, I reminded him about it on Sunday then today he sends a message asking if anyone wants to go for a drink tonight so I phoned him and he had forgotten about the show and even asked me to remind him at 5pm to remind him again. What a knobber!
Anyway, I need to go a shave my head, what hair I have left is getting long and looks stupid, so I give it a grade one every couple of weeks.
I think that's it for this update.
Take care people of the world.

Woggzeh.

high tide, summer in the city the kids are looking pretty but isn't it a pity that the sunshine is followed by the thunder,

2011-09-18T13:41:00.004+01:00

Word up bitches.
So it's September and I do hope someone remembers to wake Green Day up at the end of the month.
So yeah, sorry my last update was a load of old tripe, I just like to get a few words down so my timeline over there on the left hand side doesn't miss a month. Once it does miss a month then my OCD will kick in and I'll delete this blog.
So I've got my laptop sorted, I should have written about this in the last blog but I didn't so there, anyway the hard drive fucked up, I tried everything I could to fix it before I had to format it and start again which was a pisser because I lost all my files, nothing that was irreplaceable but you know, you get things how you like it and where you like it and then it's all gone, so I learned a valuable lesson about backing up your files that lesson is: always back up the files you want to keep and don't think losing everything wont ever happen to you! it will it's just a matter of when, however as it's happened to me I don't need to do any backups for, like, ever or something.
The laptop was fucked. I was looking online for a new hard drive so I could fix the problem myself, I found a nice 320GB for about £40 when the postman came and delivered a letter to me, it was from PC world telling my that my laptop warranty was going to run out in 4 weeks, I thought the warranty had run out already so this letter was a blessing. I got Matt to run me up to PC world and said fix my computer and I'll renew my warranty. A couple of weeks later I have a working laptop with a snazzy new 500GB hard drive in place of the 250GB one that fucked up, I asked how much it would have cost to fix if it wasn't under warranty and the bloke said about £130, so as soon as I got home I filled out the form for 2 more years warranty for £57!!!! cheap and worth it for that piece of mind.
So go back up your shit and renew your warranty.
My mate Jenny was on Eggheads the other day which just about goes to show how exciting my life is when in MY blog I talk about other peoples endeavours! she did really well and knocked out fat Chris, ,unfortunately she didn't go on to win the Jackpot but it was a good effort, here's a picture for those who don't believe me.

Job wise Harrogate is fucking shite. I actually managed to apply for every job I could possibly do last month and heard back from one job saying thanks but no thanks. It's really frustrating as it looks like I'm not trying for a job or don't want a job or you know, I doubt myself and get really depressed some days and it's just shit, then I go to the job centre and they say, "we have some bar work for you" and I tell them to stick their bar work up their arses, While I feel in a normal environment I will happily never drink again, if I was working in a bar I honestly don't know if I could trust myself to stay sober, so I'm staying away from that line of work, which is a shame because I used to be a kick ass barman.
Had an idea which I have shared with Jof about doing some music, I need to speak to to Mr Bullough, Mr Barker and Mr Chiu before confirming anything but a plan is being drawn up, if nothing happens then this is the last word on it, ok!!!
In other news, I don't have a car so I compensate this by having a massive penis!

Laters Wogzeh

If only my brother could be here now He´d get me out and sort me out alright I knew I should have stayed at home tonight

2011-08-28T12:47:00.003+01:00

Bloody hell, I haven't blogged in over a month, no wonder you are all getting restless and rioting in the streets. You know you could have just sent me a gentle reminder.
So, yeah, shit. I've got nothing for ya.
I've been watching some fucking hilarious tv shows that I think you should all check out, the first one is called 30 Rock and if you don't want to watch the comedy I think it's worth watching just for Katrina Bowden.
The other show that has had me in hysterics is called Community it's so funny I have actually laughed out loud while watching it in bed, it also has Chevy chase in it so you know it's a winner already.
Fuck, I swear I had things planned to write in this blog but now I'm sat here writing it I can't think of anything.
So I'll bid you farewell and save any good stuff for the next blog.

Woggzeh

Wedding of the Year - Dave and Hannah - July 9th 2011

2011-07-12T15:06:00.005+01:00

Whoop Whoop. Hello everyone, I'm awesome, you're not, what you gonna do about it?

I'm in an awesome mood, don't know why, if I had to come up with a reason I would say it's because I'm no longer stressed to fuck regarding Bullough's wedding and a certain best man speech. For those who weren't there, you missed a fucking amazing day, loads of people turned up to hear my speech and Dave and Hannah were an amazing support act!
I went down to Malvern on my birthday, I had dozens of lovely messages from you all on my facebook wall and through text messages including one from Marisa Merico (If you google her you will see that she is the former head of an Italian Mafia family) and a lovely birthday message from the love of my life Louise Wener (singer from the band Sleeper).
When I got down to Malvern it was all hands on deck to get the marquee ready for the big day, there was only so much we could do without the tables and chairs (which were arriving Friday) so I managed to make myself look busy while doing very little, I think I got away with it too because Dave said well done and bought my lunch and evening meal.
Checked into the Foley Arms, proper nice digs, the kind of place where I feel like an imposter and was scared to touch anything in case I broke it and had to pay for it, I had a shower and used the hotel towel, to re-iterate how posh this gaff was the white towel was white and didn't have any stains on it where the previous user had "done the Egyptian".
Then we went down to the curry house which was over the road, Dave, Hannah, Shrago and a lovely creature called Jenny (whom I have met before at a party and was drunk so I probably made a terrible first impression). The food was really nice and I was back in my digs for about 10:30pm where I ran through my speech with Shrago, I told him to be fiercely critical as this was the last opportunity to change stuff, I wouldn't have been offended if he said it was shite, I'd rather know. you know?
Anyway, after the speech and he managed to stop laughing, he said it was spot on and there was no need to change a thing, which was a huge relief.
The Friday was more of the same, work work work, there were a few more people there to help and Jenny helped me put up the Chinese lanterns, I say she helped with that part, she more or less shouted at me to go left or right with the things - Jenny is one of those girls who 'tells it like it is' and I really like people like that, no need to fuck around pleasing people, A girl who is very much take me as you find me, fair to say I liked her ALOT!
We spent most of the morning doing the buntings, the table and chairs even trying to get the best table for ourselves, which we managed to fuck up by not looking at the seating arrangement properly, I say "We" fucked up but it was actually all Jenny's fault!
After that day of working we all (family and ushers and bridesmaids) went for a meal at some pub. WOW, proper nice food, made me realise how much shit I actually eat in my day to day life.
Jenny tried to get us to guess what sport she plays, I guess it in one but it took Shrago ages, (the answer is roller derby - I guessed in one because Hannah had told me the day before, see, I do listen!!)
It's a crazy sport mainly played by lesbians (Jenny isn't a lesbian though) and they just beat fuck out of each other, pretty cool. After the meal we headed back to town where Robin and myself met Trelly and Bradbury in some shithole pub that was full of kids, I stayed for one drink then sloped off back to the digs to write my speech onto speech cards. I slept less than 3 hours that night.
Saturday arrived and I forced my breakfast down me, full English, top fucking notch!
Then I went down to the field to do the final preparations, moving all the chairs AGAIN! This time I didn't have Jenny watching over me so I managed to do very little.
Time flew! it got to about 1:15 and we had to leave, get back to the digs, shower and change into our fancy get up and get back to the field by 2pm, it was crazy but we managed it, then we had an hour of taking photo's and meeting new people and old friends.
Hannah was 30 minutes late and she looked fucking awesome. The ceremony was beautiful, a Humanist ceremony is all about the bride and groom, their family and friends, non of this God and religion crap, I really enjoyed it.
After the ceremony there were drinks and chatting, loads of people asking me if I was nervous about my speech, some with advice, some good, some bad, some telling me that they have been best man and know exactly what I was going through and it was these people who seemed to enjoy watching me squirm! I'll probably be the same at my next wedding now I am in that exclusive club. Shrago, it must be said was full of support and kept reassuring me that everything would be cool and even attempted to teach me some breathing techniques.
The food was mega and I managed to eat loads, then at about 8pm, I remembered I still had a speech to do and I bolted!
I was outside pacing for about 30 minutes, Shrago came out to talk to me, Jenny came out to talk to me, it was nice but I was screwed.
Hannah's dad started the speeches and it was really good, then Hannah did a speech and it was even better, then Dave did a speech and it was great - The bar had been set so high by now there was only one person in the room who could raise it, and that was me! FUCK!!!!
I actually can't remember much about the speech, I know it went really well, I also remember saying, "Sorry, I'm shaking like a shitting dog" which got a huge laugh but it wasn't intentional at all, the mix of sincerity and humour followed by the crescendo (the Bangor joke) was perfect (apparently) and only offended a few people, which is cool. I had actually run that joke past Hannah a few weeks beforehand to make sure it was ok, but I don't think she was expecting the reaction that it got.
Afterwards was a bit of a blur too, I was trying to get outside to smoke my victory cigar and everyone wanted to shake my hand and congratulate me, which was immense, some said it was "fucking brilliant" others said I was really brave to do the Bangor joke, but all in all I fucking rocked and I don't know why I was so nervous, I also think I made everyone around me nervous too, so sorry about that people.
the after party was brilliant, I dazzled everyone with my dance moves, I danced and chatted for ages with a lovely young lass called Helen. The night flew past and before I knew it, it was 3am, we all piled back to Andy Chiu's room for a mini-party, Finally getting into the shower and crawling into my bed at just after 5am.
I was up at 9am for brekkers and I felt like a new man, all those weeks of stress and sleepless nights were gone.
After breakfast I went to meet Jenny at the pub where we were joined by Jof and Jen, we had a great chat before Jenny had to leave to go clear up the marquee and go to a BBQ, I managed to get out of these duties by coming back to Harrogate.
All in all, it was an amazing weekend, I met some wonderful people, whom I hope will remain friends for a long time, I caught up with old friends whom I haven't seen for a while. And I saw my best friend get married to the girl of his dreams, and in all that, Dave wanted little old me to stand by his side and be his best man, an honour that makes me so proud I want to cry.

Woggzeh

There should be a copy of my speech HERE if you fancy a read.

Doctor, Doctor, Can't you see I'm burning, burning?

2011-06-09T23:05:00.002+01:00

Hello everyone.

So the results are back from the doctor and I'm pleased to say it's not as bad as originally anticipated.
I've been diagnosed with "helicobacter pylori" Which is pretty nasty but easily treatable although the treatment will probably make me feel pretty rough, but never mind, it's only for a week to a fortnight providing the treatment actually works.
PHEW!
I just wanted to say thank you to everyone for your support and best wishes, it has been shit and I've naturally been worried, recent added stress from a certain person hasn't helped at all (she will remain nameless on this occasion). But it's time to put myself first on this one, especially for the next week or so. So don't expect me to be Mister Happy-go-lucky. So I'll apologise for that in advance.
Thanks again everyone for your help and support. I love you all dearly.

Woggzeh.

I have never dreamed it. Have you ever dreamed a night like this? I cannot believe it. I may never see a night like this.

2011-05-31T22:58:00.004+01:00

Hello, I should probably save this blog for a day so I have post for June but I can't be arsed waiting an hour, so here it is now.
Since we last spoke I've been on Dave Bullough's stag do, if you remember I'm his best man, you hear that? BEST FUCKING MAN! So the stag do was down to me, although I had a lot of help from Robin, I still took all the credit and I'd like to announce that [I think] it was a roaring success!
To say I needed a weekend away with the lads, to forget about everything and just have fun, is an understatement and I know a few others there said the same about their situations but they don't have a blog to pour their hearts out and moan like fuck to others, so I'm glad everyone could get together and laugh and be lads and not worry about life or what anyone thought of our toilet humour or acting like a silly bugger. The point of this stag do was for everyone to have fun!
There was ALOT of drinking, so much so that I started to think I might have to roll my sleeves up and help get through the mountain of beer, but I resisted (apart from a magnificent mouthful of JD and Coke to Chris and Jof's horror), shamefully there was beer left over come Monday morning when it was time to leave, this was divvied up and I got a bottle of coke and a couple of pot noodles out of the deal.
Everyone who did the go ape activity said it was awesome, sadly I had doctors orders and couldn't do it, so I played on the pool table in our digs.
The Friday night I got about 4 hours sleep then on the Saturday, after a really nice meal and a shit nightclub, back to the digs for a party with a few birds, the hardcore few (including me) managed to go to bed at 7am, at 7:30 I woke up to Bradburys alarm going off, this was a practical joke that backfired as it failed to wake Bradbury! I managed to get back to sleep and got up at 9am! a whole two hours sleep and I was ready for.........nothing.
Robin, who had helped me plan the weekend really wanted to book something to do on the Sunday but I said it was a bad idea and it turned out I was right, everyone who wasn't going home just wanted to chill out and have a lazy day, which was fine by me.
We didn't stitch Dave up as is usually expected on a stag do because I know Dave very well and while he would have gone along with it to not look like a spoil sport, he wouldn't have liked it, so I put the kybosh on that idea and as it happened, he thanked me for not stitching him up.
I would like to remind him that if he thinks he got away lightly, I still have a speech to deliver at his wedding!
Medical news:
I saw the doctor today and had some good news finally from my blood test, my first one had some anomalies so I had another one and the results show that I'm good, the medication I'm taking for my cysts are working and controlling the problem.
I still have another problem with my stomach for which I recently had an ultrasound and on Thursday I'm having an endoscopy, which is a camera that goes down your throat into your stomach to see what's wrong, I hope that it's cleaned and the last time it was used wasn't to look up somebodys arse!
All joking aside, I'm really scared about it, I'm not scared of the result, it's the procedure that's keeping me awake at night and I think it's probably why I've been abit quiet and snappy with people these last few days, if I've been different with any of you recently then I am truly sorry, normal service should be resumed shortly.
The hospital sent me a letter detailing the procedure and because I am opting to have drugs to knock me out, I have to have a resposible adult with me to look after me and make sure I get home safe, I was going to go with my dad but he's a bit poorly this week so it's not fair, which left me with a dilemma as I don't want to ask people to give up a morning to help me and there are very few people I love and trust enough to let them help me, thankfully Dave Bullough is coming over from Morley to be with me and to be honest, after my dad, he was top of my list, so thanks for that dude, it really means a lot to me to have you here and if I cry I know you wont judge me for being a baby (as he already knows I'm a big baby).
I've now got 13 followers for this blog, which is incredible. I don't know who the fuck you all are, but I thank you all from the bottom of my heart for actually reading the drivvel that I write, please identify yourselves as it's driving me mad!
Most of my friends can't be arsed reading this and a few even take the piss for writing it, but I'm finding, more and more, it's a good release for the bottled up worries and moans that I have.
Tomorrow (June 1st 2011) is the 100th anniversary of my Nana's birth, she died a few years ago now, but, I don't know. it's kinda cool and I felt it was worth mentioning. RIP nana.
Finally.....since I finished the last blog on a miserable, depressing end, I've got a rather amusing story to finish this one.
My friend, Paul (who is the most unlucky man I know), was walking his dog on the stray when he found a baby crow (a chick?) so he, I don't know what he did actually, I'm guessing he played with it, anyway, the mother crow spots him and attacks him! scaring the shit out of Paul, cutting his head. Thus meaning he had to go to hospital for a tetanus jab! The funniest part of the story is his girlfriends facebook status: "Just got back from a 2hr wait in the hospital after Paul got attacked by a crow!" I fell about laughing when I read that. Sometimes life is too funny!

Well that'll do my friends.
Please could my 13 followers contact me, I'm on facebook "collywog" or Twitter "woggzeh" or leave a comment, I wont publish your comment if you don't want me to do so. I just really want to know who you are.

Take care.

Woggzeh

I've been alone with you Inside my mind And in my dreams I've kissed your lips A thousand times I sometimes see you Pass outside my door Hello!

2011-05-10T22:40:00.002+01:00

Hello everyone, sorry for the delay in updating, I couldn't be arsed basically.
So since we last spoke I've been on a canalboat weekend. Get comfortable as I'll tell you all about it.
Bradbury was supposed to pick me up at 11:30 to set off for Wales, at 11:29 I got a text saying he'll be running late and wont be picking me up untill 12.00, I asked why and the lazy git had only just got up, was eating his breakfast and hadn't packed! Anyway we eventually picked everyone up and set off an hour late, we still managed to get to Trevor (the canal boat place) with 10 minutes to spare so it was all good.
The weekend was fantastic, we had great weather and it's definitely an experience I'd do again, although I don't want to drive the boat as it's not as easy as it looks and there was only one phone charger socket between 8 of us so that got a bit tedious. There were plenty of funny moments but I can't be arsed to write about them, just ask if you want to know anymore.
It's funny you know, because everyone I've spoke to about the holiday has said the exact same thing, "I've always wanted to do canal boating", well go fucking do it then! it's awesome and not that expensive. Honestly, give it ago.
Jof and Jenny came up for the Royal wedding weekend which was fantastic, I fucking love seeing Jof and I really need to sort something out so we all see each other more often. I don't know what like, maybe a big skype conference call or something.
I thought I'd found love too with an amazing girl called Vicki, but like everything I touch, I managed to fuck it all up, she says we will always be BFF's but I think that she might retract that statement, to say I'm gutted about it would be an understatement, but as the old saying goes, "If it's meant to be,she'll come back". At least it gives me a chance to read High Fidelity again as that book always cheers me up when my heart gets broken (that and the Godfather).
More miserable news, (been a rough week) is that I have cancerous cysts on my pancreas, Luckily this time they are benign and I am on treatment to sort them out,they are causing me a lot of pain and I feel like I am going to be sick most of the time. The thing with these cysts is that now they have started, they will return again and again, eventually they wont be benign and, well, you all know what happened to Patrick Swayze.
Obviously I talked with the doctor and he gave me a window between 6 months and 60 years! which sounds good but since I'm going to be in pain for most of that time, I'm not sure how I feel about that, plus with the luck I'm having at the moment, I think I'll be lucky to see Christmas.
I already told my doctor that I don't want surgery because, well,because I'm scared, I'm more scared of surgery than I am of dying! how fucked up is that? Anyway, it's more stress and worry and that doesn't help anything. I've already stepped up my bucket list and contacted the Blues bar about doing a open mic slot as I really miss performing my music. Another thing I'd like to do is be friends again with my ex - Baz, but I doubt she'll ever talk to me again and would probably dance on my grave if she could, so I'll not worry too much about that one.
Fuck it's depressing knowing that you've got a time bomb inside of you and you don't know whan it's going to go off.
Basically, Enjoy me while you can!

Glad I could end this blog on a happy note.
hope you are all ok, dear readers.

Woggzeh.

Single girl, I don't want to be a single girl Single girl, I don't want to be a single girl Don't want to be on my own again tonight.

2011-04-19T13:56:00.003+01:00

So I've decided to do a blog because Janine told me to write one or she'll un-friend me on facebook, which is quite a good threat even though I don't believe her.
It's a nice day so I thought, fuck it, why not get some words down on the page and that'll be it for another month (hopefully).
So as you'd expect I haven't done a right lot since last time you read my words, so I don't really have much to say.
I've been reacquainting myself with the band LUSH, more specifically Miki Berenyi, whom I forgot was pretty fucking hot, but then again when I was 15, EVERY girl in a band was pretty hot, I've also been listening to Echobelly which had another hot singer called Sonya Madan, she's still doing the rounds in a band called calm of zero, who look like they do acoustic gigs in the London area, so you know, check em out if they are near you, I've listened to some of their stuff and it's pretty cool.
Been out for drinks with a girl called Vicki the other day, we sat in the sun and talked about everything and nothing, it's weird 'cos she's pretty ace but not looking for a fella and I'm, well, I'm me, so you know, I doubt that'll develop into anything, but watch this space.
I'm going canal boating down in Wales this weekend which should be awesome especially if the weather is hot, like it's predicted to be. Call me a nerd but I'm really looking forward to working the locks, I think they are an amazing design, so they should be fun and I've bagsied doing the first one so you can't go back on a bagsie.
Well I think that'll do for now, I might blog after the weekend if the trip was worthy of a blog.

toodle ooh.

Woggzeh.

I can dream about you If I can't hold you tonight I can dream about you You know how to hold me just right.

2011-03-31T14:35:00.003+01:00

So yeah, here we are again, end of the Month and I'm putting words on the page for the sake of not missing a month.
So what's new? sweet F.A.
Been playing T.V Tycoon on my computer, it is possible the worst game ever, but hopelessly addictive.
No news on the finding a job fiasco, which is really wearing me down.
No news on the love life, in fact, the less said about that the better. Thank you!
I watched a VERY funny comedian on Monday at the theatre called Craig Campbell, check him out if you can, I'm sure he'll be playing at a venue near you and I guarantee you wont be disappointed. Same goes for Milton Jones, I saw him a couple of weeks ago and I was physically aching with laughter, so that was awesome.
I got tickets to see Lee Evans at Harrogate theatre too, he's playing on May 1st, it's a strange gig actually as he's road testing new material before he goes on tour later in the year, and the poster says, 'may be using notes' which is awesome, some jokes will be so new, he doesn't even know them himself!
Canal Boating next month, that should be good as I've always fancied a bit of boating and I've been watching 'the boat that guy built' on the BBC which is a tremendous show, check it out.
Almost got Bulloughs stag do sorted, but I'm at a loss of what to do on the Sunday as I think everyone will have a hangover and so wont want to do activities, so I don't want to book anything and get left high and dry, plus a lot of people will be travelling home on the Sunday so will probably want to be away by early afternoon, so it might just be a trip to the pencil and James Bond Museum and then back to the pubs for those who are staying the extra night. I just don't know.
Anyway, I think that'll do for now.
Will update next month.

Woggzeh

I see you driving 'round town With the girl i love and i'm like, Fuck you!

2011-02-27T03:31:00.002Z

So, guess which prick went out tonight and drank coke and can't fucking sleep.

So, what's new, nowt! is there ever anything new? my life is dull, always is.
I'm off to the comedy night on Monday, that should be good, some comic called Tom Wrigglesworth, google him, he seems quite funny. That's about the highlight of my month.
I've become shamelessly addicted to Ebay, selling my old toys and various rubbish for cash! I made about £200 this month on crap that was just in my attic. mainly he-man toys and thundercats toys.
I've also been buying loads of cool Superman stuff from Ebay, got a couple of awesome pendants formy chain, and I'm looking at getting a cool superman watch. I've also managed to get a load of superman books, I really wish I could find my collection of superman comics, a couple I have are worth about £100 each, but I have a bad feeling that I lent them to some cunt and never got them back!
I started watching the Sopranos recently and the first few episodes are crap, but now I'm on season 3 and totally addicted, which is great.
Thank fuck for Spotify, I've got my ear plugs in and listening to some great music, Elvis (costello), Roy Orbison, Supernaturals, echobelly, loads and loads, basically I'm listening to everything that you wouldn't listen to.
Had a few problems with my diabetes recently, which is quite worrying, fact is that I'd probably be dead now if I was living on my own as I often slip into a mini coma like state and have tobe forcefully shaken awake, quite worrying as there isn't much I can do about my insulin control, I think it's a risk I'm going to have to live with.
I had a gallstone recently, It was quite painful, naturally I went online and diagnosed cancer, but the doctor quashed my fears and gave me some pills to settle the pain and, touch wood, it's all cleared up.
Ibought some fucking awesome superman film cells and printedoff some cool superman pictures and got some frames and made a great presentation picture which is now hanging nicely on my wall.
Oh yeah. I updated collywogs bloggy blog with a post about Libya. Read it if you've nowt better to do.
Well,I think that'll do for this month.
laters

Woggzeh

Hey Jude, don't make it bad Take a sad song and make it better Remember to let her into your heart Then you can start to make it better.

2011-01-18T17:14:00.002Z

Hello people.

Happy New Year. Can I still say that on the 18th of January/ I don't care really, it's my blog, I'll write Merry bloody Christmas if I like.
So, new year:
I went to Keswick with the gang plus extras, which was cool, I stayed in some really nice digs with Trelly and Bradders, who were also suitably impressed with the digs. the town of Keswick is nice, and for new year everyone goes out into the town square and stands by the countdown clock then at the midnight hour everyone goes mental. Which is cool, after ten or fifteen minutes of this we all decided to go to a club but lost each other in the crowds, as I was chasing a bird, I had tunnel vision and so we went to the club with her mate and Trelly and Bradders expecting to find the others in there, but no, the others had gone to the pub next door, so in essence I paid £6 to go into a shit club where I spent a maximum of 20 minutes. So that was a bit wanky.
Did the cat bells walk on new years day which was a piece of piss. I moaned that it was hard and I wasn't having fun all the way up the hill, but it was really easy and to prove this point, I was second to the top.
Not much happened for the first couple of weeks in January, spoke to a sexy German lady on messenger, she's totally into me, but doesn't know it yet, and the fact that she hasn't spoken to me in a week makes me think that she's playing the quiet game, like most girls do with me.
This weekend was Jof and Jen's wedding party, if you remember I wrote that they buggered off on holiday to get married and thus Saturday the 15th was their celebration party so I went down to Reading with Bullough and Hannah.
The party was mega and it was great to see Jof and Jen as well as Jof's family who I've not seen for 12 years, how everyone has grown up is mental, Simon is bloody huge! last time I saw him he was throwing a tantrum on the floor and Bethan has grown up too from the 14 year old kid who, I suspect, hated all of Jof's friends because I don't remember her ever talking more than 3 words, still, it was great to see everyone, Chris was there with his bird, the lovely Jana, who I though was a smashing lass, she probably thought I was a right dick, but what the fuck, she was cool.
We stayed at the Novotel in Reading which is a proper nice place to stay, but book early as to pay on the door would have cost £255 per night and I booked it for £71 a night including breakfast.
well it's now Tuesday and I've updated this blog, so I'm going to go eat my tea now.
laters

Woggzeh.

That the grass is always greener on the other side The neighbour's got a new car that you wanna drive.

2010-12-27T15:21:00.002Z

Hello people.
Well, Christmas is over and the sales have begun, which doesn't really matter because no one has any money so they can't go and buy anything, but never-the-less, town will be busy, so I'm avoiding it.
I suppose you could say that I've had a good Christmas, I got loads of books that I requested, which is good as I needed some new books, (when you read between 1 and 2 books a week, you soon run out) I also got a set of darts so I'll have to take them with me round to the snooker club and make use of the dart board there.
The whole family came round which meant my (almost) four year old niece came too and she was super excited about Santa visiting and bringing her presents, and she got LOTS of presents, so she was energetic and squealing with delight most of the day, which is fun for a minute, but after a while it gives you a headache and by 7 pm I was thoroughly miserable so I went round to Trelly's where we watched Toy Story 3, which almost made me cry and Shrek Forever After, which didn't make me cry.
Also had a message from a pretty lady in Harrogate with a very sexy name (Her name is Katja, so using my detective skills I think she's originally European and you know what a sucker I am for European girls) anyway, she has been reading my blog, and decided to tell me that she enjoys it very much and I shouldn't bring it to an end in the near future. Well, I'll think about it, it's nice to know people read my blog, so anyway, she runs a computer training and repairs company, so if you have a computer that's buggered, then contact her, or if you or someone you know got a computer for Christmas and needs to be shown how to operate it then contact her as this is what she specialises in.
the website is : PC HARMONY
Take a look, it's worth a look just for the picture on the front page of a pretty woman.
Keswick on Friday, can't wait for that, then a few weeks later I'll be heading down to Reading for Jof's wedding bash which will be exciting.
Apparently they have started selling Easter eggs in the one stop shop on crab lane. this is ridonkulous!
Went to FIRE at Rehab last night which was a great night, Chris was DJ-ing between 11:30 and 1am and he did a good set although it felt like someone hit the atmosphere button at about 01:30 as it got a bit shit, anyway, like good soldiers we stayed out for another hour or so, I think I cot home at about 3am, but it could have been 4am I can't remember, terrible, I wasn't even drinking and my memory has gone to shit.
So yeah.
Think that brings us up to date.
Happy New Year to you all.

Woggzeh

Driving home for Christmas Oh, I can't wait to see those faces I'm driving home for Christmas,

2010-12-23T15:41:00.003Z

Well, it's here again, it's Christmas, almost the twenty fifth of the twelfth.
Are you all ready for the big day? pretty fucked now if you're not aren't ya? Well the shops still have some shit in, so you'll have a chance of buying something to give to your loved ones.

Here's a Christmas tip: Stab the box full of air holes BEFORE you put the puppy in it.

So yeah, I'm all done, have been for about three weeks, which is very organised of me, in truth it's just because I can't be arsed leaving it till the last minute and then panicking, so I get it out of the way and forget about it. I'm not really in a Christmassy mood, can't seem to get the Christmas joy on, I don't know why, maybe It's because I know that in a couple of days time I have to smile and be merry and that bloody pisses me off. I know it's only one day a year and all that bollocks but I'd rather be grumpy, and on my own, with my egg and chips.
Chris barker is stuck in New York, which normally would be cool, but he can't get back until Christmas day and I was planning on going out with him tonight so he's fucked that up for me. Today's title is dedicated to him. Hopefully he'll be back in time for boxing day and the FIRE party which is in 3D, should be good as I have my own proper wicked 3D shades which will make me look like the coolest kid on the block and I'll be surrounded by girls!
New year should be a laugh as we are going to Keswick for jollifications.
Well all that leaves me to say is Merry Christmas and Happy New Year people.
Here is your Christmas card:

Woggzeh

I'm so tired of being lonely I still have some love to give Won't you show me that you really care?

2010-11-30T13:40:00.003Z

Bloody hell, the last day of the month comes earlier and earlier, by the time we get to February, the last day of the month will probably be on the 28th or something.
So, It's snowing, there's not much more to say than that really, you've seen snow before, it hasn't come as a surprise, really. It's just there and it's cold and miserable.
speaking of cold and miserable, I had the cold and miserable virus the other week, my nose was running with snot and I had a nasty cough and generally felt unwell, so I stayed in bed for a whole day, needless to say, this virus was an epidemic in Harrogate, everyone seemed to get it, which is nice.
I've done most of my Christmas shopping and am now waiting for it to arrive via the postman. I couldn't be arsed going around the shops this year so I've ordered everything on-line, now all I need to do is wait around till the stuff shows up, which it probably wont and then I'll have to go trawl around the shops on Christmas eve looking for presents. Stupid fucking Postman!
Saw Jim Jefferies live doing his show - Alcoholocaust. He was bloody hilarious, and so far past the line of decency I was nearly offended! imagine that. He was bloody good.
The big news really is about Jof, as you probably all know now, Jof went and got himself married at the beginning of the month with Reading reporting a massive increase in female suicides when the news was announced.
So yeah, I'm still shocked, Jof's just a boy in my eyes, a wee whipper snapper, but fair play to him, he found a girl that liked him and snapped it up. May they have a long and happy life together. Mazel tov!
Well, I'm gonna cut this short again, I'm bored of doing this blog, I think that once the year is done I'll shut it all down. I know I say this every year, but I'm really bored now, in fact I'll finish on January 14th 2011, then that'll make the blog exactly five years old when I finish, which isn't a bad run for blogs nowadays.
Anyway.
Laters 'taters

Woggzeh

I remember doing the time-warp Drinking those moments when The Blackness would hit me...

2010-10-31T15:14:00.004Z

shit shit shit shit.
Forgot to blog this month, last day of October and now I'm blank.
Erm.. I went to see the comedian Kevin Bridges do his funny stuff, that was ace, also met him in the Alex after the show, had a chat with him and got his autograph, which is mega.
After that, I went to see, Shappi Khoursandi and Jon Richardson do their comedy show, which were also bloody brilliant, although I didn't get their autographs which is a shame.
Tonight is Halloween, went out last night and it was great, all the girls were dressed in Halloween costumes, which is basically an invitation for girls to dress like sluts. I approve! it makes the night out worth it.
Bonfire next Saturday, should be good, it'll rain as it always rains.
Sorry this is short, but I can't be arsed.

Woggzeh

So how can you tell me you're lonely, And say for you that the sun don't shine? Let me take you by the hand and lead you through the streets of London

2010-09-30T13:32:00.002+01:00

Bloody hell, just got time to squeeze in a blog update before October starts.
Loads has happened this month, fucked if I can remember it, my memory has gone to shit, I'm blaming the insulin I take, It's fucking up my brain.
The big news is that Bullough has asked me to be his best man at his wedding, it's a huge responsibility which makes me question why he asked me to do it?
I've been working on a few gags for the speech which isn't easy as Dave hasn't really done anything worth mentioning, but I'll just make some shit up, it might be easier if he blacks his face up to make some of the jokes work, but I'll speak to him about it, otherwise I'm truly fucked.
Truth is, I'm excited about doing it, sorry, I meant fucking terrified.
I'm only worried about it because I've been to two weddings in my life and can't remember anything about the best man speeches, and I take so little interest in other peoples lives I don't actually know what I have to do, I've looked on the internet for stuff, found some amazing stuff there too, but sadly I had to close those pages and get back to best man stuff. So if anyone has any tips of advice on what I need to do between now and the wedding then I'd appreciate it.
I'm meeting up with Dave next week and hopefully that'll clarify some of my duties so I can get to work, who knows, if I do a good job at being best man, maybe he'll let me be best man at his next wedding?
It was Trellys birthday yesterday so we went out to the pub, which was fun and for those who missed it, we are doing the same on Saturday and will probably be repeating the same conversations and I'll definitely be doing the same old gags, so that's something you can avoid, I did get a lovely cheeseburger on the way home, so that was a bonus.
I won fuck all on the lottery, which has scuppered my plans, I was hoping to win the ten million then spend it all on Euromillions lotto tickets and win that one, it's going to be £82 million this week, which is just about enough for me to live on.
Saw Chris Barker last week, that was nice, he was up for a few days, so we went out up town, nothing much happened, Jof texted me, which was also nice.

That is all.

Woggzeh

I came to cut you up I came to knock you down I came around to tear your little world apart.

2010-08-29T06:21:00.002+01:00

So tonight (now) I can't sleep and it's 05.30 I'm sat in bed typing on my new laptop, it's a rather snazzy netbook I picked it up from pissyworld for just less than £200 (Advent Milano - go look it up) the only problem I have with it thus faris that the space bar is too small so I keep joining up words, I also keep looking up and I am typing a sentence three lines up in the middle of a sentence I wrote minutes ago, I'm guessing that my stupid hands keeps whacking some button and the cursor jumps upwards because Windows decided that would be a handy feature.
Anyway, I went out with the lads tonight and while it was a good night, I fear I'm getting old and ready for retirement, I was ready to come home at midnight because I wanted to read my book, it's also annoying being the only sober one about because everyone else thinks I'm not enjoying myself and trys to involve me in talking loud and dancing, when in actual fact, I'm more than happy to sit in the corner with my diet coke and observe, but you try telling people that!, as Bradbury said, "I'm always concious that you're sober and not having fun." I am having fun! I'm very comfortable with my own company, but, seriously, you try telling that to your mates on a night out and they think you are being a miserable cunt.
There were quite a few nice birds out tonight which is always a bonus, naturally I didn't talk to them unless I knew them and then I never know what to say to them because I think I'm shy, either that or I am a miserable cunt, in fact I could talk to these girls all night but I'm constantly terrified that I'll bore them to death, It's amazing how self concious you are when you haven't had a drink, anyway, it's always nice to hear them tell me I'm looking good, even though I think that people say that even if you look like death warmed up, but hey, never one to pass up a compliment.
I went to tribfest last weekend and it was fucking brilliant, I thought it would be proper shit but I'm glad to have been proved wrong because it was awesome, the weather was mega hot and I got burned but fuck that, the entertainment was brilliant, and I'm happy to say I'm now a rejuvinated Pink Floyd fan as I had totally forgotten how good they were.
I want to go to Tribfest 2011 but it looks like I'm the only one who does. I think what I liked about it most is the relaxed atmosphere, it was nothing like your Glastonburys and Leeds/Reading or your V, which has 24 hour knobheads and if you stand withing 100 metres of the stage you get crushed, gobbed on or have a bottle of whatever thrown over you. No. Tribfest is chilled, you can take your chair if you want and sit and watch the bands, (I didn't take my chair like, I was up there in the front row pogo-ing to nearly all the bands). So yeah, Tribfest is the way to go.
I need to find some software for my computer so I can record some music and then record some solo bits and then overlay the two so it sounds proper, so if anyone can reccomend some mixing/recording software that's easy to use then let me know, I've asked Barker a million times and a million times he's reccomended something and I've forgotten what he suggested.
Anyway it's 6am now and I might as well get up, I'm guessing that I was given regular coke instead of diet coke which would explain my inability to sleep.

Thanks for reading

Woggzeh.

And I never thought I'd feel this way And as far as I'm concerned I'm glad I got the chance to say That I do believe I love you.

2010-07-31T11:18:00.003+01:00

Bloody hell, the month goes quick doesn't it?
Actually it doesn't but I kept putting back and putting back the writing of this blog and now it's the last day of the month and now I'm here, with a blank head and cold fingers.
The beginning of the month saw my 30th birthday and I went to Blackpool with some friends, On the Friday we went out and met Steve and Heather who took me and Bradbury clubbing because everyone else went to bed early, we stayed out until about 03:30 and then jumped in a taxi, the taxi driver wanted to take us to a brothel, and Bradders (always open to suggestion after a few drinks) thought it was a great idea, luckily, being sober I made the executive decision to go back to the digs and have a kip, promising the driver we would goto the brothel tomorrow night. I got up about 8am on the Saturday, had a cracking breakfast then we all went to the pleasure beach and a couple of rides that were cool, then walked along the beach and went to the sealife centre, then went to a few bars. The Walkabout bar was pretty cool except the queue for the bar was a bitch, luckily they opened the upstairs bar and that sorted the problem, Bradbury also found out that if I declared myself the 'designated driver' then I got free soft drinks all night, so I was chuffed about that. After the walkabout everyone except me, Bradbury and Matt went home and so, we went to a lap dancing bar (well, it was my birthday) we spent about 30 minutes in there in the company of some very pretty ladies, Matt was skint so he somehow managed to get a lap dance for £8, I'm just glad I wasn't there when he was coppering up to pay the girl. After that Matt wanted to go home, fair enough, so we set off, and the Matt complained all the way home that he wanted a wee and we were walking too slow, (we were eating pizza and chatting to women).
We came home on the Sunday and that was that, I loved it, had a great weekend, which is all that mattered to me, I'll definitely be going back (with Bradders, who loved it too) but for the rest of my party........I think they'd be happier having their teeth pulled! (Admittedly the best part of the trip was the broken car park machine that gave us about £150 over the course of the weekend).
The rest of the month has been pretty non eventful. I got some tickets to see Reginald D. Hunter and Kevin Bridges playing at the theatre, which will go nicely with my ticket to see Jim Jefferies there too, Harrogate is getting some really good comedy acts at the moment, with a monthly comedy night and now a two week comedy festival in October.
On Monday just gone, I had to go back to Blackpool for a job, and when we arrived it was like CSI Blackpool. Sadly a nurse had been murdered on the sunday night and the forensic team were there in full regalia, with the white tents and full white suits, just like on the television, only on the television you don't get that atmosphere that something dreadful has happened, Weird.
I've knocked bread on the head this week, just getting sick of the same old sandwiches, so I've been eating pasta and fruit, it's been nice and I've lost 5 lbs since last Monday, which is quite shocking as I hadn't thought of it as dieting. Goes to show that dieting isn't that hard at all.
hey did anyone watch Sherlock last weekend? it was pretty fucking good.

Anyway. I think that'll do for now.

Woggzeh

We can dance if we want to We can leave your friends behind Cause your friends don't dance And if they don't dance Well they're no friends of mine .

2010-06-30T12:45:00.003+01:00

Well, I suppose I should write a few words down as I've not blogged in over a month.
since the last blog I've been to Coniston, camping, which was great and I've done some other stuff. And that brings us up to date.
On Monday I went to the hyena comedy lounge at the Harrogate theatre to see three comedians they were Jon Richardson (off the telebox), Lloyd Langford (who writes for Nevermind the Buzzcocks) and Dan Atkinson (who writes for Russell Howard). The show was fantastic and for only £10 a ticket, who can ask for more? I will be making the comedy night (last Monday of every month) a regular event, the comedians did a routine on Social networking and used some tweets from Twitter on the big screen, (ones that mentioned Harrogate as thats where they were) and lo and behold, one of my tweets was used, so I got to shout out, 'whoop' when they asked if Woggzeh was in the audience, All very exciting, they also used Matt's tweet but he wasn't there so he doesn't count.
I also bought tickets to see Jim Jefferies at the theatre in November, that's sure to be good too, there are a few other shows I want to see, (Kevin Bridges, Reginald D. Hunter) but they will have to wait until I get some more shiny pennies in my pocket.
So next week(July 7th) is my 30th, I am going to Blackpool on the 9th and 10th for a bit of a weekend away, I wanted to get down to Bath, but it was a bit of a pain in the arse getting everyone down there for a couple of nights, so we are going to Blackpool instead, and staying in Lees mums digs.
Englands world cup went well didn't it? Well I think that's enough talking about those prats.
I can't be arsed writing anymore, gonna go get some food and play a computer game, I'm hopelessly addicted to tv tycoon, which is probably the worst game ever made, but I can't put it down, mental!

All the best

Woggzeh.

I only knew you for a while I never saw your smile Till it was time to go Time to go away (time to go away)

2010-05-12T16:34:00.002+01:00

Jesus F. christ it's been a while since I blogged, you'll be glad to know that I've got loads to tell you, you'll be less glad to read that I can't remember what it is I have to tell you, so, bollocks, I'll just wing it.

Hello.

My name is Woggzeh and it's been sixteen months since my last drink.
I say that because when I have dreams that involve me being in a pub or around alcohol, I'm a non-drinker in my dreams now, which I think is strange but rather cool, this time last year I would dream that I would be enjoying a cheeky pint of lager or guinness or the like, but now I'm always on the soft drinks, don't know why, don't really care, just fills a paragraph on my blog
I've been working hard recently, which is good because with hard work comes good money and I need money, lots of it.
I bought a new snooker cue today because my other one has managed to warp itself into the shape of a banana and I'm sick of getting shitty breaks and blaming my tools, so now I have a new cue, I don't have any excuses for my shitty breaks, which is fine by me.
Camping in Coniston is in a couple of weeks and I'm really looking forward to that as long as the weather picks up abit, I heard that it was snowing in the lakes the other day, just what you want when you are living in a tent.
I'm arranging the music for camping and it's a mega-mix of mega-ness you can get some awesome mixes on youtube, just copy and paste "Stock Aitken Waterman (SAW) 80s Video Megamix Part 1" into youtube to see what I mean!!!
Watched 'Kick ass' the other day and that's one fucking great film, go see it and if you've already seen it, then go see it again.
Conservatives have got into power through the back door, nobody wanted them and the daft cunt who is David Cameron doesn't realise that no one wants him in power so he's teamed up with Nick Clegg and basically declared himself prime minister, fucking twat. no-one voted him into power so he should have fucked off, all the MPs should have been sacked, let the parties sort themselves out and then lets have another vote in a month or something and then see if there's a winner because we were all voting for the best of a bad bunch, it was a lose/lose situation, whoever got into power, but at least the fucker should be voted into power by the public, you don't order a taxi and then all the taxi ranks get together and decide to send you a donkey do you?
basically, the sooner David Cameron realises that no one fucking likes him the better.
Stupid Cunting Toff.
Johnny Arrow and the Cheap Day Returns have a new album out soon, just saying like, so, you know, go buy it or something, altenatively wait till I buy it and I'll put it on pirate bay.

Well, I'm done now, take care people.

Woggzeh

Oo-ooh I got a rocket Oo-ooh you're going on it Oo-ooh you're never coming back

2010-04-07T16:15:00.002+01:00

Hello people.

Bit bored so I thought I would look up some old film people and see what they are doing now and what they look like,(mainly what the look like.) And so I thought I would share that information with you.

Phoebe Cates:

Turns out Phoebe married Kevin Kline and dropped out of making movies which is a shame because I fancied fuck out her when I was a kiddywink. Especially as I got to see her knockers in 'Fast Times At Ridgemont High' (google it, you can see the pics yourself, man)

Anyway, I'm pleased to report that even at the grand old age of 47, she's still pretty hot!

Judge Reinhold:

This guy was in loads of 80's films but seemed to drop off the radar. although I am pleased to tell you that now 53, he's still in the movie business, but hasn't aged well.

Zach Galligan:

The kid from Gremlins who gets given Gizmo, he's still making film, mostly B-movies from the look of them, recently in a movie called 'Cut' with Danielle Lloyd. I think that says a lot about where his career has gone. Looking old at 46.

The Goonies.

Now all stars in their own right, and will always be brilliant. her they are then and now.

Fred Savage.

I used to watch Fred in the Wonder Years,he played Kevin Arnold. Then he went off our screens and then he was back on our screens in Austin Powers. Turns out that Fred was doing stuff behind the camera, like directing and, I don't know, picking his nose.
He directs one my favourite shows "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia"

Danica McKellar

Who didn't fancie 'Winnie' from the Wonder Years? She was Kevin's ultimate muse, and I thought she was smashing, kind of a geeky kid, but you knew she had something! and boy oh boy am I glad I found these pics of her! (google for more)

Oh and the other kid in the Wonder years Paul Pfiefer didn't grow up to be Marilyn Manson!

Richard Holian:

This fella played Jonny Briggs on the BBC when I was a lad, I only added him here because he apparently lives in Leeds and I'm willing to bet someone knows him. Apparently he's a twat.

That'll do.

If you liked this post, let me know, also let me know if there is anyone you'd like me to include if I do another like this.

Laters!

Woggzeh

A billion snowflakes fell, in a field of white, I feel the ringing, of the bell, and it feels like, the 25th of the 12th

2010-03-23T13:58:00.003Z

Hello people.

my computer has gone all silly, firstly one of my usb ports isn't working and I've tried everything to make it work, the next step (according to troubleshooting on google) is to re format, which I can't be arsed doing. Then my music is now coming through my skype phone, so I've had to play about with the settings there and it's coming out of my speakers now, like it should, but for how long?
So, what's been going on?
I went to Bullough's 30th birthday party the other week, that was fun, something different, and there was lots of food to eat so I was content, the mini burgers were especially good, although a full size version would have been better, but then I'm a a greedy little pig and always want more.
there were lots of people there, most of whom I didn't know, so I didn't converse with them much, if they don't know me already they are probably not worth knowing, there were a few people there from the last party I went to so I chatted to them a bit.
The main question of the night was, "So how do you know Dave?" which is a fair question but it got a bit monotonous, so I started to replyw "Who?" and, "which one is Dave?" I have to amuse myself sometimes, which I'm getting better at in public.
My sister has given birth to a baby girl and named her Ella Mayumi Marie Ames, she's lovely and I went to see her today, i'm quite good with babies, when Abby was a baby she was never sick on me, and today Ella was the same, she puked on my dad but not me, maybe we are on the same mentality and she knows that I'll spew on her if she spews on me, whatever it is, it works and so I'm not covered in baby sick, which is nice. here is her picture.

Top show to watch is called Leverage, it's on some channel over here, but basically it's like an American version of Hustle, it is very good and so I suggest you give it a looksie.
I'm still waiting for Underbelly to come out, it was supposed to start this month in Australia, but I think there have been some legal issues concerning some of the people involved with the show so it's been postponed until futher notice, maybe Lee in Australia has heard something and can verify the situation.
I'm mad about a new song by Louis Eliot (Frontman from Rialto) his new band (the Embers) are making some good rumblings on th eLondon scene and now have an album out, you can check out this song "25th of the 12th" which I think is due to be a Christmas single.

I think that'll do for now.
Take care people.

Woggzeh.

You'd Think That People Would Have Had Enough Of Silly Love Songs.

2010-02-26T11:23:00.004Z

Hey people.

Well first of all let me thank you for getting back to me with comments on my stories, it was really helpful that no fucker commented. So thanks for that, A real help you turned out to be.
Nothing new in the world of the wog.
Bullough's 30th next month and he's having a bit of a do at his gaff to celebrate it, so I'm looking forward to that. The next thing to look forward to is the end of May bank holiday 'cos I'm off camping again (Bet you can't guess where) hopefully the weather will be good so we can do a few walks.
Anyway. I'm sure I had things to write but as always when I sit down to write this blog, my mind goes blank until I've posted it and then all the cool things I was going to write about flood my memory.
So let's play a game, not that you deserve one. This game is called 'first lines'
I'm gonna post the first lines of popular songs and I want you to comment with the name of the song and the band. I'm sure non of you will do this, but let's try. Oh and try and answer them without usuing the internet, it's for fun, nothing more.

1. Confidence is a preference for the habitual voyeur of what is known as........
2. Got to write a classic Got to write it in an attic
3. When you were young and your heart was an open book
4. Just a small town girl Living in a lonely world
5. Look into my eyes - you will see, What you mean to me
6. There is a house in New Orleans
7. Father wears his Sunday best Mother's tired she needs a rest The kids are playing up downstairs
8. flew in from Miami Beach B.O.A.C. Didn't get to bed last night
9. I'm your only friend I'm not your only friend But I'm a little glowing friend
10.When the world, leaves you feeling blue, You can count on me, I will be there for you

And that's it, first person to answer all ten wins the coverted 'first person to answer all ten' sentence in my next blog.

Toodle Ooh.

Woggzeh.

Those were the days, my friend, We thought they'd never end. We'd sing and dance forever and a day.

2010-02-09T15:00:00.005Z

Gooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooood morrow people.

Have I used that song as my post title before?
Well January went quick didn't it?
Now it's Febuary and it's a short month which is nice. The winter olympics starts this weekend and I'm looking forward to that only because I like watching those nutters whizzing down a hill on a tea tray - head first - doing speeds in excess of a thousand miles an hour.
So what happened in January? I don't know I never do, I live my life day by day and whne one day ends I generally forget about it.
I'm currently trying to win the lottery, I'd particually like the Euro millions one this week because its aty something like £120 million and with that kind of dough I could treat all my readers to £100 cash tax-free. So cross your fingers for me and you'll be in for a windfall. I could also go to australia and see Lee and his good lady, I have it all planned, I wouldn't just fly to Australia as I'd do my fucking nut being trapped in a plane for all that time, no I'd go to my newly bought flat in Prague and chill there for a few days then I'd go to where ever the dart lands in a map of europe, eventually working my way to Russia, then China and where ever I have to be to get to Oz, basically I'll be trekking to Australia at my own leisure and then I'd come home that way too, totally avoiding America because I'd hate it.
I'd also but myself some nice camping stuff because I could. I might even buy a house in Coniston.
Anyway.
I went to the IMAX in Bradistan to watch avatar in 3D it was amazing and I'd advise you to go see it in 3D, the story isn't the greatest think Pocahontas or Dances with Wolves and you know the story already. But still don't let that deter you it's the best cinematic experience of my life and not as disappointing as when I was told to 'take a box of tissues' with me to Schindlers List and sat through the whole film without finding anything to wank over! (I've definitely used that gag before)
So I've been trying to write my novel, I'd like it to be a novel-novel but if it turns out to be a collection of short stories then I'm not too bothered. The problem is I start one story then get bored and start another and then I don't know which story to finish, so I'm going to post some here and if you don't mind, download them, have a read and let me know which one you prefer, if you hate them all then go fuck yourself.

Monster
The Man
Prison story
Willoughby
Willoughby 2
Gangster story

Well those are the ones that I like and have ideas for, it's just a caseof disciplining myself to sit down and finish them, because everytime I sit a the computer I end up looking at facebook or something.
I watched a cracking little film called Law Abiding Citizen the other week. I suggest you giove it a looksie.
Bullough showed me a great link to a site called dropbox, basically you can store and back up all your files online and for free, you get 2GB for signing up, so you may as well sign up, so you have it there forever, just in case you ever need it. also if you follow this link: https://www.dropbox.com/referrals/NTQ1ODA3NDI5
Then we both get an extra 250 MB, so sign up and we are all winners.
Well I think that'll do for an update. Sorry it's been shit, but please take a look at my stories and give me some feedback.

Toodle ooh

Woggzeh

All I ever wanted was to see you smilin all I ever wanted was to make you mine I know that I love you oh baby why don't you see that all I ever wanted

2010-01-11T18:31:00.005Z

Hey, Happy New Year, all that jazz

Damn you lot! I was so close to actually putting words down on a blank page that I have been staring at for a good ten minutes and starting my new short story (details will be kept secret until I write two chapters then give up on the project)and I suddenly remembered that I've not blogged since last year and I was going to blog last weekend, and then this weekend and now it's Monday and I feel a little guilty about not updating, not that I have much to write.
So Christmas was a laugh and very tiring as it always is, but the day was good and it was nice to spend it with the family.
Chris Barker (international DJ) was in Harrogate as part of his European tour having flown into the UK from Berlin (or somewhere else) only days before Christmas, so I thought I'd go take a look at his 'set' at the FIRE party at Rehab, he donated his fee to Oxfam, being the kind of guy he is, rubbing shoulders with the rich and famous (Nicholas Cage, to name just one - no joke!).
His DJ set was rather good and I had a jolly good time dancing and throwing some shapes, which is all credit to the DJ as the only shape I usually throw on the dance floor is the shape of a thoroughly miserable person.
After all those shennaegans DJ Barker returned to his homeland to do an exclusive gig at OPA for New year while I went to Wales.
Wales or Betws-y-Coed as it was called was a brilliant two nights away, we stayed in a hotel/Chinese restaurant and couldn't ask for anything more to be honest, the food was great (Matt ate a birds nest and quoted the next day "Have you ever tried to shit out a birds nest?" to great mirth) and the hospitality was excellent too, we all receieved a beautiful calendar when we checked out which was a great little touch. I would definitely stay there again and I would advise others to do so if you are down that way, the digs were called 'the Dragon hotel' I think.
New year 2010 (another 88200 years until I can write 90210) and the snow, bloody hell, don't mention the snow! how dare I mention the snow, the snow the snow the dreaded snowwwwwwww. Seriously, if Hitler had a snow machine he'd have won World War 2!
Great Britain came to a grinding halt in all the excitement the snow brought, of course if you live down south you were a few days late with the snow but still fannied about like your fucking lives were ending when it did come. Up north however things soon got back to normal, as it should. The news people however have been acting like aliens have invaded or something, "the news today, fucking snow!"
Although the main news didn't actually pick up on the snow story until it hit down south and then it was bedlam and panic in the streets, I'm surprised the fucking student population didn't try to march down Downing Street demanding that Gordon Brown lynch himself because of the snow. Fucking students!
I went to the doctors today to hand in a repeat prescription and you can't hand it to the woman at the desk. No, you have to post it in this make shift post box thing they have on the wall, it's a simple idea, so simple that I managed to get my finger stuck in the gap where you post your 'scripts, to great amusement of the receptionist who had to open it up and free my finger, which then hurt for a good three minutes afterwards!
Anyway, I've been busy with my little ukulele, actually, let's be honest I'm getting pretty bloody good with the damned thing, I want an electro ukulele and so instead of just going and spending money on it I've challenged myself to get good enough to warrant spending £50 on one, and I've already passed my challenge marker, so I'll probably be buying one come the end of the month. I uploaded a version of me playing 'it must be love' on facebook, you can see that here:

And just for you few people who read this blog, I've done a very special version of the song 'Day Man' from always sunny in Philadelphia:

Original Video - More videos at TinyPic

That'll do.

Woggzeh.

Jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle bell rock Jingle bells swing and jingle bells ring Snowing and blowing up bushels of fun Now the jingle hop has begun

2009-12-19T17:40:00.004Z

Hello people

Let me start by wishing you all a Merry Christmas, and a truly happy new year, I hope you get everything you want for Christmas and 2010 bring you more joy and happyness than you ever thought possible.
Well, what a year it's been, I'll be totally honest and say that 2009 has been one of the worst years I can remember, starting on January the 5th when I was admitted to hospital with pancreatitis, I wont repeat everything I've said about it in previous blogs but even now, almost a year later I'm still getting pains and problems, nothing to worry too much about but it's been there niggling away.
One last piece of medical news is that I'm now diabetic, it's all due to the pancreatitis and I have to take insulin everyday, which is wierd as I don't really like needles, but it's not too difficult to do, it does mean I have to watch what I eat, and over Christmas that's going to be hard, but non-the-less, I'm not going to complain.
Well I'm all ready for Christmas, I did my shopping before December 1st which means I've been relaxed, usually I do all my shopping on or around Christmas eve and since I hate queues and people, I usually ended up in the pub after 25 minutes, with bags of useless gifts that were purchaced for very little [drinking] money and from shops that had very few customers, however I'm glad I've not had that problem, and while I'll still be going to the pub, I'm almost a year into being teetotal, so I wont be spending silly amounts on drink! Hooray!!
Well, I've been in a really good mood for most of the year and I know it sounds pathetic, but I think I've been in a good mood and finding joy and fun in everything and even to the extent of being excited for Christmas again is because I have a constant voice in my head telling that I shouldn't be alive for any of this. I know I've kept a lot of things bottled up and not shared things with you but, truth be told, I was scared shitless that I'd seen my last Christmas, and so I'm tackling everyday with a smile and a laugh and to be honest I much prefer the new me.
Since my last post I've bought myself a ukulele, and it's bloody awesome, why didn't I buy one years ago I keep asking myself? it's much easier to play than guitar and I just love it, love it love it love it, it's so cute and brilliant, so yeah, if you have a spare £20 after Christmas and fancy trying to learn a new instrument then I can whole heartedly advise the ukulele. DO IT!!
here is me doing a short version of "Jingle Bell Rock" for you:

Jingle Bell Rock

I've decided not to bother with a Woggzehs world awards this year as it's rubbish, sorry about that, there is one 'award' that I have to mention though.

PERSON WHO READS THIS BLOG AND KEEPS REQUESTING A SHOUT OUT: Janine Baynham

Yes Janine this is your very own shout out as you are the only person who gets excited when a new blog is posted, you even went as far as calling me a young Stephen Fry, not in the way that you think I'm gay, but in literary terms only. So thanks for that.

I've also had a big smile on my face because a friend whom I adore and respect so much has got in contact with me after not talking to each other for about 4 years, I missed chatting to her and she's really made my year by messaging to me again, it's just a shame she lives in Slovakia but never mind, So Alex, if you ever read this, thank you.
For new year I'll be going to Wales a place called Betws-y-Coed, it's at the foot of Mount Snowdon so I think the plan is to walk up it, although very little has been said about that so I'll have my fingers crossed that either the weather is not right for an attemt at an ascent or everyone has hangovers, there are some nice flat walks along the river (I think) so I'll be up for doing them, I don't do heights!
I've also done you Auld Lang Syne on my ukulele and you can listen to it here:

Auld Lang Syne

Well I think that brings me to the end of this festive update, once again I hope you all have a Merry Christmas and if you can, then have a toast on Christmas day to 'absent friends' it doesn't take much and it's a fitting tribute to people who can't be with their families on christmas day for whatever reason, and will be sorely missed.

Now go out and bloody well enjoy yourselves, IT'S CHRISTMASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

Woggzeh.

So if you want to love me, then darlin' don't refrain. Or I'll just end up walkin', In the cold November rain.

2009-11-29T16:28:00.003Z

Hello!

Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears;
I come to bury Caesar, not to praise him.
The evil that men do lives after them;
The good is oft interred with their bones;

Ok, it's Sunday, there's nothing going down and so I thought I'd slap a few words on this page for you to read.
So I've done all my Christmas shopping and I've wrapped all my presents, which is extremely organised of me and I've pat myself on the back for being good, usually I'm running around at 5pm Christmas eve with a ten pound note in my pocket trying to buy gifts for everyone, while the snow is falling and the children stand in groups singing Christmas carols to the weary shoppers...................hold on I'm turning into Charles Dickens.
So I watched the film Paranormal Activity on Friday night and stupidly I 'got into' the film instead of laughing and commenting with bravado in front of my mates, and so I went home and was jumping out of my skin to every noise and bump and squeak that I heard, it's not that the film is particually scary, it's more to do with what you don't see. Which is scarier than the guff Hollywood throws at you, you can tell none of it's real, but with Paranormal Activity, it holds onto that realism and is just plain creepy, and like I said, I got into it and I let it fuck with my head.
Barker is back up in a few weeks, he sent me a text t'other day saying he was going to bring me some music software, I want to edit a few songs I have on my computer and he should have the stuff I need.
Medical: I'm now a full blown diabetic now, I should be starting on insulin shots this week (waiting for a phone call from the local nurse to show me how to administer it properly), so we'll see how that goes, I'm guessing I'll get some sort of talisman to wear, I think if I get the choice I'll choose a necklace one, failing that I'll request a cock ring.
I found this on youtube, it made me laugh.
HOLY CRAP: Just had a scary moment then, I pressed something and my whole post went blank, luckily blogger saves my ramblings (spelling mistakes et-al) every minute or so, so I've not lost anything, but that would have made my day worse if I had, I know this blog is shit but it would still piss me off if I lost everything I had spent so long writing.
Soon be December, I hope you all have advent calendars, I have a regular calendar, so I don't need chocolate treats to help me remember what day it is. (says the diabetic in the corner).

Well I think that'll do, I think the next blog update might be the Woggzehs World Christmas Awards 2009, so let me know if you want me to include any awards.

Toodle Ooh

Woggzeh.

you blow a fuse zing boom, the devil cuts loose zing boom, so what's the use wow bam, of falling in love.

2009-11-08T16:51:00.004Z

Then now, how are thee?

Firework night last night and it was a bit of a damp squib in more ways than one, (but less ways than three)firstly it was raining and secondly, it wasn't as good as I remember it being, I don't know if it was because there were less 'big' fireworks or the fact that they didn't do the firework display to music, I don't know. All I know is that I started to get bored after ten minutes and my legs were starting to ache, however, teh big finalé was pretty awesome.
however I did take a picture of the fireworks and the bonfire, which I've cleverly linked to the words 'Fireworks' and 'Bonfire' in the previous sentence because when I attach massive pictures to this blog it means it takes forever to get on my mobile phone. Not that I read my blog on the move I hasten to add, I was trying to look something up that I blogged about way back when but gave up when it took too long.
So what have I learned since last time? well not a right lot, I learned that Jof's not a Jew, although I think he's telling fibs.
I had a dream I was in Australia the other day and because I was moaning about the heat, Lee took me on a bus where it rains inside, only problem was it was full of spiders, which was ok because I wasn't scared but some of the girls were, not a clue who the girls actually were but they are very welcome to return to any of my dreams.
Also, did this for Lee because I was bored.....This
I watched Zombieland the other day and it's a bloody good film, very funny and and and. Go watch it yourself, I'm not Jonathan Ross.

I took this picture, I think it's a sign of things to come......Click Here

so I think I'm out of words and numbers and images to keep you amused so I'll bid you fare-do-well.
Oh yeah, I've been getting loads of spam messages, (at least the spam leaves message you fuckers) but I've added a security thing for messages now so you'll need to do that to confirm you are human, then in the message box, leave your bank details.

take care peeps

Woggzeh.

Well we were born within one hour of each other. Our mothers said we could be sister and brother. Your name is Deborah, Deborah.

2009-10-19T14:46:00.006+01:00

Well hello there strangers.

It's been over a month since the last post and boy what an exciting month it's been! so exciting in fact that I can't remember anything about it
Well, I bought a new computer, it's a packard bell with windows vista, it's a pretty good machine, does what I need it to do, so I'm happy with it, anything is better than my old thing that served me well over the years but sometimes you just got to move on, it's weird, I got rather attached to that machine and was sad to see it go, however, once this bad boy was up and running all felings towards the old machine were vanquished.
Lee has told me some good news and I believe that the news has now trickled through to everyone so I feel safe to tell you that he's going to be a daddy, which is nice and I wish him and his missus all the best with that.
Good show to watch if you are ever bored is "OZ" it's an old show from yankie land about Ozwald penitentary and it's pretty graphic and brutal so give it a looksie.
X-Factor is back and all I know is that I hate the twin things and I'd give that Cheryl Cole one big time!

Jof (and me in a very loose way) has started a new blog thinger in which we hope that you (yes you) will write for us, the concept is simple, we started a story and want you 9yes you!) to add another paragraph and then eventually we will have great story from many peoples imagination. so go here all the details on how to log in are there, so have a fuck about with it.
Anyone watch Chuck? here's why I watch it (picture is in 3D):

I'm going fucking mental downloading shit at the moment, I got a rapidshare account and a program called Jdownloader and I'm currently downloading every film ever made, such is the power, although I got a virus yesterday because the Jdownloader thing unzips files when it downloads them and it let out a Trojan Horsey, but I've managed to get rid of that mother fucker (5 virus scans and two spyware checks later).
Been reading loads, mainly legal thrillers, all are good.
I had an illness a few weeks back, cold, cough, rubbishmness which followed me around for about ten days, that was pretty rough, don't want that again.
I'm off to Wales for the new year, staying in some one horse town with the usual crowd and a few others who have been conned into attending (if we're having a shit time, then so are you!) If anyone out there wants to come along who hasn't been confirmed already then let me know and I'll send you the details aso you can make your own arrangements, the more the merrier, or so they say.
well I'm done, I need to update this shit more often, even if I just put a mucky picture up, it'll be something.
anyway.

toodle ooh.

A friend in needs a friend indeed, A friend with weed is better, A friend with breasts and all the rest, A friend who's dressed in leather.

2009-09-06T19:10:00.003+01:00

Hey Hey.

Improptu update, it's Sunday night and I'm trying to pass the time, I could eat some food but then that'd be eating for the sake of eating, besides, I've just had my tea.
So Barker is back in town and it's great to see him again, he arrived last Sunday and did a DJ set at Rehab, he was fucking good too, I didn't think I'd enjoy it, didn't want to enjoy it, it's not really my thing, you know, dum dum music, but I have to hold my hands up, I had a good time, I even started tapping my foot to the tunes at one point, which was totally out of character. Bullough was over from Morley too and Andy Chiu was in town, the usual crowd were also out so it was a cracking night all round, I left a little after 2am, but Bull and Chris stayed on 'till closing and rolled home at about 6am (apparently) needless to say Bullough had a stinking hangover the next day and looked rough when I saw him, Hannah had to get the train to Harrogate to drive him home, so I'm guessing he's used up all his brownie points now and probably still living on the sofa, nay mind, everyone had a good time, so I'm guessing it was worth it.
I've not really done anything worth mentioning this week, I played poker at Robs on Friday night and didn't win, I guess my heart wasn't in it, as I usually win if I put in a little bit of effort, nay mind, there's always next time.
Going out with Barker tonight as it's his last night in Harrogate before returning to the slums of Bath, I'm not sure what the plan is, maybe go to the quiz at the Coach and Horses, I don't know, see what happens when we get to town.
My new favourite author is Phillip M. Margolin, who writes legal thillers, similar to Grisham, so I'm happy that I've found another great vein on novels to get through, I wonder how long it would take to read every book ever written? (excluding louis de bernier because he's truly terrible).
Barker was showing me some thing he did for a Jack Daniels promotion where he had to interview Brett Anderson (lead singer from Suede) which is pretty cool, as I get star struck just watching tv, this was pretty fucking exciting for me, and quite how I would have composed myself during the interview would be a different matter, first thing I would ask is if he had Justine Frischmanns number, then press him to get Louise Weners number, maybe? I don't know. He also interviewd Carl Barratt who is the other one in that band with Pete Docherty, the Libertines. He seemed like a dick and I would have made him look like a cunt by telling him to move from the chair because I was waiting for someone famous. Cock!
I watched Tim Vine live (dvd) yesterday, it's really funny, but even I (a massive fan)found him a bit tedious after 45 minutes, still, I've managed to nick half his material and will be passing it off as my own over the next few weeks, so don't ask if I've stolen it, because I probably have.
If you haven't tried them yet, get some frosties cerial bars from the shop, they are fooking tasty and bad for you, but who gives a shit, I can whole heartedly recommend them, so keep your eye out for them next time you go shopping.
Had a very funny conversation with my dad about my 8GB memory stick, he doesn't know how you can get a movie on something so small, 'how does the film spin round in that thing?' he asked I just shook my head, then I told him that I can get about ten films on that little thing, and he was totally flabbergasted, sometimes old people can be so funny.
Well,I think that'll do for now. I've been sober for 9 months now by the way, I know you are probably getting bored of the monthly 'I've been sober for....' but fuck it, It's my blog, I realise it's also no longer a suprise as I must have been sober because I'm still alive and updating this blog, if I was drinking again then I'd be in my wooden overcoat.
Well. Definitely going now, go to go get some moolah then meet Chris.

Toodle ooh, take care peoples.

Woggzeh.

I met you before the fall of Rome And I begged you to let me take you home You were wrong, I was right You said goodbye, I said goodnight.

2009-08-16T15:56:00.003+01:00

Howdy peeps.

I'm writing today with a lot of sadness because this morning my dog, Bonnie, had to be put to sleep, she was old and had been very poorly (with a tumour) for about two years, she was doing OK until today when she couldn't walk and it was clear that her back legs had given up, so we took her to the vet and paid £45 to have our dog killed, may she rest in peace.
I had forgotten how upsetting it was to lose a pet, I've got that horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach and I feel really bad for no reason, I actually didn't feel this upset when my grandma died, so all in all today is pretty depressing. Still, onwards and upwards as they say.
I've been spending most of my time playing on my newly aquired PSP, I bought it from Matt's brother and it's awesome, it's been chipped (or whatever it is they do to it) so I can play games downloaded off the internet, (obviously I'm not condoning piracy, I'm just playing them to see if I like them enough to purchase the game.)
My favourite game has to be Smackdown vs Raw, but footy manager is up there as excellent, also the 621 gameboy games I downloaded to play on it is cracking too, I think 621 games is just about every gameboy game that was ever made, I'm particually enjoying Zelda because I had it on the gameboy (back int' day) and completed it and now I'm playing it again and it's like a new game, I can't remember how everything was done so it's all a new learning curve. Acers!!!!
I spoke to Barker recently and he tells me he's coming to Harrogate at the end of the month and will be pressing play on some of his cd's at the FIRE party on the 30th August, as it's a bank holiday weekend it means that if you can make it then you should come, come on, get your glad rags on and boog-a-loog till you puke.
My fish, Pudge, is still alive and swimming about like a fish does (Larry and Curly died so I went to the shop and spoke to some guy who knew what he was on about), he's a greedy little fish, always wanting more food, it even swims to the side of the tank where it's food is kept and just looks at it....hungrily, the cat does the same thing when it spots the fish swimming around.
Well, not much else to say so I'm going to go mope around for a bit and maybe play some games on my psp.

Toodle pip.

Woggzeh.

Late last night I got an S. O. S. The fairy tale girl's in deep distress She says I don't know where I am But it's near Japan.

2009-07-26T13:22:00.004+01:00

So hey, how are ya?

Sunday comes round so quickly, and I know I haven't blogged since the long and boring camping trip blog, I felt that I should write a few words today just to stop the inevitable comments reminding me to update.
So what? My fish Mo died less than a week after I bought him which was shit, I don't know what happened he just stopped moving and became dead, so that was a waste of £2. The other two (Larry and Curly) are still alive but they just seem to sit on the stones at the bottom of the tank and do fuck all, I don't know what's wrong with them, they might be lazy or they could be ill, so I'm going to go to the pet shop tomorrow and ask for their advice, I can see me spending a million quid on a fucking pet that cost £1.30.
Everyone seems to have swine flu at the moment and all I've got is the sniffles which I have every other day of the year anyway, Obviously I don't want to get swine flu because it's shit, but I'm not impressed with everyone else having it and thus having better facebook status' than me.
I watched that Lesbian Vampire Killers film the other night and it's shit, the jokes are OK, but if, like me, you think Horne and Corden are bellends, then it's shit, and there's hardly any lesbianism in it, which is shit. I've actually not been that disappointed with the lack of porn in a film since I was told to 'take a box of tissues' with me to Schindlers list. Obviously got my wires crossed there.
Just read some cool news that Pat Sharpe ( you know him) wants to bring back Fun House on an adult level so it could be brilliant Saturday evening television, I say it's a great idea and everyone should get behind it and join a facebook group or something to support it.Here is a recent picture of Pat and the Twins, Melanie and Martina:

I've got three teams in playoff finals on Soccer Manager tonight so I'm going to be pissed off if they all fail, I really want Aston Villa to go up because I lost in the final last season to Jofs team. Bastard.
I've found a new favourite author, last week it was Richard North Patterson, but now and think this guy will definitely stay up there in my top three is called Lorenzo Carcaterra. He wrote Sleepers which is a fantastic book, but I took a punt on him and bought a book he wrote called 'Gangster' and it reads like a dream, in fact, so far, it's fucking brilliant. The strange thing is that it's very similar to the gangster story that I started writing, which is a bit frustrating as it's already been written, but also encouraging as it show that I'm having some good ideas, just about 10 years too late!
Well. I'm bored now, so I'm going to have a quick bash on Mafia Wars of facebook, if you've not played it yet, then join my mafia, it'll make up the numbers so I don't lose every fight and you don't even have to play it again, just join my mafia and forget about it. Simple, and you'll be doing me a huge favour.

Right, Moff.

Woggzeh.

Coniston 10th - 13th July 2009

2009-07-14T13:52:00.008+01:00

FRIDAY

"I want to do a handstand on top of Rob's car 'Teenwolf style' were the last words Matt said to me before I was picked up for the annual trip to Coniston. The weeks of preparation and excitement had finally arrived and as per usual, everyone had far too much gear to take and so the car was filled to the brim before we even set off.
The journey was a joyous as ever, with the CD that I made making the journey a proper event. A CD which is so good that Robin hasn't given it back!
It took about 2 hours to get to our destination the sun was shining and everything was perfect, the weatherman had informed us that Friday would be nice but the rest of the weekend would be pissing it down.
The tents got erected and everyone settled in, I gave my tent the once over with seam sealer (a silicon paste the waterproofs the tent seams.) We then sat around and waited for Steve to arrive which he did about and hour and a half after us, his tent was massive, and as I sat there watching him struggle to erect it, I turned to Trelly and told him that any decent person would help him do that, Trelly agreed with me and then thankfully Bradders and Paul got up to help him, I have to admit, it was close, I had visions of me getting out of my seat for a moment, but, they did the job just fine and before long Steve was settled in with a beer.
We went down to the lake and had a swim in the feezing waters, Robin turned a nice shade of blue so he got out of the lake, it was bloody cold but it was okay once you got past your knackers and started swimming around. After about an hour we all got out and went back to our tents. Trelly, Robin, Matt, Paul and myself decided to go do the walk that I did back in March along the lake side and through the woods. We walked for about 45 minutes in a southwards direction ( The question of which direction we were headed caused one hell of a pointless discussion) then we skimmed some stones and made our way back to the campsite, Matt managed to do a brilliant trip, he caught his right foot on a tree root, stumbled forward and promptly caught his left foot on a tree root, it was hilarious from where I was standing. During the walk back it got quite scary as Matt thought someone had thrown a stone at him and Trelly mentioned that he saw someone out of the corner of his eye in the woods and then Matt accused me of throwing the stone at him, I told him I didn't throw anything and Trelly backed me up by telling Matt that I hadn't thrown anything, Matt seemed content that I was innocent and hadn't thrown anything and spent the weekend thinking someone was hidden in the woods throwing stones, when, in fact, it was me that threw the offending stone.
We went back to the campsite and the goats arrived to see what food they could nick, Robin was at the shower so Bradders decided that it would be a good idea to get the goat into Robins tent, with ambitious plans of locking the goat in there to scare the shit out of Rob when he returned. The goat was content eating all our bread and going in everyones tent, eventually we had run out of food so the goat shit all over the place and then buggered off, I suppose that'll teach us to mess with goats.
Once we had eaten and Matt had had his 10th nap of the day we went into town to the pub, we stoped off at the Ship Inn and got bitten by the midges so we went into town to get a drink in the Sun Inn, I was of course only on soft drinks, but they are still overpriced which is really annoying, but that's the way it goes. We went to the Yedale and finally onto the Crown. The darts were apparently broken so we couldn't play darts, Robin put some songs on the jukebox and every single one skipped throughout, which made the terrible selection of songs sound even worse, Trelly, who wasn't drinking because of some medication realised late on in the evening that drunk people are incredibly loud and annoying, I agreed and told him, "Welcome to my world".
Eventually we went back to our campsite and sat in Steves mansion all chatting before one by one, trailing off to bed.

SATURDAY

I got up at about 7:30 and made a brew, the thing with boiling a kettle is that there is only enough water in the thing for about three cups of tea, but everyone wants to nick your hot water, it's hilarious to witness, you could even think that heating up water was a difficult task. Anyway, everyone eventualy got up and had their breakfasts and we sat around for a bit deciding what to do (while Matt had a nap), The majority wanted to stay at the campsite and do some swimming as it was a magnificently hot day, the weatherman had been wrong, and we were going to exploit this fact and enjoy the sun that we shouldn't be getting. Ha, that'll learn him! Robin, Trelly and myself decided to go on a walk to Tarn Hows, my guide book says that it's about 6 miles from the centre of Coniston, so I stupidly decided that we would walk to the start point and then do our 6 mile walk. I slapped on a load of sun cream, put on my hat and the three of us set off, before we had got to the start point I realised what a stupid idea it was not to drive to the car park, never the less, I was in a good mood and was well up for the walk, Robin managed to get the song 'Hi-Ho' stuck in my head, which was annoying, but you've always got to have some song stuck in your head at any one time, otherwise you'll go crazy.
The walk was really nice even though some of the uphill bits were a struggle and we saw a folly like structure which my guide book informs me used to house foxhounds at the turn of the century (I'm presuming they mean 19th to the 20th century), I plodded on like a professional rambler eventually arriving at the picturesque area of Tarn Hows, we stopped to eat our sandwiches and I got a raspberry ripple ice cream which was the best ice cream I've ever had, it had a real raspberry in it too, proper yum.
After about half an hour we set off back to Coniston through the woods and we stopped to look at the Tom Gill waterfall which is very impressive, over 20 foot high and made Niagra falls look like a plumbing accident. The walk back was pretty uneventful but at least it was relatively flat, the next day when we drove to Ambleside we followed the path we had walked and I realised that we had actually walked, (in technical terms)'a bloody long way' the walk was about 7-8 miles in total. We eventually got back to the campsite and told everyone about out walk, and told them that it was at least 10 miles, (with the walking distance increasing with each re-telling or any mention of walking) I went for a shower and chilled for the rest of the afternoon, Matt went for a nap after a hard morning doing nothing and at one point I had to wake him from his nap to remind him that it was time for his sleep. Bless him.
That evening saw us head straight across the fields into Coniston and thus missing out the Ship Inn, which is a shame, but it's not as good a place as it used to be back in the day.
In the Crown we got some arrows and had a game of darts with me being the greatest darts player you'll ever see, even making a three dart checkout from 58, (10, 14,double 17) I went on to win four games before getting bored and letting Matt win.
At about 10:30 the rain started and when it rains in the Lake District it really does rain, luckily I had my waterproof jacket on so I was okay, the rest of the group got a bit wet, we sat in Steves mansion and he put the heater on, everyone got dry and then we all decided to try and kill ourselves by tasting the chilli sauce that comes in the Doner Kebab pot noodle, have you tried it yet? fuck me it's hot.
Eventually everyone went to bed and I listened to the rain until about 3am then it suddenly stopped, happy times, I fell asleep.

Sunday

I got up at about 7:30 and after having a wash and cleaning my teeth, no one else was up so I took a walk around the lake and back to the tents and still no one was up, so I sat and relaxed and eventually people started stirring and before long everyone was up and about, we all wished Robin a happy birthday and everyone set about their morning rituals. It was a bit grey and overcast but it was dry, we all went to Ambleside to Daisy's and I had a full monty breakfast, (Egg, Bacon, Sausage, Mushrooms, Beans, Tomatoes, Fried Bread, Toast, Hash Browns and Black pudding and a cup of tea) and that filled me for the day, I was well and truly stuffed.
We walked around Ambleside and then went back to the campsite, four of the lads wanted to go find a bouldering place so they set off up the old man to look for it leaving Paul, Steve and myself to go for a walk up the arse end of the campsite where it really is in the middle of the woods, the horrible toilets are still there but the door was locked so Steve pissed against that, we found a few rope swings and I found a mallet. We went back to the tents and sat around chatting, eventually the others came back and informed us that they couldn't find the place they were looking for. A woman came round on her bike and asked to see our camping tickets, ( I forgot to mention earlier that when I checked in the man undercharged me, I was paying for four people for three nights but he charged me for three people for three nights, we kept it quiet but when this woman rocked up I though we were rumbled and would have to pay the extra. But, she didn't even notice the error and was content with our reciepts and so she rode off, I let out a long breath and nearly collapsed, honestly, I'd be rubbish under police questioning.
We sat around talking about everything and nothing, the way it always goes. We had our suppers and ventured out to the pubs again, Matt, Robin and me had a strange conversation about bad circulation and things you can do to thin your blood like taking aspirin or rat poison, I gasped, "Rat Poison?" and Matt said, "Yeah, my grandad took rat poison before he died" Rob and I stopped what we were doing for a second and then burst out laughing, Matt hadn't meant it the way it sounded, but it was a bloody funny moment, I guess you had to be there.
Steve got caught trying to take his pint from the Yewdale to the Crown, We didn't get to play darts, so we sat at the big table in the corner and all talked over each other, Robin ran to the Jukebox and put on some truly dreadful tunes so we left him and Matt there and went to sit outside, upon returning to the bar for another coke, I heard a local telling his mate that "the two gay boys over there", (Robin and Matt)"Have just put on the jukebox, Simply Red, Pet Shop Boys and some other shite" I got my drink and went back outside laughing my bollocks off.
We walked home at about midnight and went to bed soon after, I was knackered so I fell asleep easily, although I must have slept in a funny position because halfway through the night I woke up and couldn't feel my entire arm, it was dead, I swung my torso and my arm just swung around as if it was on a rag doll, I was a bit disturbed because I didn't know what to do, eventually I managed to get some feeling back into it and went back to sleep, I had to pack all my gear up the next day and I wan't looking forward to it, I prayed it wouldn't rain, the weather man had been so wrong so far that his forcast of Monday being nice was exactly the opposite of what I expected.

Monday

I got up just after 8am a few people were about it was a lovely morning, I couldn't be bothered buggering about too much so after I returned from the loos, I set to work packing up, I soon realised that I couldn't be bothered, but I eventually got everything packed away and in Robs car (where Matt was already having a nap), Steve wanted to prove how big his tent was and so he drove his car inside it.
Everyone took their sweet ass time to take their tents down, but I wasn't in a rush, I love it in Coniston, I was hungry though and we had decided to go try a café that we found on our walk on Saturday that's in Coniston but out of the way of where we usually venture.
The full english breakfast was very good and cheaper than Daisy's plus I could get a free refill of tea, but the sausage sandwich and bacon butties were rather expensive, so I don't know if we weill be going there again, I think we should though when you consider going to Ambleside takes up time and money (petrol and car parking fees) the price is about the same.
We left Coniston at 11am and said our goodbyes to Steve and had a steady drive back home (Matt napped most of the way), We got home just after 1pm and I was grateful to spend a long time on the toilet before having a blistering hot bath. ahh the life!
We are thinking of going back for the August bank holiday as some of the guys want to do the helvellyn walk (not me I hasten to add), so if you fancy coming (Jof and Jen, Dave and Han, (and any others who fancy it) then let me know and I'll let you know the details, you don't have to do the walking if you don't fancy it, because I certainly won't be.

Woggzeh.

I could be wrong, I could be right, I could be black, I could be white, I could be right, I could be wrong, I could be white, I could be black.

2009-07-01T12:02:00.007+01:00

Now the people of the world. Unite! Hold hands! and read my blog!

Actually this blog is rather impromptu and I don't know why I'm doing it. There is celebrity cash in the attic (With Nick Hancock) on television and I could quite easily watch that. But I think I'll waste ten minutes and then go settle down and watch bargain hunt.
I'm super excited about Camping next weekend, I don't know why, I'm not normally this excited until the night before, but for some reason I'm positively pissing my pants with glee this time around. It'll probably be shit, or it will rain all weekend, or I won't be able to go or something pants like that, and I'll be really disappointed. But at the moment I'm a happy clappy fatty chappie.
I spent £80 on a pair of trousers, Jacket and shoes last week and although I love my purchases. I have a bit of a hollow feeling in my gut that I spent EIGHTY FUCKING QUID on something as boring as clothes. If I'd have bought a computer or spent it on booze and pissed it all up the wall then I would be chuffed at spending my money wisely, but no, I bought clothes, and it didn't stop there, I went and spent £16 at Matalan t'other day too. Crazy days.
I'm still really pleased with Spotify, if you don't use it or know what it is then look it up, I'm not your only source of information you know!
It's fantastic and I've found some really fucking cheesy shit on here that I thought had been lost in the midst of time (Manhattan Transfer or Twisted Sister anybody?) So yeah, get yourself over to Spotify and enjoy.
Soccer Manager is taking up at least 25 hours of each day, I've taken over some really pants teams, (Ebbsfleet, Farsley Celtic and Northwich Victoria) this is all because I took over Crewe Alexandra ages ago and went on to win a cup and also promotion in my first season, seriously exciting times in my life!
Right I'm going to go now, my book has just landed on the mat. I'm using play trade a lot now, it's cheap and easy and as I can't be arsed to walk to the library it suits me fine. Besides, if I order a book into the library, then that can take a week [to arrive] and costs 60p. I can buy a book on playtrade and have it delivered to my door three days later for £2. I think the extra £1.60 is worth it.
Right people. I think that'll do now. Bargain hunt is on and I've nothing more to write. I'll do a big ol' Coniston blog when I get back.

Take care

Woggzeh.

Tumble outta bed and I stumble to the kitchen Pour myself a cup of ambition.

2009-06-15T16:47:00.003+01:00

Hello.

Why do people all think that they can do a decent impersonation of Elvis Presley, when, actually, nobody sounds any good while attempting this impersination, in fact, nearly everyone I've heard trying to sing like Elvis ends up sounding like they are singing whilst having a shit! so give up now. Shameless fools.
I don't know why Lee is so interested in an update because I've not done anything to warrant an update. Sorry dude! I saw Bullough yesterday which was nice.
On Saturday I went out with Matt and Paul and went to the usual pubs but decided to go try out Lure bar, which is a strange place, I'll reserve judgement until someone else tells me what I should think of the place, the toilets scared the shit out of me, (not literally, but I would have been in the right place should they have done) you see there are mirrors facing you and mirrors beind you and so you see your face looking back at you a million times, (you know what I mean, I don't need to explain this phenomena) but the worst part is that the piss trough (I'm sure it has a real name like elongated urinal or something, but every bloke will know what I mean when I say piss trough). Well the piss trough is built into the wall and so with the mirrors doing their thing, I wasn't sure if the trough was on my left or right! You see my problem, luckily I managed to piss in the right place, but I could imagine going in after a few beers and pissing all over the wall.
After there we rushed up to Carringtons, sadly this is probably the best night club in Harrogate which tells you a lot about Harrogate, but non-the-less in we went. I was robbed at the bar, being charged £3 for a pint of coke! I had the last laugh though, I went onto drinking halves. Ha!!!!
Anyway, I suppose here is as good as any to make my appeal, as I get all sorts of weird and wonderful people reading this drivel so here goes. On Saturday night in Carringtons, there was a gorgeous female roughly 25-28 years old, just less than 6 foot tall, slim body and red hair, she also looks Czech or Russian, you know the look the Eastern bloc women have, she wasn't American, put it that way. anyway, if any of you know a lass who fits this description and was in Carringtons on Saturday night, then please let me know because I want to marry her. She was gorgeous, needless to say that by the time I built up the courage to talk to her, she buggered off to the loo, then went dancing with her female friend (black hair and kind of cute). So I missed that opportunity, Matt missed the whole she-bang, because he was dancing with Paul, (Matt's idea of dancing is to wave his arms and walk backwards and Paul, well, it's difficult, you can tell he knows all the cool dance moves because he's seen them in the movies, but he can't execute them to save his life) happily I sat back and drank my fizzy pop.
I think that brings us up to date, I'm not writing any more, I hope that will satisfy Lee. I'm off Camping next month so there will be a blog when I return from there, I might blog beforehand, but I'm not making promises.

Oh, and a reminder, if you know the red head I'm talking about, PLEASE let me know, There's a drink in it for you.

Woggzeh

If you got dreams in your heart, why don't you share them with me? and if dreams don't come true I'll make sure that you're nightmares are through.

2009-05-22T18:36:00.004+01:00

Hey peeps.

So it's Friday evening and I'm struggling to find things to do. So I thought I would enlighten you all to an emphatic effervescent enigmatic update, or none of the above and just keep it as a normal update.
So what's up?
Well, Prison Break has finished, ended, all over,au revoir, is no more apart from the two hour special which is on Wednesday night at 10pm. the show had gone a little stale and so I guess ending it was the best thing to do, although it was a fantastic episode which nearly made me cry like a baby, I won't spoil it for you if you've not seen it, but T-Bag ends up back in Jail and everyone else is exonerated, and Michael and Sarah have a baby boy, but Michael's brain tumour kills him off, very sad indeed.
Last week was Eurovision and I thought it was great, England came fifth and Norway won with a song called 'Fairytale' which is good and I have the song on MP3 if anyone wants it for themselves.
I also got the new Green Day album and the Eminem album, both are pretty good and worth a listen, I suggest you do just that.
My novel is coming on nicely I've written a whole 1000 words this weeks, it's funny that I can always find something else to do when I sit down to write some more, even though I know where I am going with the story I just cant be arsed to write it, I need one of those programs that writes down the words when you speak to the screen, you know what I mean?
Doctor has given me more pills to take in order to keep my blood sugars at an acceptable level, but I doubt my pancreas will ever work properly again so I've got to accept that I will have to deal with having diabetes, which isn't the worst thing in the world to deal with, it's not as bad as AIDS and I definitely don't want that again!!!!.
Well, I think I've wasted enough of your time and mine, I'll let you go back to your lives and I'll go find something to do other than write my novel.

Good Morrow.

Woggzeh

People say I'm crazy doing what I'm doing, Well they give me all kinds of warnings to save me from ruin.

2009-05-15T17:33:00.003+01:00

Now then.

It's been a while since my last update and so I thought I'd treat you to a new one.
Well, as you might have guess I've not been upto a right lot so I'll tell you about how I'm doing after all that medical shit I've been through. Well I'm still off the alcohol which is cool, but my blood glucose levels are still way hight so I'm on pills to lower that, hopefully it will only be tempoary while my Pancreas sorts itself out, but if I'm honest, I think I'll be stuck with diabetes for the rest of my life, never mind, it could be worse!
Underbelly season two has finished and I'm already chomping at the bit for season three, they have been bloody brilliant so far and I love a bit of true life gangster shit.
I've read just about every book I've ever wanted to read and so I'm now devouring Frederick Forsyth, who so far is fucking brilliant, especially his short stories which have blown me away with their excellence, makes writes like Grisham, Patterson, Dan Brown et al, look rather amateurish in comaparison, so that gives me hope when it comes to my own writings, of which I'm not doing too bad (considering getting 'Willoughby' self-published if I can get it finished in time for xmas, then that's some cheap and easy gifts for family. 'Here, I wrote a book'), if only my computer would stop re-setting itself randomly, I might be able to get some work done! I'm guessing it's a power pack problem, or maybe I'm over heating, I've got the side open, and it's still doing it, so I need suggestions, preferably better than Trellies suggestion of 'Turn it off then it wont reset itself'.
well, short and sweet is better than long and bitter I guess and I have oither things I need to be getting on with. So I'll try to update a bit more in the coming week(s)

Catch you later.

I'll get over you.. I know I will I'll pretend my ship's not sinking

2009-04-09T18:49:00.002+01:00

Hello one and all, all and one.

Thought I would update as I can now confirm that I have one avid reader who enjoys my blog (only took three years, thanks Janine!).
SO I've not been doing a right lot, still hiding behind my doctors note and rather work shy, I've been advised by the job centre to wangle another week sick leave then I'll qualify for tax credits and some money for going back to work, it sounded dodgy but the woman in the J.C said it was okay and I shouldn't miss out on the free money for the sake of a week, just got to get my doctor to sign me off, it shouldn't be too difficult as I'm seeing my doctor for three different problems, and if she says that I can't have any more time off sick then I'll throw a tantrum and threaten to start drinking again, that'll learn her good and proper.
I've been writing and doing a lot of reading, finished about 6 books since I last posted, the only one I didn't like was the Bourne Identity, I found it too long winded with some really good high points followed by some really really REALLY boring low points, but that's how it goes, also, it's nothing like the movie which is annoying as the movie is crackers.
I've been writing my own stuff too, theres my Gangster novel which I'm sad to say has gone stale, my Prison story which is going well and I'm really having fun with that and I'm working on a police/drama/thriller book called 'Willoughby' which I'm quite excited about, although not excited enough to actually write the bloody thing, I'm hoping it will write itself because everytime I sit down to knock out a chapter or two I always find something to distract me and then it doesn't get written. Very frustrating.
It was Pauls birthday yesterday he is now 30 and very old, we went out to a few pubs, I stayed on Coke (against my doctors orders, too much sugar and all.) it was an OK night and I came home, read for a while then I couldn't sleep so I got up and had a crazy conversation on Facebook with Janine who was cold and not asleep for some strange reason, I never actually asked her why she was awake, maybe because she's pregnant, do pregnant women sleep? I don't know, I've never been a pregnant woman so I'm just guessing.
It's Easter weekend and we should all rejoice because Easter has something to do with Jesus and God and the Bible (I think) and I think we are supposed to do something religious. Is Palm Sunday what I think it is?, if it isn't then I'm going to adapt it to my way of thinking.
I can't be arsed to write any more because I want to get back to writing my novel which will then deviate to me checking Facebook and Soccer Manager, So I'll bid you farewell, have a nice weekend.

Woggzeh.

Coniston 21-03-09

2009-03-22T17:52:00.002Z

With the very real threat of some fool suggesting that everyone should go walking up the Old Man of Coniston, I swung into action very early and on January 4th 2009 part one of my plan was put into action, three weeks later I was released from hospital to execute part two, which was to be able to hide behind a doctors note for long enough, claiming I'm too poorly to do such a trek, that the fell walking event had either passed or been abandoned.
Alas, Yesterday, Dave [Dee, Dozy, Beaky, Mick and Titch], Rob, Matt, Paul, Mike and Bradders did their walk up the Old Man and I managed to not do it. Instead I managed to wangle a bloody good day out walking around Coniston, on flat lands (well, it got a bit steep in one place), with the sun in my face (burning my fat, bald, head), I can't really tell you much about the day that the lads had, but it would go something like this: went upwards > summited > went downwards. And until one of them writes their own blog that's the way it'll stay, so here is how my day went.
I waved the lads off at 11am and thought, "Fuck Me, what now?" all week I had been telling everyone that I'd be fine, I'll have loads to do, but in reality, I thought that I'd be fucked for things to do after ten minutes and have to go sit in a cafe or the pub, so I went to the Tourist Information place and picked up some leaflets, then I walked down to the Bluebird Cafe and ordered a cup of tea (£1.45) I sat in the sun and read my leaflets which were encouraging me to spend my hard earned money on boat trips that looked shit.
One 'event' that I fancied trying was something called 'Jumping Jenny' there was a picture of a pretty lass below the words, I looked all over but couldn't find it, I guess that because we are only a week into tourist season then most of the attractions haven't started yet.
After my luke warm brew, I walked down a little track that takes you no - fucking - where, I turned around and found myself back at the Bluebird cafe (the track incidently, is the same one I took everyone on later when we all met up, it hadn't changed, I just wanted them to feel the same disappointment that I felt).
I thought I would walk back to town and think about what to do when on my way back I saw a sign pointing out the footpath to Torver, "I'll have a bit of that" I thought to myself and jumped over the little stye and set off across the fields eventually realising that I was heading towards Coniston Hall campsite, that's when I decided to just walk and walk through Torver woods and go as far as I dare before turning around to meet the others in town, I had a great walk, it was so peaceful and quiet and I kept sitting down on a rock (not the same rock each time I must add) to enjoy my surroundings, if I'd taken my sandwiches and a bottle of water then it would have been perfect.
I eventually got as far as I could and checked my watch, it was time to turn back and go to town, I managed to get to the Ship Inn a few minutes after they had closed so I had to walk to town for a drink (I was really thirsty by now), I got to the Black Bull [called Alan] and ordered a pint of coke with ice (£2.40) I sat outside and started drinking my coke, about 10 seconds later I had an empty glass so I went to the newsagents and got a paper, then went to the Yewdale for another pint of coke with ice and a slice (£2.80, a fucking rip off, especially when the lager is £2.70), I sat outside and started reading my paper when some ignorant bastard starts honking his car horn, I turn to glare at the fucker and see that it's Rob and everyone else, they've done the walk in about 3 hours, I was impressed.
I jumped in Pauls car and we went back to the Bluebird cafe where we watched a boat being launched, listened to some bloke with a dog collar go on about some fucker called Jesus who would save the rowers in a storm and he prayed and we ignored and they prayed some more and we ignored some more and they prayed harder and we ingored them harder, eventually getting bored with the tedium so I took them on the track that goes nowhere to show them what nowhere looks like.
After fish and chips we went to our digs, the Holly How Youth Hostel, we eventually got checked in after making the check-in as confusing as we possibly could, with some paying by card, others by cash, him paying for him, me paying for you, two having discount cards, the others having to pay a £3 supplimentary fee, write your name and address here and somewhere in the midst of the commotion I was entered into a free prize draw to win a car!
The room was fine and dandy and about as much as you'd expect really, we made our beds up, and I went for a shit, when I came back the room was locked and Matt was stood at the door looking rather peterbed, it turns out that Paul had locked the door and buggered off for a shower with a key (the second key being inside the room) so when Paul got back from his shower he found 6 tired people arguing over who had the bloody door key!
We hit town at about 6.30 pm, everyone was knackered and really wanted their beds, but it was way too early, so we went to the Yewdale, then to the Ship Inn (2.40 for a coke) and we watched Wipeout on the BBC, with everyone in the room joining in with the 'ooh's' and 'ahh's' and the laughter, when that finished and Robin had managed to insult a Ginger bloke in the room.
We went back to town in the pitch blackness and settled into the Crown where I stuck to coke and everyone else stuck to getting pissed, Paul got some darts from the bar and this caused mayhem, drunk people don't add up very well, Bradbury pressing buttons on the score machine doesn't help matters either but most of all, the biggest problem was that none of us can play darts! Apart from Matt's smashing double eleven, I think most games went down to double one and then a 'nearest to bull' contest, as the night wore on, everyone was getting more tired and ready for bed, Robin was getting nicely drunk and started a game of darts with Paul, having got bored of 301 and 501, Rob decided that the best way to get more excitement out of the game was to start playing 901, we managed to leave halfway through and the darts players decided that 901 was, in fact, a shit idea, and came with us too.
Back in the room we all had the usual giggles, the room was fucking dark, Paul claimed he's never been in a room so dark, I suggested to Trelly to 'turn the light on to see how dark it is' and to his credit, he actually turned the light on. Bless.
I managed to get a crap nights sleep, due to (1) being all fizzed up with Coke, (2) an inability to sleep that I've had for a week and (3) people snoring, most notably Paul who currently hold the world record for loudest snore at 872 decibels.
Morning came and as usual with leaving day it was a boring sombre affair, we went to Daisy's and I had the 8 items breakfast (no Black Pudding and no Fried Bread), that filled me up then we went back to the car and Mike drove us all home.

Notable mentions that I couldn't be arsed writing about -

1) My pants falling out of the bottom of my trousers.
2) Spacker woman who threatened to throw Vodka over Bradder if he chatted her up.
3) Matt spotting Ken Hom.
4) Trelly finding graffiti that he did 11 years ago.
5) The Alien space ship that I'm convinced was real aliens, there's no other explination.

Thank you for reading.

Woggzeh

I've been roaming around, I've been looking down at all I see, painted faces fill the places I can reach, you that I could use somebody

2009-03-16T16:25:00.004Z

Thought I'd better write something as I'm getting really bad at updating.
So I'm Okay I guess, no more pancreas problems, I'm off to see my consultant on the 26th and hopefully he'll have good news, been having a few pains but nothing debilitating, I can walk to town and back, but that's about my limit before I feel fucked and get a lot of stomach pains, I actually feel a bit guilty because I don't look like I've got anything wrong with me and it's too easy to say, "I'm in pain" because I don't have to prove it and can't prove it, well I could probably squeeze out a few tears, but, you know what I mean? I'm actually worried people are going to start thinking I'm faking it and hiding behind a doctors letter just because I can, well I'm not, I'm honestly not!
I'm still sober it's been two and a half months now and although it doesn't sound like much, I'm quite proud of myself, it's been a lot easier than I imagined it would be, you should all try go without alcohol for a month (and don't choose Febuary because it's the shortest month) you'll find you sleep a hell of a lot better at the very least plus you'll save a few quid.
So how are you guys?
I'm going to Consiton on Saturday, the lads are going to walk up the Old Man and I'm going to mooch around Coniston, I plan to look at some of the 'tourist' things that I've not seen yet and might even go on the gondola boat thinger, then grab some lunch in the Crown or Yewdale and a pint of coke or two and read my book.
Speaking of books I've finished 7 books this year so far, I only read one book while I was in hospital and now I'm kicking myself that I could have bashed out at least ten, anyway I can whole heartedly reccomend:
The Partner - John Grisham
The Summons - John Grisham
The Street Lawyer - John Grisham
The Innocent Man - John Grisham
Skipping Christmas - John Grisham
Underbelly - John Silvester and Andrew Rule
The Sound of Laughter - Peter Kay

I've just stared reading anothr John Grisham book called 'the Appeal' and it's promising to be a cracker, so I'm happy (can you guess who my favourite author is?).
I've also had time to do some writing too, I've been working on my gangster novel and a prison novel which have been fun, but I wrote chapter one of the prison novel on my laptop and when I send it over to my desktop computer, it doesn't open, so I'm going to have to type it all out again so I can have the whole story in one place, bit of a shitter but there you go.
I've also been digging up my back garden because I want to grow some veg, but that's about as much as I have to tell you on that as it's not that interesting and I can't plant anything yet as the weather is due to get colder, so that'll fuck up everything.

That'll do, catch you all later.

Woggzeh.

On days like these when skies are blue and fields are green I look around and think about what might have been .......

2009-02-09T08:37:00.002Z

Hello

So I thought I'd write a little something to update you on my condition, because I know you are all worried sick.
I went to see my consultant on Thursday and he was really impressed with my blood test results, which show that I am getting better at an extremely impressive speed, although I am still very anaemic but I should get over that in a couple of months, I'm still having lots of pains in and around my stomach which are normal apparently, and it is possible that where my pancreas used to be there are now lots of cysts growing, (cysts being the doctors word so he doesn't panic you into the fact you might have cancer) most of the cysts are benign, but it's always best to keep a close check on these things, they can also prove fatal if they grow too big and explode, so best have that checked, I'm going for an ultra scan sometime soon, I'll let you know the results.
The consultant also reiterated how close I came to dying, and told me that when he first saw me he was extremely worried, what with the pancreitis and jaundice and massive amounts of blood coming from the places that you shouldn't be losing blood from, he showed me his original notes and had written "N.M.H" which stands for "Not Much Hope" [for survival] so basically I was on morphene to keep me comfortable during what was expected to be my last few days alive, I was supposed to be in Intensive Care too, but they didn't have any beds spare, so I was in the nice ward with all the other nutters (the bloke opposite me had an imaginary dog that slept under his bed).
So close to death and yet I survived, I suppose I should actualy do something with my life now, I can't drink alcohol, and I thought that'd be for a year or so, but I've been reading up on my condition, (Severe Acute Pancreatitis) and there is a good chance I'll get it again, and other people have said, "I had my first alcoholic drink 3 years after suffering pancreatitis and a couple of days later I was back in hospital with it" so I think I'm fucked forever on that one, never mind, it's only alcohol, it's not worth dying over, although I don't get why alcohol is singled out as I'm allowed fizzy pop! I can't eat fatty foods because I can't digest it, I have some pills to help aid digestion (called Creon) but they make me poorly so I can't take them, apparently, I will be able to eat most foods withing 12-24 months. I can't eat spicy foods, so no curries, which makes me sad, but I did buy a Chicken and Mushroom pot noodle the other day with the thought in my head that if that makes me feel poorly then I may as well buy myself an 8 pack of beer, because life isn't worth living, luckily I ate the pot noodle and felt fine, well I say fine, I feel bloated and horrible for an hour or so after everything I eat (even a cup of tea makes me feel a bit poorly because of the milk), this is supposedly normal, but can also be blamed on the cysts that could be growing inside me and putting pressure on my stomach.
So basically, I'll probably live, but I'm still fucked, I've a long way to go and am still in constant pain, which the doctor can't do much about, I've been taken off the mega pain killers because too many are not good for you and have to take paracetamol for any pain now, which does help a little, I've stopped losing weight as rapidly as I was doing, (lost 2 stone in a month) but I'm not putting any weight on, which the doctor wants me to do.
Anyway, I think that brings us up to date (ish). I hope you are all well and good, speak to you soon.

Woggzeh.

Hector was the first of the gang with a gun in his hand and the first to do time the first of the gang to die. Oh my.

2009-01-31T19:03:00.003Z

Well I didn't want to let January go by without a post did I.

As most of you know, I have been gravely poorly (hours away from death, no joke) and spent a lot of time in hospital I was let out last Monday and was given the OK on Thursday, but Friday and today (Saturday) I have been really poorly and I fear I might have to be readmitted to hospital, we shall see how it goes tomorrow and I will call the doctor on Monday to see what he suggests.
well, I'm not in a mood or feel like doing a massive update, I will do when I feel better, I just didn't want to not have a blog entry for January 2009 even though I said I'd stop doingthe updates, I thought I might as well keep it up at least once a month, especially when I've got things to tell you.

take care

Woggzeh.

And now, the end is near, and so I face the final curtain. My friend, I'll say it clear, I'll state my case, of which Im certain.

2008-12-29T13:55:00.002Z

Hello people of the world.
We are finally here the last ever Woggzeh's World blog, so without further ado, let's crack on.
So we are in that uneasy week between Christmas and New Year, I don't know what it is but it's always a bit of a wasted week, most of the time you don't know what day it is or what to do, some people are back at work but don't know why and can't be bothered, but all of us are starting to wonder what the fuck we have eaten or drunk to make us feel so shitty, I know what I'm talking about too because I have constant tummy ache and I have no appetite but I know I have to eat something or I'll be sick and if I eat something then I'll probably be sick, it's a gasto-something but I think it comes from too many pickled onions and gherkins or chocolate or, I don't know some fucking muck that you've thrown down your neck because 'it was there'.
So did you all have a nice Christmas? I had a good time, Chris Barker was back in town and so I went out with him and the rest of the gang, Bullough was over from Leeds too so that was ace.
We went to the Old Bell Tavern ( a pub which I hate because all the beer they serve is crap) so after a few pints some of us left and went to Spoonies where I saw loads of people I know and gave the usual pleasantries, I also saw Andy Chiu which was great, he's all well and good, then we went to Monteys to meet up with the ponces who stayed in the Old Bell Tavern ("you know this was the first pub to ban smoking, rah rah rah, aren't we amazing, look at me drink my fucking nonce drink out of a vase") Bullough was dragged off home early, but the rest of us stayed to see the midnight hour and sing and dance to Christmas tunes, and Fiona even hugged me and agreed to put things behind us, so that's nice.
Christmas day was mental, my niece was round and she had shitloads of presents, I got socks and pants and a few John Grisham books that I had asked for, but Abigail got everything and more, and she was really cool about it too, she would open a present and then play with it, or if it was a book, she wanted you to read it to her before she opened the next present which I thought was cool, needless to say, she was still opening presents on boxing day!
The next few days have just trundled along, eating and drinking and slightly panicking about what to do for New Years Eve, as nobody has any plans (or money) so I'm pretty sure it'll be a jaunt round Harrogate, same old same old, "happy new year, I'm bored, let's go home." Maybe it'll be a great new year, but somehow I doubt it.
I always get the trots for new year too, I guess it's all the food (again, I've not stopped eating pickled stuff) and usually for Christmas I ask for some immodium because I don't want to get to 11:59:48 seconds on new years eve and turn to Trelly and scream, "ME GUTS!!!!" and then turn white and start sweating and stand bolt upright with my arse cheeks clenched so tight I could crack walnuts between them as the countdown for new year starts "Ten" tears running down my face "Nine" Grimmacing "Eight" holding my stomach "Seven" praying, "Six" Breathing heavy, "Five" panic, "Four" hopping from foot to foot "Three" denial, 'no no no' "Two...One.. Happy New Year" as everyone starts jumping and whooping and hugging, the pains go and I feel relief because I've managed to hold it in, this happens every year, and I still don't know why I go out and play the "will I/wont I, shit meself game" every fucking year, but there we are, I do and I don't. (if you get what I mean)
Well I think that'll do, that brings us up to date, Jof has started msn-ing me, it's been lovely talking to you all over the last two and three quarter years, but it's time to go, move on to pastures new, so all the best for 2009 everybody, I hope it's better than 2008.

Woggzeh

I'm dreaming of a white Christmas, Just like the ones I used to know, Where the treetops glisten, and children listen To hear sleigh bells in the snow

2008-12-21T12:56:00.006Z

There's nothing more Christmassy than a bit of Porn.... (click thumbnail for full size)

Hello people, Merry Christmas and all that jazz, I hope you are all well and good and..and...and, well and, without further ado, lets proceed to the now annual event that is the Woggzeh's World Christmas Awards 2008, roll out the red carpets, put on your glad rags, get a drink and sit yourself down because the first award is:

Best Independant Blog 2008:

This award naturally goes to Joffers blog "Arrow Towers" it no longer gets updated but he won the award back in March when he wrote this " How I know Colin Mills" it was well written, totally brilliant and it was about my favourite subject, so well done Joffrey you are our fisrt award winner.

Best Blog Of The Year 2008:

This award, like last years award goes to the briliantly miserable Charlie Brooker, his blog "Comment is Free" is fantastic as is his other blog, "Screenburn" his hatred towards the world and anyone in it makes compelling reading every Monday and Saturday.

Best Columnist of the Year 2008:

This goes to Piers Morgan, most people ahte the bloke but I fucking love him, he's honest, he's a c**t and you know where you stand with him, shake his hand and he'll shake yours, talk to him kindly and he'll be kind back, slag him off and you'll taste his venom, simple as that. The sad part of this award is that you need to get the Mail on Sunday to read his column/diary in Live magazine, but his sport blog is available online.

(softcore) Pornstar of the year 2008:

Alexandra Simwise should have won this award last year but I didn't have a sofcore/hardcore event, so I just went with the first girl I could remember, anyway, I've felt bad about that decision ever since and so here is her award, (if she wants to come and collect it then that'll be acers) you can also read her blog and look at her pictures if you go to her myspace page.
I'd love her to get Myspace and Facebook mixed up so she sends me an invite to "come on myface"

(Hardcore) Pornstar Of The Year 2008:

I couldn't actually think of anyone deserving, so I'm going to double up this award and make it a Lifetime achievement award aswell, and so it goes to Silvia Saint, (picture is safe for work), although she retired from porn in 2001, she is still fucking ace!

Best Comedy Television Show Of The Year 2008:

Sadly this year the award goes to an American sit-com that I've been watching for a couple of years now and I still find it hilarious, week in week out, it's called "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia" it's about 4 friends, Charlie, Mac, Dennis and Dee, who run a bar and are the most stupid fuckers every to walk the Earth, great writing, well acted and well worth a looksie.

Best Television Drama Of The Year 2008:

Another non-English winner, this award goes to "Underbelly", the Australian gangster show based on true events, it was fan-fucking-tastic and I urge you all to watch it if you get the opportunity, everyone loves a gangster film, so go watch this 13 part series.

Film Of The Year 2008:

Everyone will disagree with this, but it's my award ceremony so I can do it, so I'm going to award this to "In Bruges" a film with Colin Farrel and Brendan Gleeson and it's just brilliant, so go watch it, because if I write about it, then I might spoil it, but Midgets are fucking funny!

Place of the Year 2008:

PRAGUE! Enough said.

Well that brings us to the end of the Woggzeh's World Christmas Awards 2008, I hope you all have a great Christmas and I'll be back next Sunday with the final ever Woggzeh's Blog.

take care, and I'll leave you with another Christmas picture:

Whoa, black betty (bam-A-lam) whoa, black betty (bam-A-lam)

2008-12-16T12:23:00.003Z

Hello, sorry it's late, but I've been so poorly that I actually died, went to heaven, caused too much trouble that I got sent to hell, caused too much trouble there and got sent back to Earth as a miracle survivor of the 'illness'.
So how are you all? if you are well then pat yourself on the back.
If you have done all your Christmas shopping then pat yourself on the back also, I've not done any yet and I'm going up to town later with my twenty pound note and going to try do the lot, I'm also hoping for a Greggs B.L.T because I've not had one in years and they are fucking tasty, in fact I might start with one of them, pointless shopping on an empty stomach, so that leaves me with about £17.50 to buy presents, Woolworth vouchers are out the question this year but I might pop in and see what they have left, hopefully some popuri, or if worst comes to worst I can buy some cheap perfume and some pencil shavings.
I had a crazy dream and I don't know if I heard this story some place or my mind made it up, so maybe you can help, it's about Barry the brown nosed reindeer and basically he runs directly behind Rudolph but he's a bit faster than old red nose so when Rudolph stops suddenly, poor old Barry goes crashing up Rudolphs arese and earning himself a brown nose, does that ring a bell to anyone?
So on Saturday I went across to Morley to Bulloughs Xmas party (if anyone can explain why it cost me £5.20 to get from Harrogate to Morley but £7.50 to get from Morley to Harrogate then I'd apreciate an answer)
it was a good party, Hannah put some food on which was very nice and I like nibbles alot, they are quick easy and you can eat shit loads, I was actually wolfing the sprouts more than anything, (they later came back to haunt me, bad smells) but they were there to be eaten and I hate seeing a good sprout go to waste, People arrived and people left, we played a game called Buzz, which involves being fastest to answer the questions, it was a pretty stupid game because everyone else had obviously played it before and knew the answers, so I came second in both the games I played, but I'm claiming a moral victory because I've never played before so I couldn't cheat.
I kipped on the sofa which was a very comfy nights sleep, and it was amazing at soaking up my urine after an accident (kidding), in the morning I had to get the train home and I had to sit backwards on the fucking train, now I hate going backwards it always makes me feel shitty and this ride was no exception, luckily I got to Harrogate before doing a technicolour yawn all over the carriage, I walked home from town and phoned Jof because I had money on my phone, like in the way if you give an alcoholic money he'll go buy alcohol or give money to a drug addict he'll go buy drugs, put money on my phone and I'll invariably ring Jof, strange.
I arrived home and felt abit shitty, I'd had a cold and a bit of a cough for a couple of days, so I guessed it was all related, I went upstairs and threw my guts up, I got a right nasty headache and had a cold sweat, I went to sleep for a few hours then got up and I wished I hadn't, I had ear ache, headache, cough, cold, I was freezing but roasting, I wasn't a well boy, my headache was a weird one too, I would cough then get this excruciating pain in my head that was very similar to the migraines I used to suffer as a boy, but I would cough and the headache would last about 15 minutes then go and then about an hour later I would cough again and repeat the process, the worst one was just before Top Gear, I actually fell to my knees rolled in a little ball and cried in pain, I also had a nosebleed from it, such was the pressure in my head, which panicked me into thinking I had a tumour, anyway, I don't (at least I hope I don't), I went to bed at 10:30pm and slept until 2pm Monday, which is not like me, I gradually got better during Monday and I feel right as rain now, but it was possibly the worst virus I've ever had, So watch out if you start getting a sore throat, cough, ear ache and a headache, just go to bed, go to sleep and wait for death.

NEXT WEEK ON WOGGZEH'S WORLD.........It's the Woggzeh's World Blog Awards 2008, if you feel you have some candidates you'd like to see get a mention or be in contention of winning, then let me know before next Saturday, when the votes will be counted and verified.

Woggzeh

There's a mountain and it's mighty high, you cannot see the top unless you fly.

2008-12-07T13:31:00.004Z

Hey peeps

Muchos apologies about not blogging last week but I was water ski-ing in Corsica and left my laptop in my hotel room only to find that when I went to write my blog the battery had died and I had left the charger at home, so there we are, it had nothing to do with not being bothered to write a blog update, it's just that I was away.
So last night I saw a fantastic boxing match between Carl Froch and Jean Pascal, our boy (Froch) won and took the WBC super middleweight title, it was one hell of a scrap, both fighters trading blows at a ratio of 1:1, good stuff indeed.
My dog seems to have tooth ache (along with everything else wrong with it, it's basically ready for the knackers yard) and so she kept me awake nearly all night by whining and it's really loud and I felt so bad for the poor thing, still I eventually nodded off sometime around 7am.
Jof was pissed off with my blog post on Friday, so much so in fact that he called it 'the worst blog ever' well I am sorry for that but I was really happy with it and I had loads of fun researching all the big gangster dudes, so six of one half a dozen of the other, I liked it you loathed it, my blog, my rules!!!
Jof however did suggest to me on Friday to do some creative writing this weekend and I took his advice, I was going to continue with my story about Robert McGuinness, but then realised that I already had most of that planned out, but can't seem to make to links between characters and essential stuff that helps the story along, I'm actually stuck in a rut with it and so I'm hiding from it till I feel brave enough to return to it, so I decided to start writing a 'diary of a mob member' kind of like the secret diary of a call girl but with a dude who is pretty high up in the Mafia and writing about his experiences, I'm not sure how it's going to go but it's alot easier that writing a story, I'll let you all know when I start to post it.
I watched the new James Bond film last night and it was a bit meh, the action scenes were sublime but the story was wank and stupid, so I suggest that if you are not a Bond fan then don't bother with the film.
Jofs gig last week went down a storm apparently and I was very impressed that he was reviewed in the NME too, and they said it was 'a very good set by an unkown band in these parts' So well done Joffrey good luck with your next gig supporting the Rolling Stones.
I'm sure I had some more things to mention, but I can't for the life of me think what it is.
So that'll have to do you.

Take care.

Woggzeh

Underbelly

2008-12-05T13:57:00.002Z

Something a bit different, I've just finished watching the excellent Australian gangster show Underbelly and decided to look up the real people the show was about and here are my results, this is more for my own entertainment than yours (Trelly will be interested too)
I've done the real life person and the actor and where possible a link to the persons wikipedia page (click the persons name)

Steven Owen played by Rodger Corser

Alphonse Gangitano played by Vince Colosimo

Carl Williams played by Gyton Grantley

Roberta Williams played by Kat Stewart

Jason Moran played by Les Hill

Mark Moran played by Callan Mulvey

Lewis Moran played by Kevin Harrington

Andrew 'Benji' Veniamin played by Damian Walshe-Howling

Lewis Caine played by Marcus Graham

Mario Condello played by Martin Sacks

Dino Dibra played by Daniel Amalm

Graham 'The Munster' Kinniburgh played by Gerard Kennedy

And here is a picture of Carl Williams at the funeral of Andrew 'Benji' Veniamin.

you can do all the things that you like to do, all around underground pick a part that's new.

2008-11-23T16:00:00.004Z

Hello everybody.

Sunday again and here I am with a blank screen and an even blanker mind. So I'm just going to stare at my keyboard and type whatever comes into my head, I'm not even going to look at spelling mistakes, a kind of blog experiment, just write, yeah, write and write and write, because I can't think of anything to write, a writing experiment about writey writing, this could take some time and get rather repetitive so I'm going to stop that idea and have a little cry.
Charlie Brooker's Screenwipe is back on our screens on some weeknight or other and it's still very funny, the bloke is a genius and I'm glad I found him and then let Bullough know how funny he is because Bullough likes him too.
I ate a Double Decker chocolate bar the other day and I think it's loosened one of my fillings because my tooth is a bit sensitive, I should really get it checked out by a dentist, but I don't currently have one, hence why I had a filling fall out in Febuary and still have a tooth in my mouth with a bloody great hole in it.
Ricky Hatton winned his fight last night against doo dah bloke who I've never heard of and will probably never hear of again, but at least I've heard of Oscar de la Hoye who is rumoured to be Hatton's next opponant, that should be a good fight but I think it's time we said to the Americans, we've got all the best fighters now, so you come to England to have a fight, that way we'll be able to watch the fight at a reasonable time and the fat fucking Americans will have to get off their fat arses if they want to watch their man fight.
The weather has been fucking brilliant over the last few days, we've had promises of severe snow and we've had absolutely none, I tell a lie, we had a dusting of snow on the ground frost thing this morning, I fucking hate the weather presenters, They always get it wrong and they are all cunts, except Keeley Donovan (click her name for her picture)because I am in love with her, oh and Lisa Gallagher is pretty tasty too.
Forcast for this week, well, I'm hoping to win the lottery and I might even purchase a ticket to help my chances, there is a 24 mvie on Monday night, a 2 hour spectacular, That's sure to be good.
I think it's next week that Joffers is playing a gig and being supported by the Bluetones, so if you haven't got a ticket yet and need one, fucking sort yourself out! Click here!

Well I think that'll do for now. Love to all, catch you later

Woggzeh.

And I found that round here In this city That I won't disappear In this city I got nothing to fear In this city, In this city

2008-11-16T14:30:00.002Z

I tell you, I really need to start writing this thing on a Friday or something because I seem to go blank on Sundays, and all the ideas I had to write about are suddenly no more and weill come back to me once I've posted this or will return during the week only to disappear again next Sunday.
So I want you to watch this, I was meant to post it last week, but I couldn't be arsed to update, just watch it for the Jurrasic Park scene and you'll laugh your bollocks off.

I'm sorry but I've really got nothing exciting to report, I've really got into the Australian show 'Underbelly' which is a true story about the Australian Mafia, it's really well made and a good show although, I still can't get over how un-threatening Australians sound when saying things like, "you know who you're talking to mate?" "I'm gonna kill you" it just doesn't sound right, but still, a very good show.
I watched the David Haye fight last night and it was fantastic, a proper good fight and he's so fast its like watching a middleweight fight, and this guys a heavy! I'm looking forward to him meeting up with one of the Klitschko brothers next year. Last week we had Calzaghe, Last night we had Haye and next week it's Ricky Hatton vs Paulie Malignaggi (I've never heard of him either), so it's a good month for Boxing fans.
That's about it, Everything that's on TV and in the press is now illegal and gets 4 million complaints and means that the only thing allowed on tele which isn't going to cause offence is the test card.
Just found out that Pavla is now a mum and has had a little girl, I didn't even know she was pregnant.

So, so what I'm still a rock star, I got my rock moves and I don't need you. And guess what, I'm havin more fun and now that were done....

2008-11-02T13:44:00.004Z

So here we are again, Sundeh!

I'm loving Pinks new song 'So What' I loved it so much that I rushed out and got the album, which is pants! I really hate that with music, the false pretense that one song gives you, I should always stick to the three single rule, which for those who don't know it, if you like three singles from one album then you could spend £12 buying those singles, but the album only costs about 99p more and you have a shitload more songs, so it makes finacial sense, more music for less, unless you are a fan of Oasis, they fucked up the system by making fantastic B-sides to their singles, so you had to buy the single and the album.
The other useless thing about music is that if you are an up and coming band, then you have to pray to God that Bullough doesn't find you and tell everyone that you are great, he's like the fucking kiss of death for bands, I say this slightly tongue in cheek, but I was reading an old NME t'other day and I was looking at the bands and I thought, 'where are they now, Bullough raved about them' Bands like Nine Black Alps, Goldfrapp, Magic Numbers, Royksopp, Hard Fi, I will in fairness, tip credit to him, for a band, that I'm not a fan of, but they are still there in the music scene and they were only a fledgling band when the article was written (2005) but I'm pretty sure I've heard something from them recently, they are called Forward Russia, Then again, I'm being too kind on mister Bullough, if you shout out every band that's ever performed, you are bound to hit the nail on the head with one, pretty much Trellies tactic when watching a 'whodunnit' film, he will accuse everyone on screen, and then at the end, jump for joy and say, 'told you it was him'.
So Joffers has managed to pull off an awesome gig supporting the Bluetones on the 30th November in London, It's going to be really cool, and it'll be a huge event for Jof and I wish him the best of luck. If you need tickets, send me £50 and I'll hook you up.
I often wonder where I'd be musically if Jof didn't move away, I'm not talking about still strumming around with Shooter or anything like that I mean, what kind of directions would my songs have taken, would I have got better? (couldn't have got much worse) or would I have given up and sulked that Jof had written a better song than me? Not that he ever did write better songs, but he would always write something cool that would set a marker and I would have to beat it, then he would beat my marker, and so on..... I'm willing to bet that if we had carried on the competition and working off each other then the greatest song in the world would have been written, but alas, it hasn't been written and so End of a Rainbow sits in a very respectable temporary first.
Went to the Stray bonfire last night to see the fireworks and they were bloody good, once again music was played to the fireworks and the choreography was slightly out, but you can't help these things, the fire was lit and everyone had a butchers at it, then as does everyone every year, we (me and Trelly) buggered off, it was agreed that Harrogate council, should make it more of an event, like getting a fair to come to town so that people have something to do after the fireworks and so that everyone can make a night of it.
Also some stupid thick bitch took her dog to the firework show, naturally the dog was petrified and barked throughout the event, it was annoying, but I can't blame the dog, if I had a gun I would have shot the owner for being so fucking dumb!
I also have news that Pieman has got the gaffers job at the Stonebeck, so I wish him all the best with that, although at £2.90 a pint, I'll not be frequenting the establishment, not when the Gardeners Arms is a mere £1.65.
Well, I think that'll do for this week.

Woggzeh.

PS - Trelly is still having problems with the animal kingdom, especially identifying animals, last night we were watching a film and there was a talking badger on screen which Trelly instantly reffered to as 'the talking snake' close my friend, but no cigar!

I can't wait for my next drink The first one is gonna sink I'm the last of the big time drinkers

2008-10-27T13:14:00.004Z

Now then, a day late, but better late than never.

So yesterday I went to the Tan Hill Inn in Swaledale, it's accredited as the highest Inn in England and it is!
We set off and had the sat nav rocking with our directions, eventually it told us we were at our destination, when in fact, we were in the middle of a farm track, so Paul asked the farmer where the pub was and he informed us that we were a good 25 minutes away, so we set off again and eventually made it to the pub, we got out the car and was immediately blown by the wind 30 foot to the left, we eventually found our footing and tied our shoelaces to each other, figuring that there would be safety in numbers, we made it to the front door and entered the premises, the first thing I noticed was how warm it was inside, not too hot not too cold, just perfectly snug, I could imagine having 5 or 6 pints and sitting by the log fire and falling asleep, very nice indeed, Everest Windows have certainly done a good job.
£2.80 for a pint of lager is expensive but worth it, word of warning though, there is a sign that says, "Don't expect a lot of change, your money WILL go to charity" I paid with the exact money so I wasn't robbed, but Trelly had a pound taken off him for the charity box, there is also another sign warning you about mobile phones, it's 50p per minute to use or it goes in the pickle jar and there are a few jars on the bar full of mobile phones and pickling vinegar, crazy!
We drained our drink and then went for a walk about round the pub and surrounding area, the wind had got worse and luckily we were carrying boat anchors to save us from blowing away, the wind was really powerful, at one point Trelly took off like a kite!!
Trelly took some pictures as we froze our knackers off, it was so cold up there that I saw a brass monkey crying his eyes out and the flame on my lighter froze!
We eventually got back in the car and set off, the pub is the only thing for miles around, which makes the neighbour hood watch sign very amusing, although it would be slightly ironic if the landscape got stolen over night!
All in all, a very nice pub and I'd advise you to go and try it, have a day out, go rambling, stop for a pint and some food, just make sure you have plenty of change otherwise they'll nick all your shiny pennies.

Wogzzeh

Faces in a dream we are, driving round in a stolen car.

2008-10-23T02:31:00.003+01:00

I forgot to mention to people that I've upped a new story I was working on (woggzeh's short stories), it's only chapter one and I kind of bored of writing it due to my shoulder problem taking up most of my time, I love stories of serial killers and crazy shit, stuff that you read and dismiss but sticks in your head anyway and haunts you a bit, fucking crazy, I want to write that kind of story, but it's not easy, most of the stuff comes to me in my dreams, I just need the right dreams.
Lotto, is a story of hope, I had mixed emotions about it, I wanted to get out of writing the stories with a twist that everyone saw coming, but I still wanted to end it badly, I had ideas about an adventure story, 'what you can do with the money/playboy lifestyle' loads of fucking fun shit, I also wanted it to end sadisticly like the 'corruption of money' angle, but as you can see, I only did one chapter, I was never happy with it, it's not my niche. I think murder is all I can write.
The problem with murder stories is that there is nothing new you can do (mask of sanity is an ongoing project that WILL be fantastic), OK you can find a new angle, but it's pretty much already there on the shelves.
I was reading (for the millionth time) the story of Ed Geins, now there was one fucked up dude, and also my case in point, you couldn't invent this guy in your wildest dreams, if he didn't exist, then he wouldn't exist, you understand? I've had ideas following his story that I could incorporate to my kind of writing and scare the fuck out of me (would it scare you? I doubt it), but at the end of the day, I'm fiction, this guy was real and that's the scary fucking thing, the reality is far more scary than any writer (look at me calling myself a writer) can possibly imagine, and even if I could imagine it, it would never seem scary enough.
I want to be scary, I want to be sickening, but I don't want you to think this is a reflection on me.
I'm not that fucked up, (close to it, but not there yet), basically, I'm stuck, I've got ideas, but they barely make a page when I write them up as a story, throw me ideas, comment on what I've done, I'm not going to take offence, am I better when I write, I don't know, 3rd person? the narrative, "he did this, she did that?" or 1st person? I don't know, I don't even know what 'person' I write in 1st, 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 100th???, I find it easier to just narrate a story and that's how I like it, but is it what you the reader prefer and is it what works best on paper?

you know what I mean?

I said I'm tired Come get me off the merry-go-round I'm wired Come feed me and then bring-a-me down.

2008-10-19T16:11:00.004+01:00

Sunday again and after a whole week of days following night, we are here again at Sunday.

So I've (typically) got nothing to tell you other than about a really exciting week in my football game.
I won the league by 5 clear points and Robin came second which meant automatic promotion for us, Trelly and Jof finished in play off places and managed to win their semi final matches and set up an awesome match against each other in the final, promotion for the winner, another season in the doldrums for the loser. Trelly was tense and I'm sure Jof was as nervous, the game finished 1-1 and went to penalies which Trellies team won 3-1, so he was a happy chappy, I've not spoken to Jof, becuase he's been in Manchester, but I bet he's gutted.
I've had right bad guts for the past few days and this morning I had to get up at 6am because I was in pain, I was sick and had the poops, which is really annoying when it's coming out at the same time, anyway, I've managed to get some dry toast down me and I've had an immodium and now I feel right as rain, although I'm not brave enough to fart yet.
I thought I was going mad earlier this week, I left my gaff to go to Trels and walked to the shop, got to the shop, went into the shop and stood in front of the beer counter and then realised that I had gone to the wrong shop! I was in Jacksons on Kings Road and I should have been in McColls on King Edwards Dr, and I have no recollection of actually getting there, it's scary and reminded me of a few months back when I went to the shop and stopped in my tracks because I didn't have a clue why I was outside or where I was going, I honestly think I'm going mad, which could be fun, but I doubt it.
Loads of cool television for the autumn season, Spooks is back, Top Gear is on it's way too and a new show by Charlie Brooker called Dead Set, it's all about Zombies and it's supposed to be fucking ace, that starts on Monday 27th October and runs all week, there is also a new Danny Dyer show where he goes round looking for hard men in his usual cockney charm.
I've not heard from Lee for a few days, but if he was playing Mario Kart (Wii) last night then he could have joined in a played us lot, it probably would have helped if someone had told him we were playing but it's his loss, we played Wii sports instead, which is a lot of fun.
Also I'm still loving the new Oasis album, my favourite song at the moment is 'Waiting For The Rapture' very Beatle-esque and it has a great Bass intro.
Well I've somehow managed to stumble to the end of this blog update, I hope you are all O.K.

Toodle Ooh

Woggzeh

Someone tell me I'm dreaming, The freaks are rising up through the floor, Everything I believe in, Is telling me that I want more, more, more

2008-10-12T15:56:00.002+01:00

Word up Peeps,

Look look, I'm blogging on a Sunday!!!!!!!!!
Well, I didn't really want to but I made a promise to Joffrey that I would and I'm a man of my word if nothing else.
So, nothing.
Abigail came over to play yesterday and she was lovely, she's always a little shy at first but somehow she always comes to me and comes out of her shell, I'm guessing that it has something to do with me being childish, or maybe she can see that I need help, but never the less, she is a lot of fun, she's using words now too which is sweet as she hasn't mastered English yet, but she is certainly better at it than some of my mates.
I had a freaky experience the other day, I was on facebook and looking through a group and I saw a picture of a random girl who I thought looked cute, so naturally, I click her profile to see if I can find out more about this chick, her profile was sadly locked but I noticed that she had two mutual friends, so I look at them and the friends are Lee and Lindsay! as it turns out, this random bird used to work with Lee in a pub in Brisbane, what a small fucking world!!!!!! it's also given me another reason to visit Australia too :-).
On the subject of Lindsay, it was her birthday t'other day, so 'grats for that, I'm sure she had a good drink, for those who don't know her, she can drink like a fish and she's freakishly tall, in fact I wouldn't be suprised if (coming from a sunny climate) her family tree is a sun flower (because they are freakishly tall too).
I'm loving the new Oasis album, it's a lot better than some of the shit they've released recently and I can only put their return to form down to the inspiration Noel felt when we had a meeting in Edinburgh (still the most amazing moment of my/his life).
Soccer manager is taking a lot of my time, as my Villa team have one game left and I need to win the last game to guarantee winning the League, or I can draw and hope that Robins team (who are in second) don't win by more than 5 goals and lah dee dah and Jofs team could be playing trellies team in the play offs and that's that, in my other setups, I have Spurs in a relegation battle, 4 points from safety with 5 games left, in fairness, I took over them 5 games ago when they were deep in trouble and almost certain relegation and I haven't done too bad, so I'm optimistic that I can get them out of trouble, and Boca Juniors, are under performing, so it's all go, not to mention my 'other accout' of Juventus, Hamburg and River Plate, it's a lot of fun.
Well, I'm going to go now as the snooker is on the telebox and my arm is hurting from this typing, I pray it gets better soon.

Laters

Woggzeh

A-well-a everybody's heard about the bird, B-b-b-bird, bird, bird, b-bird's the word

2008-10-08T12:41:00.003+01:00

Now then,
After much promptimng from Jof, I've been persuaded to update, I don't know why I agreed as I haven't got much to say and it'll be a crap update. I'm also going to try and get back into the routine of blogging every Sunday, as that was easy to remember to do and it made a good read for you lot at the start of the week; Sadly, the Sunday blog will probably be a highlight of how my teams did in Soccer Manager!
So anyway, Trelly and myself have decided to go to Prague for New Year next year (09/10) so If anyone else is up for that then let me know, obviously I've not got any details yet, but it'll be cheap flights and I'm happy to use the Prague Experience team again for the airport transfers and some different digs as I couldn't fault their service.
I'm off to ASDA later (just had a conversation with Jof about how cool the word asda is to write on a keyboard as all the letters are next to each other) I woke up with a craving for Spaghetti Bolognaise, which I've not had in months, which is unusual for me as I love that meal, so I'm having that for my tea, yum.
My arm is still fucked and I'm going to have to go for the big injection into the muscle and physiotherapy after that, because as it's not 'AS' bad (painwise) it's still causing a lot of problems and I need the pain killers to get by, which isn't ideal as I don't want to get addicted to them.
If anyone hasn't seen the new episode of Family Guy then I warn you now, DON'T!!! while it is hilarious, Peter plays a record called 'Surfin Bird' almost continuously throughout the show and it's one of those annoying songs that stick in your head for decades, it's really doing my nut in and I'm contemplating suicide to stop the music playing in my head!!
Well, that'll do for now, I've kept my word and updated, I also kept my word that I had nothing to say and it'll be a crap update.

Woggzeh

Forever young, I want to be forever young

2008-10-01T07:13:00.002+01:00

Does that song get stuck in your head too? it's an advert about New Zealand and it looks right nice actually, I might go visit (only joking Lee).
So here I sit, still in pain, but alas it's not as bad as it was a month ago, although a month ago I didn't have any pain in my bicep or elbow, but I'm guessing that pain is because I 'm using muscle and bits of arm I don't usually use to compensate for my shoulder, blah blah blah.
So I'm officially unemployed, details of which you can guess, and that's it as far as I'm concerned, besides, with the country on it's knees at the moment, I'm better off not working and signing on, at least I've not had to pay for my prescription, which, with all the pillls I've been taking recently, is a blessing (current total of pescriptions is about £35 and soon to rise when I get more pain killers).
I managed to write chapter one of my new book, and I will write more when I can type for a long period of time, it's frustrating because I wan't to complete it ASAP.
It was Trelly's birthday on Monday, he's officially old (30) , well done to him.
I honestly haven't got anything to tell you, that's why I've not updated, I've found a sure fire way of picking horses and getting the winner everytime (well, I've been trying my system for three days and not lost) but I've not had the courage to place momey on the horse yet, because we all know that as soon as I do that then the fucking thing will lose, so I'll just keep playing my system for my own enjoyment.
Soccer Manager is still shamefully addictive and I've managed to rope Jof into it now aswell, he beat me in our first friendly, that's the last time I give him a chance! Seriously, if you like football (so just about every bloke in the world except Bullough) then have a bash, it's free and fun.
Anyway, I'm done, sorry it's a short shit update, but it'll have to do.

Woggzeh

Lying in the long long grass, Blossom on the trees, Springtime's slipping away my love, Yeah springtime's slipping away.

2008-09-18T10:51:00.002+01:00

Hello,
Been a while I know but for good reason, I've torn my shoulder muscle (trapezius, it's more than just a little tear, you can see where a bit of the muscle has snapped and sprung back/recoiled to it's starting point) and it hurts like fuck when I type/sit at a keyboard/breath/live/do anything.
So I'll keep this short and sweet, as I've not got much to tell you anyway.
I've been playing soccermanager way too much, and I'm addicted, I've just left Reading and taken over as manager of Spurs because they have a better squad, my first game in charge was last night and I lost 2-1, (Reading won 7-1) so there is still a bit of work to do, (if you join up, then I 'm in the setups : World Championship 157, World Championship 1322 and English Championship 337, if you join them, then you can play my teams, or cheat and give me your money)
I reformatted my PC last week (well Trelly did it - with a Genuine Windows XP too!) because it was running so slow and being a bitch, so we gave it the old back up everything important (porn) and delete the rest and start again, we added some memory too and now I'm happy to say, my computer is fine apart from my sound card which isn't working, don't know what to do there, the drivers haven't fixed it, I think Trelly might have licked it while I wasn't looking, but I can't prove it, anyway I can get hold of a few sound cards for zero pennies, so I'll just change it and cross me fingers that it works, also my spell checker isn't working any ideas peeps? it usually has a red line under mis-spelt words.
I've had a cracking idea for a new story, and as soon as I can type for more than a minute without pain, I'll be writing it up, I think you'll like it, it's not about death and misery, quite the opposite in fact, anyway, I'll keep you posted as to when it get's written.
It's Lee's 30th Birthday on Sunday so many happy returns mate, I'm not going to make it now, but it isn't for the lack of trying. Hope you have a great day.
I'm in a bit of pain now, and the pills I'm on are making me really dizzy and confused (and constipated) so I'm going to leave you now with a funny story by Woody Allen, I don't usually like the guy buy this is fucking hilarious, it's funnier when you hear him tell it but read the script and you might laugh.

"I shot a moose, once. I was hunting up-state New York, and I shot a moose, and I strap him on to the fender of my car, and I'm driving home along the west side highway, but what I didn't realize was, that the bullet did not penetrate the moose. It just creased the scalp, knocking him unconscious. And I'm driving through the Holland tunnel - the moose woke up. So I'm driving with a live moose on my fender. The moose is signaling for a turn, y'know. There's a law in New York state against driving with a conscious moose on your fender, tuesday, thursday and saturday. And I'm very panicky, and then it hits me: some friends of mine is having a costume party. I'll go, I'll take the moose, I'll ditch him at the party. It wouldn't be my responsibillity.

So I drive up to the party and I knock on the door. The moose is next to me. My host comes to the door. I say "Hello. You know the Solomons". We enter. The moose mingles. Did very well. Scored. Two guys were trying to sell him insurance for an hour and a half. Twelve o'clock comes - they give out prices for the best costume of the night. First price goes to the Burcowiches, a maried couple dressed as a moose. The moose comes in second. The moose is furious. He and the Burcowiches lock antlers in the living room. They knock each other unconscious. Now, I figured, is my chance. I grab the moose, strap him onto my fender, and shoot back to the roads, but - I got the Burcowiches. So I'm driving along with two jewish people on my fender, and there's a law in New York State ... tuesdays, thursdays and especially saturday.

The following morning the Burcowiches wake up in the woods, in a moose suit. Mr. Burcowich is shot, stuffed and mounted - at the New York Athletic Club, and the joke is on them, because it's restricted."

If you want to go out, if you want to go out, Read it in the papers, tell me what it's all about, yeah.

2008-08-29T11:31:00.002+01:00

So, I think I've broken my neck, I'm not a doctor but you hear of these things all the time (well twice), where some dude has a broken neck or arm or is dead and doesn't get diagnosed for like twenty years, well I think I'm that guy.
It's been hurting for weeks now and it's terrible at night, mainly because I sleep funny (see, I'm even funny when asleep) I sleep all askew, sometimes I think I sleep doing a headstand, but there is no proof to support my suggestion, so until there is proof then it's another fable, like the Yeti and Aliens and Graham Norton actually being funny; So that's that, I thought I would share that with you, as I know how much you care, not one fucking 'update' message for ages now, you guys really know how to piss me off.
So why haven't I blogged in a few weeks? well the truth is that I've had nothing to tell you, and I've been lazy and skint! fuck me have I been skint, I hate it when you put your hand in your pocket and can only feel your leg, I like to have a bit of folded or some coinage to reassure me that I have enough for a drink, and that's the reason I haven't blogged, because I've been too sober. Sobriety is a state that most people live in and do quite well, but it's a world where I don't work too well, I find it dark, damp and depressing, but like following someone into the toilet and ingesting the foul smell, I've had to suffer it recently, and as you will be aware, it's like a domino effect when you are skint for a while, bills pile up I.O.U's add up, so I don't know when I'll be back on my feet, but fuck it, I'm not going to wallow in self pity, it's not my thing, I'm far more likely to rob a bank, but I can't even afford a gun!
I ask you now, when was the last time you heard, 'Going Out' by Supergrass? I heard it on the radio the other day and was totally taken aback, how cool were their first two albums? they were ace, that's what they were! Sad thing is though is that I only have them on cassette (a what? I hear you cry) but yeah, I forgot about them and they are still going too, but ignore the new stuff (album three onwards) because it's a bit wanky.
I was going to write some more material for Collywogs bloggy blog but then I couldn't be bothered, I had some good ideas but that's as far as I got with it, seems to be a pattern in my life, idea>motivation>start>get bored>give up.
Lee has been updating his blog a lot more recently which is cool as he always writes good stuff unlike me, him and Lindsay have split up which is sad, always a hard time for any one, I don't know the details and it would be wrong of me to presume, so I won't. I hope they are both fine as I love both of them very much and hope to hear from them both soon.
Well, I think that should do for this update, I hope I have satisfied your need to read, I hope you are all fine and dandy, leave me a comment, I like reassurance that people actually read this rubbish.

Woggzeh.

Coniston 8th - 10th August

2008-08-11T12:29:00.005+01:00

Friday:

I was never under any illusions that Paul's car was great and when he turned up at my house at a few minutes past nine, my heart sunk a little, it didn't matter how far it sunk in fairness, it would never sink as low as the cars suspension.
We managed to squeeze my stuff and myself into the car and somehow managed to get the car moving, slowly and surly we made it to the petrol station, where I picked up a newspaper. We set off in high spirits which were soon quashed when we got to the travellers rest and saw signs informing us that blubberhouses was closed and we would have to follow the diversions via Ilkley and Otley, which was pretty hairy as the roads are uphill and downhill and wind around blind corners, I was genuinely worried for the car, especially when it made a strange scraping noise whenever we went over a bump, we had to lean forwards going up the hills and pray the brakes still worked (which had begun to emit a bad smell) going down the hills.
The diversion added an hour to our journey and we arrived at Coniston around midday, we paid for our camping (£6 each a night) and set off to find Robin who had arrived about 20 minutes earlier, we couldn't find them so we decided, in all our wisdom, that we must have got there first so we looked for, and found, a great spot, but as I got out of the car I looked up and saw in the distance the unmistakeable looming figure that is Bradbury, he is 6 foot 12 and a half and it's difficult not to spot him, so we drove over to them said our hellos and set up camp, sadly this year, because they all had a head start on me, I wasn't first in getting my tent up, but I was quick and was soon sat in the baking hot sun with a beer.
After an hour or so, nature took it's course and I had to pop to the loo, which is quite a long way to walk, anyway, Trel and Paul decided to come too and the way the camp site is situated, the toilets are at the highest point and overlook the whole site, so when I got up there I look round and see Steve's car arrive, so I shout to him where we were pitched, (Steve! go left......no, your other left) us lot sorted ourselves out and returned to the others where Steve was pitching his pissy little tent(it's a single skin tent that cost him £5 from Tesco a couple of years ago) after about 30 seconds he was all ready and was sat having a beer and the general catching up talk that always goes on.
Beer was consumed and food was cooked and eaten, then Steve got his inflatable boats out of his car, we spent an hour pumping them both up with Bradders' squeaky foot pump (imagine the noise you'd get from an asthmatic hamster with a 40 a day smoking habit) then we all went down to the lake, I played on the rope swing till my knackers were hurting (45 seconds later) then watched and drank beer as Trel and Steve played in the boats and went to the buoy and back, Paul and Bradders went swimming, I had a paddle with Matt and Robin stayed on the beach, Matt decided to start a fire and having never been an arsonist as a child, fucked it up royally! he put green stuff on the pile and tried to light wet, fresh stuff, I had to help him out with some good advice and it started up but didn't last long as there wasn't much to burn, then Steve came to help and he is an expert at arson and got the thing rocking in seconds, after an hour or so down the beach we returned to our tents for more beer and food, I made beans and sausages and a pot noodle.
At about 7pm (after an hour of Robin whining that he wanted to go to the pub because Bradders had drunk all his beer) we set off to the Ship Inn, on the way, Robin informed us of a fact that if you pick a sheep up by it back legs and shake it about, it will die because it's innards aren't attached to anything (or something like that) naturally we all took the piss out of him for believing something that a five year old wouldn't even believe, he felt pretty stupid and spent the rest of the night googling it to find some proof over his statement (he didn't find anything, obviously) The Ship Inn charged us £3.00 for a Carling and £2.50 for an X.B (bitter) so I went on to the bitter, it's a nice pint until you get down to the final few mouthfuls and then it tastes like dishwater. We later set off into town, I needed a poo so I planned to stop at the public toilets next to the petrol station and drop the beast, but when I got in there, I went into the cubicle and looked down, there was this great big Henry the third (turd) staring right back at me, winking, I couldn't bring myself to bare my arse to this beast so I ran out (screaming) we went to the Crown and got a pint and went to their toilets for my first poo in Coniston (the bogs there are right nice) we all sat outside as it was a glorious evening and drained our pints before making a move to the Yewdale, we got our regular seat in the corner of the room and chatted and laughed, then on a table opposite me, this young lass and a load of old people sat down, they all had banjo cases and then, the little girl started playing hers, some George Formby tunes, we ignored her, then a few minutes later the whole fucking group started playing all their banjos and, I'll be fair, they were quite good and so we made the mistake of giving them a round of applause after their first song, which only seemed to encourage them, even Steve's relentless booing didn't deter them, the young girl (Francesca, a seven year old who had been on Britain's Got Talent) eventually played Duelling Banjos, and fuck me, she did a fantastic job of it, I had to clap at that effort, little shitbag!
Steve and Robin could take no more of the infernal noise that was being emitted from their table so we went to the Black Bull where I told my usual joke (black bull walks into a bar....) The beer was well expensive in here, Trelly paid £3.40 for a Carling and was so disgusted by the price he stole a jar of mustard to make up for it! We sat inside and Robin and Paul (clearly inebriated) decided to chat to each other which soon spiralled into a 'who can talk the loudest' competition, before there was a clear winner, me and Trelly went to sit outside, slightly embarrassed by the looks our group was getting because of the competition that was going on.
Eventually everyone else came outside and joined us, Matt started stroking a dog and it seemed to really enjoy whatever Matt was doing to it with his magic hands, then Matt stopped stroking it and it threw up, three times!
They called time and we mooched back towards the camp site, Trelly decided half way to go the short way over the fields, no one knew this way properly and it was dark and the grass was damp, but like true idiots, we all went that way, Steve decided he wanted to test Robins theory about killing a sheep and set off chasing them, quite why he ended up with his trousers around his ankles I don't know, and I would certainly hope he did it for comedy value only!
We got back and went down to the beach and found a group of dullards who were playing, 'I have never' we chatted to them for a bit, then Steve caught up with us, and within 30 seconds, he had taken his shirt off and convinced the group he had escaped from prison, the people were a bunch of teachers who were pretty boring so we buggered off and back to our tents and went to bed.

Saturday:

The pitter patter of rain woke me up, and I didn't want to get out of my bed, I had got a new camp bed for Christmas (£19.99 in the Argos catalogue) and it's the comfiest bed I've ever slept on, honestly it was!
I got up and stood in the rain before going back in my tent and reading my paper inside out three times, I shut my eyes for ten minutes, then me and Trelly went outside and found Steve in his car, his tent had flooded in the night and was useless, he had his heater on and was trying to dry his stuff, sitting in a tent on your own when it's raining isn't the best fun you can have, and everyone was bored so it was decided that we would drive into town and go to a cafe or pub, we went to Harry's cafe and had a cappuccino, after that we went to the Crown where I had my second poo of the camping weekend, we had a pint and were joined by Rob, Matt and Bradders, Rob and Matt ordered food and we had another pint, the rain subsided eventually and we went back to the camp site and sat outside drinking more beer, we all had some food and we just chilled for a few hours, Steve continued to dry his stuff out, I made the mistake of getting into his car at the time he had his wet socks draped over the heater vents, his car stank of wet socks, and I had to open the window, I nearly spewed.
Eventually Trelly and Paul joined us in the car and we drank beer and Steve rolled a funny cigarette that we all smoked, while Paul had the cigarette and had his arm out of the window a police car went by us, Paul panicked and gave the cigarette to Steve! (nice move), on the way back from it's journey round the site, the police car stopped right nest to us and a female officer got out to tell Steve off for having his engine running while consuming alcohol, she was taking deep nostrils full of air to see if she could smell anything illegal, but she couldn't smell anything, so she gave Steve a dressing down and went on her way, fair play, she could have nicked him, but let him off as he was polite and played it like you always should, (yes sir, no sir, three bags full sir).
We decided to go to the pub while it was still dry and we almost made it, we were about 200 metres from the Ship when the heavens opened, and rained so hard you couldn't see more than a few feet ahead of you, we got to the pub looking like drowned rats, luckily we found a table and sat down with our drinks and dried off, the rain stopped and so we risked our luck and went into town, Steve thought for some reason that we were going to the Yewdale so he went there and ordered a pint, we were all stood outside the Crown looking for him, so Trelly went and found him, he brought his pint with him and we all sat in the Crown all night, Robin put the jukebox on, but it was far too quiet to enjoy the music (not that I would have enjoyed his music choices anyway), It rained and lightened all the way back to the camp site, once again, Steve brought his pint with him, we got piss wet through and just had to accept it, we couldn't get any wetter, it was suggested that we should jump into the lake just to dry off a bit, but we didn't, we sat in Steve's car and drank more beer, eventually going to bed at about 1am, the rain and wind hammering against my tent, never mind, I had the worlds comfiest bed to protect me.

Sunday:

Got up at 9am (ish) and the rain and wind were being relentless, Matt ruined it by screaming to the Gods, "Is this all you've got?" clearly he upset the rain Gods and they made the weather worse, When Matt came around from his beating he put his tent away (we didn't beat him up, I just thought it sounded funnier that way), I struggled to put my tent away, it's a new tent and it's pretty big and the wind kept grabbing it, I broke down and launched into a torrent of swear words and abuse, it was ridiculous, eventually Paul gave me a hand and I got it packed up, (full of mud and rain) Paul and Trelly decided that they didn't want their tents any more and with the weather being so shit, they couldn't be bothered to take them down anyway, so they left them, as did Steve, who slept in his car last night.
We packed up Paul's car and it was lucky him and Trelly didn't have their tents as there was no space, it had fit perfectly on the way to Coniston, but now, as we rushed to pack up in the rain, it was even more full, anyway, we eventually got packed up and said our goodbyes to Steve (who sat in his car as we left for no reason at all, I bet you next year his tent looks suspiciously like Paul's old one).
We went to Ambleside and had breakfast at Daisy's I had the 8 item brekkers and it set me up for the day, then it was time for the return home, Paul's car did us proud and we made it home, I think we even got up to 45 MPH at one point, it's always a boring journey coming home, mainly because you are tired and just want to get back, into a nice hot bath and dry clothes which I did as soon as I got in, well, I had a a poo as soon as I got in and blocked the toilet! I didn't do one single poo on the camp site, I don't know why, I didn't plan it that way, it just happened.
Well, that's pretty much what happened this weekend, naturally I am sure I've missed loads of things, and that's what the comment box is for people, if you went with me and there's something you want logging, then don't say to me, "you should have wrote about this or that" write it yourself in the comment box.
I hope you've enjoyed the update, I'm actually glad there are no more trips planned now as these long blogs are becoming the bain of my life.
take care people

Woggzeh

P.S - Happy Birthday Kristy for Sunday.

Oh you make me feel alright, It's like the tippermost, toppermost high, Oh it's you - you do.

2008-08-04T17:17:00.003+01:00

Who else forgot how good the Lightning Seeds were?

Well what reportage do I have for you this week from the world of the Wogg?
same old shit, same old gripes a week older and a week poorer.
I'll talk about Friday night because I went out and had a great time. First of all I went to the Alexandra (even though everyone knows it as Rat and Parrot) where I had a drink, Bullough was late because he fucked up catching a train, how you can fuck that up I don't know I guess he got distracted by a butterfly or something, so I had to sit on my own for half an hour drinking me pint, it's not too bad being on your own, I actually don't mind my own company so everything was good, he turned up eventually.
We chatted about this and that then I got a phone call from Jof, who was meant to meet us there, he had gone to the Coach and Horses, thinking it was the Rat and Parrot, silly sod, but he can be forgiven because he doesn't live here any more.
He eventually rocked up with his missus (Jenny), Rich Fee (who reads this blog) and woman (who's name I know, but suddenly I don't know it), the rest of the lads turned up and we had a good few drinks and set off down to Crabtrees where Jof has many fond memories, after that and picking up Fiona we went to Montey's for a Grolsch, and then we had to run to get to Har-Low-Gata, which used to be Edisons where Jof was educated about alcohol and he has lots of good memories there, Chris barker has memories from there too, but his are mostly all over the wall and floor.
Joffers, Jenny and Bullough had to catch the last train home, so they had a quick drink and did one ( I'd love to see Jof more often), we all went to Carringtons, which was OK, but not as fun as the week before (see last weeks post)
Saturday was a bit boring, I was going to go out in Leeds and surprise Jof, but I couldn't afford it as there has been a monumental fuck up regarding my wages, so I went to Trelly's instead.
Sunday is always boring and so I couldn't be bothered to update, I wasn't going to update today but I was bored.
Films I can recommend: Hancock, In Bruges and Wanted, I also watched, 'Son of Rambow' which was OK, but generally a bit meh.
That'll do for now.

Woggzeh

I've got sunshine on a cloudy day. When it's cold outside I've got the month of May.

2008-07-29T15:48:00.004+01:00

I don't know what's been going on recently, I been alarmingly passive, and more laid back and totally out of character and there is no explanation for it other than I must be about to drop dead. I mean why else does my mind set go from cynical hatred-ness to nice, well I think it's called nice, I'm guessing that nobody else has noticed a change in me, why should you?, but I definitely have and it scares me.
So it's been a while since a blog update and that's because I've been lazy.
I decided to take a week off from blogging after the Prague one, which as I'm not paid or under any obligation to update, I thought was a good idea, so thanks for not moaning at me for not updating, certainly not the people's who's blogs I have in my links column anyway, that would be pot/kettle/black.
Nah, I just took some time, I was going to blog on Sunday just gone but I had a hangover, reason for the hangover was because on Saturday I had a school reunion, and I was expecting it to be a damp squib of bollocks mixed with alcohol and years of pent up hatred, I had images of a 'Royal Rumble' in my mind, I can tell you, but it was the complete opposite, I had fun, it was lovely to see some people again after all these years, the school wankers arrived and left early, presumably to go wank each other off over how they used to be like sooooooo cool.
the rest of the bunch were faces I kind of recognised but didn't really know enough about them to socialise, so that was their loss.
Everyone appears to be doing better than me and I soon got embarrassed by telling people I was a heating engineer, eventually resorting to bare faced lying and telling them that I lived in a bin and gave blowjobs for pennies.
The night took us to Monteys, P&P and Carringtons, I can't actually tell you much about 'Ringtons, because I was paralytic, but I spoke to Barry (who was with me) on the Sunday and I don't owe anyone an apology, so that's good.
The previous week, I had been ill, I had managed to contract tuberculosis, which I'm guessing I got from Trelly who got it from Robin, who had it while in Prague, well it's not TB, but it was a nasty fucking cough and cold and it really took it out of me, I've not been ill in ages, so I was shocked by the severity of this one, I swear I actually coughed up a lung in the night.
Shocking news is that Lee has updated his blog, changed his picture and updated his 'links' column, what's going on dude? efficiency? organisation? are you on drugs?
Sir Joffrey is visiting Harrogate on Friday evening with his fair maiden, during a world tour of Yorkshire, so it'll be great to see him, I last saw him just after my birthday last year, I talk to him all the time, so there is absolutely nothing to catch up on, I'm guessing he just wants a big old cuddle from a professional cuddler.
So yeah, that's it, if I missed anything out then tough, have a good un peoples, I'll try and update next Sunday and then the week after I am going to Coniston again (yay) so there will be another big fuck off update for me to spend hours writing and then you read in 4 seconds and don't bother to comment on.
Y' reet set of bastards ya!

Oh yeah, and Collywogs Bloggy Blog has gone on a permanent hiatus due to the fact no one liked it and it was a pain in the knacker to write all the time. So you ruined it people, not me, I might update it now and again, but really, what's the point?

Woggzeh.

Trip to Prague 10th - 13th July 2008

2008-07-14T13:32:00.009+01:00

Wow, what a weekend, I'm not sure I can do Prague justice by what I write in this blog, the place is amazing, such a beautiful city and I want to go back right now!, so here we go, here's what I did this weekend:

Thursday:

I got really bored of sitting at home waiting until 2pm for our trip to East Midlands Airport so I buggered off to Robins place early, we eventually all gathered there and at 2pm on the dot, we set off (setting off on time must be a first for Robin!) the Journey was pretty uneventful, we picked Bullough up on the way and Paul had crab paste sandwiches which stunk the car out, (he got the crab paste from the chemist).
We arrived at E.M.A in good time and were thrilled to see that our flight had been delayed by an hour, I suppose it could have been worse but and hour can drag when you are stuck in an airport.
We eventually got on the plane and the take off was a dodgy affair, after driving round for about 15 minutes, the pilot told us that he had an emergency warning light flashing at him, but it's gone off now, (relief, but he should have lied to us and said there were fairies on the runway or something) then he took off and we hit turbulence immediately and the plane was shaking like mad, I honestly thought that we were going to fall out of the sky, I kept calm though, waiting for the pilot to scream, 'Brace Brace' which is the code for us to put our heads between our legs and kiss our arses goodbye!
We didn't die! it was a pretty good flight until the landing in which the pilot must have misjudged the runway because we hit the tarmac at such a speed the plane bounced down the runway, some people screamed, which was funny, we eventually got off the plane and collected our bags and got in the taxi to the apartments, which weren't that great, but it had everything we needed (apart from a decent lift) The taxi ride was quite funny because I was sat in the back and could witness everyone's heads twitching from side to side every time we passed a commercial area, and it was really funny because it was quite obvious that everyone was looking for their first glimpse of a Czech prostitute, (needn't have bothered, Wencelas Sq was full of them).
We threw the bags into our apartment, had a quick toilet break, and then straight out on the town and then it went mad!
Within 2 minutes of stepping out onto the square Matt had been asked if he wanted drugs, a prostitute and to go to a few bars by the annoying touts who follow you all over the place trying to get you to go to their pub, "you want titty bar?, we have beautiful women, touch them, do what you want to them, follow me" it's almost reminiscent of the scene from 'From Dusk till Dawn' where that bloke does that massive speech, 'pussy pussy pussy' it's just crazy, anyway we feel for it and went to some Irish bar and had our first drinks, which went down a treat, we stayed there for a couple and then left, we had to run the gauntlet again and the touts all followed us and chatted to us, We eventually left the square and Dave took us to a little bar that he knew and the beer was cheap, some of the group split up and went to a club, but the rest of us, chilled out and relaxed, before going to McDonalds for a burger and then home to bed at 4am!

Friday:

I woke up at 07:30 and not wanting to wake anyone up, I sat and read my Prague guides until 9am when I had to get up for some water and to use the toilet, we all met up a bit later and went to a cafe for breakfast, I had a full English and fresh orange juice (and when I say fresh, I mean wow, ferrrrrrresh!), it was in here that Pavla came to meet us, she was with her boyfriend Petr and it was lovely to see her again, we arranged to meet up later that evening and she would take us to Zlaty Strom (spelling is probably wrong), so she went to the zoo and we went to the Astronomical clock which looks amazing (it is worth noting that it was here that I saw, quite possibly, the most gorgeous woman in the world, in a very short skirt) we took pictures and carried on our way to the Charles bridge which was a very picturesque bridge, we walked across that, and then up a bloody great hill, (I forgot to mention that it was well over 30 degrees and I had a burned head and was sweating a lot) the walk was worth it though because we came to a cathedral and had a wander round that, then it was back down the hill to the nearest bar where we had a drink and watched a crazy pigeon run around our feet.
Somehow on the way back Trelly and myself got split up from the crowd and had to navigate the mean streets of Prague back to our hotel on our own, and this is the best thing, I had been there for less than 24 hours and I already felt that I knew the place inside out, needless to say, we ended up back at the astronomical clock and it was a simple walk up the road back to our digs, where I made an ice pack to cool my head down (it was now a big red beacon) the other rocked up about 20 minutes later, we all chillaxed and then we went to Tesco for some beers and food.
Having eaten a dodgy pizza it was almost 8pm, which was our rendezvous time to meet Pavla at the metro station (100 metres away from our front door) so we set off and had to run the gauntlet again, in that distance, in those two minutes, we were accosted 5 times! it was funny at first but they got really annoying.
Pavla arrives bang on time and takes us to get tickets and then takes us on a massive journey, up escalators, down steps, round the corner to wait for the train, we sit down and it takes off at about 100mph, we travel two stops and then go for a short walk to the pub, we passed the television tower on the way which had giant statues of babies climbing up it, it's a strange sight, but definitely not something you see everyday, we get to the pub, where Petr has saved us a table and has brought along his friend (who's name I can't remember but it translates to Wenceslas,* his name is Vaclav, I just spoke to Pavla) now this guy is funny! he works in the U.S embassy and speaks brilliant English and has a passion for Premier league football, so he chatted to us, and Pavla chatted to us, and I felt a bit sorry for Petr because he doesn't speak a lot of English so he couldn't really join in, needless to say, the drink prices in this part of town were dirt cheap (20CZK, which is about 66p) it was particularly good there because when you finish your drink the bar woman (right grumpy cow) brought you over another beer, you didn't need to leave your seat! amazing! anyway, we had 20+ drinks and wine for Pavla and our whole bill came to about £20 (maybe less) which is just brilliant, Pavla and Petr then took us back on the metro (Dave and Paul dodged paying their fare! naughty) to a club near the Charles bridge. I got Pavla to get me my drinks and was paying 28CZK for a pint where as the others were getting their own drinks and were paying three times as much, it's really cheeky to have local and tourist prices that are so expensive, but I guess there is nothing we can do about it. The bar had a dance floor which Pavla flocked to, and we had a wander to find a really cool bar which had 4 women dancing and stripping on the bar, so we stayed and had a look at that for a while.
We eventually all settled by the dance floor where Paul crashed and burned trying to chat up a local woman, (she wanted me) but that's Paul for you, game for anything. We eventually left the club at god knows when and went back to Wenceslas sq where Pavla got a chicken schnitzel and Paul got a dirty hot dog, we went back to the apartments and sat up and had another beer eventually getting to bed around 04:30 - 5am.

Saturday:

Robins 30th!
We get up around 10ish and Robin isn't in the best of moods, he had a bit of a cough that had kept him awake half the night and Paul's snoring kept him awake the other half.
It's decided that Birthday boy makes all the decisions, so we went on a boat trip from Charles Bridge, around the river and back, it was a good trip, our guide told us all about the history of the place and enjoyed a complimentary beer while we travelled, the guide showed us pictures of the flooding in 2002 where the water rose up 6 metres, which is crazily high, Bradbury asked the question, ''did you continue doing the tours?'' which has to go down as one of the most stupid questions I've ever heard.
With the boat trip done we headed through the old town square (eyeing up pretty ladies) and sat down for a drink outside a pub that was in the shade, some people had food, I chose not to bother as I was going to buy some from the shops later, after our drinks we headed towards the supermarket because the Byroms wanted to get Robin a cake and when they eventually found a nice chocolate one, it was a stealth operation to get it back to the apartments without Robin spotting it, which mainly consisted of Chris (not the smallest of blokes) trying to hide behind bus shelters, lamp posts and anything else at hand.
We relaxed in our apartments for a couple of hours before heading downstairs to the pizza restaurant and the big party dinner, I had a really tasty pizza, but I can't remember it's name, once we had all eaten then the waitresses brought out Robins cake and we all sang happy birthday to him, he got embarrassed, which was funny, and then we all had some cake and hit the town.
We went to a bar that was in an arcade kind of area, which also had a very strange statue of an upside down horse with the rider straddled across the belly of the horse, very strange indeed.
The bar was pretty cool and we managed to get a table , I say get a table, but Ian and Denise sat at a table where there was a little Czech guy (called Jez) sat on his own watching the ultimate fighting championships, he didn't speak a word of English and so when I spoke to him in Czech (what little I know) he seemed genuinely happy and replied, 'Dobre' which means 'good' so I was happy as Larry, after that pub we decide to go to one of the 'best' night clubs in Europe, it has five levels to it and is huge, it is also the hottest place I have ever been! I had sweat pissing from every pore on my body, my eyes were sweating as were my teeth, it was so uncomfortable, I could hardly breathe, I thought it was just me (being a fat bastard and all) but it wasn't me, nobody was enjoying themselves because they were too hot and couldn't breathe,. so we had a couple of drinks in there and did one double quick, On the way home we found a little bar that was lovely, it had a nice dance floor and a nice seating area, so we stayed there untill about 4am when we all set off home, Paul and myself decided to get a hot dog and in doing so lost every one, (Trelly said he was waiting for us, but I didn't see him) So we staggered towards our apartments and got stopped by one of these bloke, "you want titty bar?" we told him that we weren't interested then he said, "It's free entry" and I decided it would be rude not to go. So we went there and had a few drinks and totally lost track of time, (great girls, great shows!)
We had as much as we could drink and decided to creep back home only to get outside and discover that it was daylight! we were confused but also found it funny, we staggered home and even at that time some bloke tried to sell me cocaine, we got to our apartments but neither of us had a key, so we woke Trelly up by buzzing him, and he got annoyed and wouldn't let us in, luckily James Byrom was on the balcony and he buzzed us in, we eventually crashed at about 6am, check out was at midday, bollocks!

Sunday:

I woke up at about 10am and ran to the toilet, that hot dog had decided it wanted to exit my body via my colon and wasn't waiting any longer, if anyone was in the toilet then I would have dragged them out, luckily there wasn't!
it is fair to say I was feeling rough, I packed all my gear and we put it in a holding area and went for breakfast, which I skipped, settling for a coke instead.
I had arranged to meet Pavla and Petr at 1400 for some drinks and food, they took us shopping and Dave bough Hannah a necklace (it cost him £2000 - Just in case Hannah reads this, if she doesn't read this, then it was a bit less) then they took us to a cafe where I had a pasta salad, I managed about 5 spoonfuls and had to give up, stupid hangover! I had a pint to try and make it better, but went onto water after that.
the rain came down and cleared up, we went back to meet the others and said goodbye to Pavla, I'm sure she had tears in her eyes as we departed ( I know I did) it was really lovely to see her again and she hasn't changed a bit, her English is better too.
We met the lads at a sports bar for a couple of drinks before heading back to our apartments to await our taxi transfer, not before passing the Darling cabaret bar where they employ a crazy man to run around giving out fliers and telling us about the 'sexy midget, sexy midget' apparently he is a bit of a character and anyone who has been to Prague has seen him and will tell you that he's a hyperactive crazy bloke (sounds like me).
Prague airport is pretty unspectacular and small, and really by the time you are there, you have accepted that your holiday is over and just want to get home.
The plane left on time and was a good flight and a great landing, we saw fireworks going off as we flew over France which was cool.
Robin had to drive us all home after that, luckily the roads were clear as Robin kept jumping red lights, I eventually got through my front door at 2am, I made a cup of tea, had a sandwich and went to bed.

Monday:

Got up at 11am, wished I was still in Prague and started to write this blog and upload my photos to Facebook, I have to upload my pictures using the simple upload thing because when I use the Java application, it always crashes and fails, which is annoying.
There is nothing more to say other than, Thank you Robin for organising it all, than you everyone who came and made it what it was and Thank you people of the Czech Republic, I will be back soon, I've really fallen in love with the place, just one thing that I found disappointing is that I didn't see any cats! although I know where you can see a lot of pussys!

Thorn in my side, You know thats all you ever were, A bundle of lies, You know thats all that it was worth..

2008-07-10T11:51:00.002+01:00

Now then peeps.

Just trying to waste time at the moment because I'm going to Prague today and I've done everything I need to do and now I have a couple of hours to wait before going to Robins and getting a lift to the airport, so here I am.
Apologies about Sundays update it was a mixture of Hangover and well.. I had a hangover so I couldn't be arsed to blog.
Monday was my birthday, I got lots of nice things, thankfully I got pants too, I'd literally blown holes in all my others so now I'm happy, had a few drinks with Trel and Paul at lunchtime and then a few more drinks in the evening, Tuesday and Wednesday have bummed along at the speed of a dead snail, always the case when you are looking forward to something the days before drag and then the weekend will be over in the blink of an eye and before I know it I'll be round at Trelly's watching The Gadget Show saying, 'Is it Monday already?'
I really am excited about going away, I can't wait to leave all the shit in Harrogate and just go and have a good time with no worries, well, I say no worries, if you believe everything you read about Prague then I'll be lucky if I come home with any money/clothes/limbs! apparently Prague and especially the part we are in (Wenceslas sq) is reminiscent of London circa 1880 and the days of Oliver Twist and the street urchins running around lifting your wallet and other valuables, it would be all too easy to worry about what is around every corner and that'd ruin my trip, so as I generally don't worry, I'll have a good time.
Well I think that'll do for now, I will do a huge update when I return like I do for camping, I hope it will be satisfactory.
Take care people, have a good weekend, if you hear of a plane crashing this evening and it's travelling to Prague from East Midlands and this blog doesn't get updated then don't start fucking complaining!

Woggzeh

I'm a wanker, I'm a wanker, and it does me good like it bloody well should.

2008-07-06T13:35:00.003+01:00

well, went out last night, had a good drink,my birthday tomorrow, whoo hoo and all that, can't be arsed to blog, there will be no blog next week because I'm in Prague, so toodle ooh, will blog when I get back, one of those long boring fucking blogs that takes ages to write and everyone expects a great blog and I take it upon myself to write it and then you just fucking moan that it's not as good as it could have been, well you can fuck off my friend, because I write the blogs and you fucking read them, and if it's not up to standard, then write your fucking own!

Every breath you take, Every move you make, Every bond you break, Every step you take, I'll be watching you.

2008-06-29T16:34:00.003+01:00

Ok people, I'd better explain:

I've just been sat here writing for a whole ten minutes and this is the only line I'm going to use in this weeks Woggzeh's World update because for ten minutes I just realised I have written some material for my other blog (the one that no one mentions because it's crap), so now I have to come back to this page and start again and moan about me and my life not what else annoys me.
SO what have I been doing? fuck all! I went to a funeral on Wednesday and it was good, the Eulogy was read by a bloke I've known for years and it turns out that he's a very funny bloke, for the eulogy was the funniest thing I've ever heard (in a church anyway) the whole congregation were in hysterics even the vicar was impressed, even though it was really funny and good, I hope it's the last one I hear for a very long time, the wake was a great affair too, free bar! I ended up getting pissed, to say the least!
Finished the job at St Helens, ( I know you don't really care where I've been working and the jobs I've finished but come the end of the month and I'm writing out the wages invoice, this little blog comes in very handy, plus it gives me great satisfaction to read my own words and laugh at my own jokes again, lol ego mania!)
Last night was spent at Robins and we played Poker (not for real money, poker chips), which was fun and I think I was holding my own pretty well, but it started getting late, I had a bit of a head ache and so I tried to lose and you know my luck, I kept bloody winning, nay mind, I lost it all eventually and went home happy, I just have to mention for Matt's sake, his joke that he wanted me to blog, "It's ten to call, hahaha tentacle, haha ten-to-call ha ten-ta-cle"
It's my dads birthday today, he's older than me, so happy b'day dad, he'll never read this unless they print it off and add it to a really old black and white film with Jimmy Cagney.
Prague in less than a fortnight and I'm looking forward to it, if not least just getting away from it all, it'll be nice.
I'm addicted to a football manager game called Soccer Manager and I've managed to rope Trelly, Robin and Matt into it and they seem to enjoy it too (well Trelly is addicted too) so I've added the link, sign up and give it a go, if you want to join my league then I am in the set up "World Championship 157"
Oh yeah, as it's my birthday on a Monday and we go to Prague the following Thursday, I'm thinking of going out to town on Saturday 5th July for a few drinks, (nowt special) if anyone fancies it. (no? really?, I'll go on me fucking own then.)
That'll do, catch you all later.

Woggzeh

I broke a thousand hearts Before I met you, I'll break a thousand more Baby Before I am through.

2008-06-22T13:36:00.002+01:00

Hello.
Friends, Romans Countrymen, lend me your ears....

It's time for the weekly moan about it being Sunday and I'm doing my update, well let me start by telling you that my eye is all better, and there should be no long term damage, although I do have a little scar on my eye that will go eventually but for the moment makes a little line of blur on everything I look at, still, could be worse.
Went out for drinks with Kristy on Monday, which was nice, she's had two operations to remove a couple of small tattoos on her wrists and so she is in bandages and can't use her hands very well, which is hilarious as she's technically a cripple, a fact I reminded her about at every opportunity.
Started a job in St Helens, on Tuesday and it's a cracking job, one of those jobs that just goes right, but sadly it'll be over in a few more days.
A dear friend of the family passed away on Tuesday, so I have a funeral to go to on Wednesday, which I'm not really looking forward to, but then again, who does look forward to such things?
Top Gear is back tonight and I am sitting here, shaking with excitement, it's been away for too long, and the sad thing is it's only going to be on for six episodes then it'll be gone again, I find with Top Gear it's the 'pick me up' that you need to get you through the week ahead, it certainly makes Mondays more bearable, mainly because you have a new topic of conversation other than how munted you got on Saturday night.
My tips for Euro 2008 are out of the running, which sucks, I went for Czech Rep, and secondly Holland, but they lost, like losers, so who's left? Germany, Turkey, Russia and either Spain or Italy (at the time of writing this) so who do I want to win? None of them, I'll go for Spain because I've been there, but with me backing them, that means they will lose, so, on that mentality, I'll also support Germany, and see the krauts go out and back to their piss poor miserable blonde ugly lives.
Stick a fork in me because I'm done. Gotta go write some more crap for my other blog now.
Take it easy people.

Woggzeh.

Doing all I can do, just to be close to you. Every time that we meet, I skip a heartbeat. Always up for a laugh, she's a pain in the arse.

2008-06-15T12:39:00.002+01:00

Now then peeps, mah homies, mah dawgs.

How are we all doing?
Well, as I'm sad enough to blog each week, here is your weekly instalment, and what a shit week it's been.
It started off rubbish because I was in Liverpool, a place which I hate with a passion, and the people in it can all go to hell, because it's rubbish, the scum of the earth, And somehow, it's the culture capital 2008, honestly, which ever prick voted for Liverpool needs his bollocks smashing into the ground with a JCB, I honestly believe that you'd have a better chance finding Madeline McCann before you find culture in Liverpool, it's a shit hole.
On Wednesday, I developed a sore throat and the sniffles, which turned into full blown Man flu by Thursday and I had to take the day off, which was a shame because we could have finished the job in Liverpool, but alas, I was at home, with a runny nose and man flu MK2, which no woman would understand, but believe me, it's bad, it's a known fact that men get colds and flu virus's worse than women do, because we usually work through the cold that you would take a year off work for, and so you don't believe us when the real bad boy comes a knocking on our immune system with an AK-47 and lurgi spray.
Friday the 13th, I am back at work and it was shit, we were on a mission to finish the job and were going well until at about 10:30am, I was up a scaffold and I turned around and a wire hanger went straight into my eye, "oh my word, how terribly painful" were not my words at the time, but something similar was screamed by me, my eye was pissing out water, and the pain barrier was fucking bad! anyway, I decided that it'd get better in an hour and continued working, it didn't get better, but I finished the days work and then went straight home to hospital, (reason being that I didn't want to spend three hours in a Liverpool hospital) so I got home and spent three hours in Harrogate hospital, where I was treated and had the red dye in my eye that dribbled down my face and stained me and my beard, but the good news is, while the pain will last a few days, I will not lose my eye sight, and today I'm not in much pain, (although most of you would say the pain I'm in now is excruciating, I'm fine with it) I can't see properly through my eye it's all a blur, but I reckon that it'll be fine when I go see the eye specialist tomorrow.
Collywogs bloggy blog is still up and running and I think that it's only Bullough who reads it, I'm thinking of turning it into a bi-weekly, because I'm running out of material and can't find the time to write more, what do you think? what days would you prefer if it went bi weekly?
I'm sure I had loads to write but it turns out I don't, I tried a 24p Chicken and Mushroom pot noodle from Asda t'other day, and it was pants, so I swamped it with soy sauce and it was reet nice, so I'll be buying more of them and trying new and inventive ways to make them better, I might even post the results here, for my entertainment.
Anyway, gotta go, my Niece is coming over to play.

Toodle ooh.

Woggzeh

When the moon hits your eye, Like a big-a pizza pie, That's amore

2008-06-08T14:34:00.003+01:00

Hello Everybody.

I'm writing this with a headache, well actually I'm writing this with my fingers, but I've got a headache, reason behind said headache is Matt's birthday last night which was fun, we went to P&P which was a bit pants to be honest but because we are a resourceful bunch we made our own fun which resulted in us consuming nearly all of the helium balloons and making each other laugh, most of us were content after one or two goes but Paul went and ate the lot, he's now addicted to helium and is on patches to curb his addiction.
We ended up in Carringtons (oh man, 'ringtons is buzzin') which I'm happy to say was ace, it had half price drinks until midnight, which I took full advantage of, (at one point I had four bottles of WKD Orange) and then the music caught my attention like a cute blonde in a short skirt would catch my attention, and I just had to dance, now for people who don't know me, I am a seriously good dancer, I can really bust some moves, and to be honest I was disappointed in the way the rest of the lads were dancing, so they needed showing how it's done, with tunes like 'I am the one and only' and a selection of Status Quo hits, I was in my stride and ripping up the dance floor like a man possessed, and everyone was amazed at my ability (they might have been amazed at the flood of sweat that was dripping from my head, but I'm confident it was the dancing they liked).
I left the club at about 1:30, having done all I could to teach the little people how to dance, and today I am deaf, I have that buzzing, dense feeling in my ears that you get when you have been near a speaker in a club all night, which sucks.
Yesterday day was another talking point, Bullough had managed to con us (Trelly, Robin and me) into being his removal men, so we turned up and lugged his stuff from his old flat to his new house (nice gaff btw) and then he bought us lunch and casually reminded us that our beers (payment) had been left at his house, so we missed out there! nay mind.
the week since I last spoke to you guys has been pretty unremarkable, Big Brother is back and full of dullards, we (Trelly Robin and Paul) had a sweepstake and picked our contestants to support by choosing a number (1-16) before they went in the house, I chose number 7, which is some black lass, who isn't bad, she's a god botherer but I have a good chance, Trelly got a gay dancer from Scotland, and we actually believe that his horse will come third, and Paul got another black lass with 'attitude' so I might be on a winner here, I wish I had picked number 5 because the lass who went in is hot and quite funny, another person to mention is the 'mad Nancy lam' character who should be worth watching, as she seems mad as a hatter.
well, I'm bored, I'm tired, Euro 2008 kicked off yesterday with a very crap match, but I'm still backing the Czech Rep to win. so there.

Toodle Ooh

Woggzeh

Used to be so easy to give my heart away, but I found out the hard way, there's a price you have to pay.

2008-06-01T14:29:00.007+01:00

Now then peeps.

Sunday again, I'm sure that Sunday comes round quicker than any other day of the week, and I'm sure it's not as long as any other day of the week because before you know what day it is, it's Monday and you are back at work.
So I'm working in Liverpool again, and I'm genuinely worried that I might start talking Scouse and nicking everything that isn't nailed down, Hopefully I'll not be there long, then I think I have a job coming up in Darlington.
My computer is giving me nightmares, it's just the fact that it's so old it can't keep up, I also think that it might need to be formatted, I might ask Trellys advice, he formats his computer every week, it runs so slowly, even when I'm typing this blog, it takes forever, I've actully taken to writing everything out on my laptop and transferring the text over to here, because my laptop is better than this computer, which brings me nicely to a question, is there anyway I can connect to the internet via USB? because my lappy doesn't have an internet hole, it has a phone line hole and usb, so if anyone knows of some Heath Robinson contraption that allows me to get internetted via usb, then please let me know.
EDIT: just been looking at wireless internet usb dongles, you can even get pay as you go instead of a monthly contract, however my lappy only has windows 98, and the minimum spec for the dongle things is Windows 2000, so if anyone has win2000 on floppy disk then let me know (my lappy doesn't have a cd drive).
I was going to talk about Graham 'Fucking' Norton here, but I've decided to save that for a Colywogs Blogy Blog.
I was talking to Jof about Eurovision and he's well up for it, he reckons his brother will do it too, so all we need now is a bassist, which is shit because all bassists are bastards and you have to temp them to join the band with food and shiny objects, I also need to find out how to apply for auditions to show the judges how good I am and they choose me to represent the UK, so if any of you get bored and fancy finding out the process then let me know.
Fuck me, this is turning into a 'you do the leg work and I'll do fuck all'
I re registered my pen friend advert the other week and now I'm over run by emails from people (mainly girls, attractive girls too) who want to write to me, which is cool, but it takes up loads of my time, and I really hate the introductory emails, where you tell them what you like, films, music and partying, which is stupid because EVERYONE loves those things, so it's really a no brainer, but in true Woggzeh style I can drag out those three topics into 5 paragraphs, so it looks like I'm really cool and clever.
Some dancing kid won Britains got talent, which is alright I supose, I got confused by the show initially, you see I grew my toe nails really long because I thought it was called Britains got talons, but I soon realised my mistake when I went to the auditions, it didn't matter though because I gave them a false name (D.Bullough).
Anyway, I'm done for this week, gotta go write some material for C.B.B.
take care

Jof (4th June I think), Stacey (6th June I think) and Matt (4th June I think) are all celebrating their birthdays this week, so congratulations, many happy returns, all that bollocks, have a great time.

Stay Lucky

Woggzeh

We love this exaltation (woh oh, o-o-o-oh), We want the new temptations (woh oh, o-o-o-oh), It's like a revelation (woh oh, o-o-o-oh).

2008-05-25T13:28:00.004+01:00

Ey up.

I'm loving this song at the moment, it's by Alphabeat and it's called Fascination, it's just really cool and boppy, I've heard a few other songs by them and I like them too, but this one stands out head and shoulders above the rest.
Now I've managed to devise a dance for this song and I'm going to teach you all how it should be done, I made it up as I was walking down the street with this song on my MP3 player, and it was then that I realise that I'd cracked it, I was a dancing god!!! so here is what you do:

1 - Place left arm straight up in the air with your hand in a fist.
2 - Whilst hand is in the air, raise your right knee so you are balancing on one leg.
3 - During the intro, you nod your head.
4 - when it kicks in, you must put a huge grin on your face.
5 - then you hop to your right foot bringing your left knee up while at the same time, bringing your left arm down and sending your right arm up with your hand in a fist.
6 - Repeat all the way through the song.

I'm telling you, it's brilliant, and the most important bit is the grin, it must be genuine and if you do the dance moves right then the grin will be genuine, go try it.
I got a new tent this week which is cool, Argos have a half price sale on so I got a 4 man tent for £21:99, I needed a new one because my camping bed didn't fit in my old one, anyway, I put it up in my garden and I notice a big bloody rip in the groundsheet, which is bloody annoying so I had to take it back and replace it, I'll be fair to Argos here, they didn't ask any questions or fuck me about, which is what I expected, no, they changed it and I now have a tent with no holes in it, which I'm happy about, so well done Argos for your good customer service.
Last night was the Eurovision Song Contest and we had a dilemma, a BIG dilemma, because the boxing was on too, Ricky Hatton was on box office and we all wanted to watch that too, so we watched Eurovision until 9:45 and then Robin found an internet site that was streaming the fight, for free!! so as it happened, the night of Saturday 24th May, six lads sat in Robins front room, huddled round a laptop watching the boxing while also keeping an eye on the Eurovison voting results on a 42 inch screen!! Brilliant!!
I'd also like to mention that Greece were robbed and Russia won, which all comes down to the political voting bollocks again, I mean the Greeks should have won because they had this woman:

And I think you'll agree, she is gorgeous (I've stored a few images up in the old wank bank), although there was a lot of good looking birds performing and well done to them too, I am however considering writing a song and entering myself for next years Eurovison, who thinks I should do that?
Also Collywogs bloggy blog is doing well, have you noticed though, this blog here has a higher rating, which I think is strange.

Woggzeh

I haven't seen your face round, since I was a kid, you're bringing back those memories of the things that we did

2008-05-18T12:46:00.004+01:00

Good Morrow.

I think Sunday comes round way too fast, it only seems like yesterday I was struggling to do this blog, and here we are again, a blank screen and a blanker brain.
So this week Piers Morgan has been everywhere, I say Hoooooray!!!! I love the bloke, he's the only bloke on tv who makes any sense. I saw him recently on Question time and, well, he was great and if he was in government then I'd vote for him, I'm sure there are a few of you out there who hate him, that's fine, he'd probably hate you too, He's definitely like Marmite, you either love him or loathe him, as I can't stand Marmite, then my appreciation of Piers Morgan seems justified.
well, my mood has been up and down like a brides nightie recently, just thought I'd tell you that.
Jof's blog is coming on leaps and bounds, I think I might have a problem with my cookies because it says he hasn't updated since April, he's actually got lazy because he's got a girlfriend! yes a GIRLFRIEND how gay is that?
Collywogs Bloggy Blog is doing well although I need to write some more posts and put them in the bank for a later date as I'm running out, it's not that I don't have anything to write about, it's just that I can't be arsed to write any thing, I should really carry a Dictaphone around with me because I do most of my thinking while I'm out and about, which probably looks stupid as I always move my lips when I think, and as I have my music on in my ears, I've noticed that I do a strange kind of jig when I walk, like my body is trying to dance to the music but my sub conscious is fighting the urge to make a prat of myself in public, although I know I'll crack one day, probably in the middle of a busy street, throw my hands in the air, do a little kick and sing the chorus to the song I'm listening to as loud as I dare and then realise what I've done and be really embarrassed, in fact, I hope I'm with you when it happens!
I also managed to put a 'rate my blog' widget on C.B.B but it's a bit shit, I've had three ratings all giving it 10/10 and yet the chart gives it a 6.4% so I don't know what's going on there.
I've found out that a new food stuff that I'll be enjoying more of is cold baked beans and brown sauce, try it you might like it.
I was massively disappointed that Jof didn't win (or enter) the spot the song contest, in fact no fucker entered, leaving me with with the secret prize.

Woggzeh

Stars in your eyes, little one, where do you go to dream, to a place we all know, the land of make believe.

2008-05-11T13:45:00.005+01:00

Now then.

As per usual, I don't know what to put in this weeks blog, so I'll let you all know that I'm ill, poorly, sick, at deaths door.
I have had tummy pains for most of last week then on Friday I threw my guts up (mostly it was the dry heaves, but unpleasant all the same) then on Saturday, I ate my breakfast, (sausage, bacon and egg butty) and promptly threw that up too, then I didn't have an appetite all day but I had terrible stomach pains from hunger (or it could be P.M.T) so I didn't eat anything until I got to Robins in the evening and managed some pizza.
The same thing has happened this morning too, so I'm sticking to fluids at the moment, then I'm going to the doctors first thing, although if he suggests anything less than a stomach ulcer I'll be heavily disappointed, because I've convinced myself that's what it is.
Then again, whenever you are poorly people suddenly become doctors, they ask what's wrong with you and then tell you that there's a lot of it going about, which is really annoying, is there ever a time in England when there isn't a lot of it going about? that's why, when people who aren't doctors ask for my symptoms, I tell them that I have sand coming out of my eyes, and I keep laying eggs, that stumps them because there isn't a lot of that going about I can tell you!
Got some heavy shit going down here at the moment(along with my illness), so I've not been my usual chirpy self recently, I've tried my best but I'm stressed out to fuck with certain things, I just don't know what to do because I usually don't give a fuck, but this time I do, and there's nothing I can do.
Played against Lee on Mario Kart Wii last night, that was fun, isn't the internet clever! he's on the other side of the world and we are on this side of the world and I can still kick his ass at Mario Kart it's brilliant, what ever will they think of next? I bet it's something crazy like instant electronic mail or something even more wacky, I can't wait.

Woggzeh

P.S - Time for name that tune again, so first person (I bet it will be Jof) to write down all the song titles and artist from my blog titles between today and June 16th 2007 will win fuck all and a handy bag to carry fuck all in.

Every rose has its thorn, Just like every night has its dawn, Just like every cowboy sings his sad, sad song, Every rose has its thorn.

2008-05-05T18:36:00.002+01:00

Hey peeps, just a quick one.

Sorry yesterdays blog was boring, tough shit, nobody left a comment because you are all 'too busy' so I've gone ahead and made the new blog without you.

Unfortunately, the naming on the blog falls to Trelly, he came up with Collywogs Bloggy Wog And I rather liked it, we have to be honest, my ideas were hardly inspired. Anyway, I took Trellys idea and have created Collywogs Bloggy Blog Which I hope you will enjoy and maybe even crack a smile, or heaven forbid, you might laugh out loud, but it's entirely up to you.
Anyway, check it out, if you like it then let me know, if you hate it then fuck off.

Woggzeh

Girls who are boys, who like boys to be girls, Who do boys like they're girls, who do girls like they're boys.

2008-05-04T12:18:00.006+01:00

Ey up

Right, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, but I've changed my mind again, this blog has caused me so many sleepless nights it's getting annoying, so, here is the plan, Woggzeh's blog is staying the same as it has been for the past two years (boring and dull and weekly) however, I am currently working on a new blog that will have my cynical look at things and rants, like the post I did last week, I originally decided to make it a daily, but I've plumped for making it thrice ( I think that means three times?) weekly so it'll be updated on a Monday, Wednesday and a Friday, I'm still struggling to find a good name for the blog, I want it to be "Collywog...something" but really can't decide what, a few ideas that I've had are :

Collywog Opines
It's Collywog
Collywogs corner
Collywogs thrice weekly

Or maybe you can come up with something? I've also got a few posts ready to post, so I'm not snowed under, I'm prepared this time around, although I'm not sure which one I should post first so you decide, the one with the most votes will be posted first, here are the available titles so far:

John Doe
Holidays
Joke Telling
Making Appointments
Lazy remaking Of Songs
Swear Words
Safari Parks
Facebook
Carry On Films

so as you can see, I have three weeks of material there, which is more than I actually thought I had, I'm also planning on printing out each blog (or getting someone else to print it for me) and eventually I will have the book that I've always craved to write.
Been a bit down this week, got the weight of the world on my shoulders at the moment, and the shit doesn't stop coming, (work and money being the main problems) to say I'm down would be an understatement, but you know me, I'll be back soon enough, got plenty of cool stuff to keep my mind occupied, like the new series of Peep Show, woop woop.
Well I'm not really in a mood to write any more (yes, I wrote most of this blog the other day, this paragraph is the Sunday bit) So I don't know when I'll launch the new blog, but I'll let you all know in due course, (probably be Monday or Wednesday or Friday) still don't have a decent name for it. It's the Bilton Gala tomorrow, so that'll be fun to miss, it's always been rubbish, I don't know why I used to go every year, oh yes I do, my mum dragged me there!
Anyway, have a good un, I'll look forward to your feedback.

Woggzeh

My friend and me, Looking through her red box of memories, faded I'm sure, But love seems to stick in her veins you know.

2008-04-21T15:02:00.008+01:00

Hello people of the world,
Well let me explain to you what is going on here, I had a meeting with the shareholders of Woggzeh's World Blog and we decided that a change might be necessary to keep up with demand, now this change could be permanent or it could be temporary, it's all down to you, I want you to read this blog and leave a comment, telling me whether you prefer the old version, where I sit down on a Sunday and summarise the whole week, generally talking about work and all the stuff I do which got a bit 'samey' or I can write like I have done here, where I just write down my thoughts each day and post them all on Sunday for you to enjoy, now this will be harder for me, as I will be in demand to write daily for you, but I can manage that, the thing is, it will be less about me and what I am doing, So I'll leave it to you, have a read, Please leave a comment, your feedback is important, there is a third option and that is to cancel the blog...

Monday 21st April

I went into one of my stupid heads today and decided to figure out how they get all the white tarmac lines so perfect and in line on our roads, just look at it next time you are on the road, it's pretty impressive, but then I realised I was being silly, because, (Like all good facts, I've made this one up) the fact of the matter is, Tarmac is naturally white and the manufacturers have to add a black dye to the mixture so that it can be seen during the day!

Tuesday 22nd April

You know when you see a dog running up to you and it's one of those dogs that you are sure is on the banned register? well that happened to me today, and I don't know if you know much about me, but as much as I love animals, animals don't share the same enthusiasm with me, basically, all animals try to bite me.
Well today this pit bull viper thing came running over to me from nowhere, big smile on it's muzzle-less face, I thought it looked like a crazed rabid dog that could take down a horse and run off with it, naturally I stood back as it circled round my petrified body like a vulture waiting for it's prey, I tried to look calm and cool, but I know I failed.
The dogs owner appeared out of the same nowhere that the dog appeared from and she was a weird looking woman (why are weird looking woman all weird looking?) she was laughing and grabbed the dog and looked at me (through her one good eye, lol) and said, "He can smell your fear" I just looked her and nodded while thinking to myself, 'I bet he can smell my fear!, I bet you can smell it too as well as everyone within 100 metres of me can smell my fear because my fear smells distinctly like shit!'
Anyway, the rabid dog didn't bite me this time, but it did lick my hand, it was probably tasting me to see if I was worth ripping to shreds for the shits and giggles.
Anyway the strange woman took her strange dog and walked away, and I lived to fight another day, although if I see the dog tomorrow then I will know that I tasted good and the dog wants to finish it's meal.

Wednesday 23rd April

Happy St Georges Day! It was nice to read that Morley is the most patriotic place in England, They had a big celebration and a parade and all that jazz, I think we should celebrate St Georges Day more, After all, we are British are we not? Although we must remember not to upset the ethnic minorities (I think they are majority now) otherwise they might fuck off back to their own country and stop sponging off us.
Who here has grey hairs? go on, be honest, all us twenty some things are now officially old and it's doing my head in, I remember that Chris has had grey hairs since he was about 5 but as he is only just starting puberty in his mid twenties, then I will just put that down to Chris being awkward.
But with me, as there is little on top, my comedy beard takes most of the abuse from advancing grey hairs, I am constantly at pains (and in pain) just standing in front of the bathroom mirror tugging these unsightly greys hairs out of my chinny chin chin, which hurts, and even sometimes you get a stubborn fucker, who has anchored himself to the back of my head and I find myself nodding to myself in the mirror as the hair refuses to budge and pulls my head down to my chest.
I wouldn't mind the grey hairs too much if it was just one or two, but it's getting to the point where there is real danger of me losing my youthful good looks, which I do worry about!
Anyway, I'm not shaving the beard off, so I'm thinking that my only option now is to go to the chemist and buy some 'Just For Men' unless, of course, you can suggest something different.

Thursday 24th April

I don't know why I watch Eggheads while I eat my tea, it riles me up something rotten that I just want to puke all over my screen with disgust at the people on the show, I hate everything about it, and yet, here I am, night after night, tuning in and getting myself in a right state over a stupid game show!
Firstly there are the 'Eggheads' a collection of boring fuckwits, who happen to know a few things:

Kevin - He's the intelligent one out of the lot, and in fairness the only one I would like to see in a pub and have a beer with, without him, the whole show would be called 'Shitheads'
Chris - Fat, boring and knows fuck all about answering a question with an answer, this guy has to give you the life history of the answer before he reveals that he knows it!
Daphne - Old woman, usually gets eliminated, probably someone's granny, probably a nice person.
Judith - Millionaire winner, thick as pig shit, usually the first Egghead to be eliminated.
CJ - The most disgusting creation to walk the earth is allowed on television, this smug fucking poof (and I'm not homophobic, I can't describe him any other way, you try it...see, not easy is it) he is the reason I hate Eggheads, the show would be all right to watch if it wasn't for him, I can't stand him, and I'm yet to meet anyone who does like him, he's a fucking toss pot, and what has he ever done? he won Brainteaser on Ch5! my fucking dog could win that joke of a show.
Then there is Dermot Murnaghan, (who has a silly name to spell) he lives so far up the backsides of the Eggheads I'm surprised that he is no longer just a pair of feet dangling from Chris's gigantic arse, He is a twat too, he asks the contestants if they want to go first or second, which is fair enough, but it doesn't matter what you say because you are going to get the hard set of questions anyway, God forbid the public realise that the Eggheads don't know everything, I wouldn't mind wagering that the Eggheads already know the answers!
I'm going to stop watching this show in future, it annoys me, but first I want to see the look on CJs face when the rest of the Eggheads turn on him and say, "fuck off you annoying cunt".

Friday 25th April

Rabbits are a stupid animal, They look cute and fluffy and they breed like..well..er.. rabbits but they are just so stupid, everyday on my route to work, I see dozens of them squashed into the tarmac, Well, today was our turn to add to the number of rabbits killed on the road in any one day, the bloody thing just came out of the grass and legged it across the road but before it made it, I felt a bump under the wheel of our van, I guess if it hadn't been a baby rabbit then it probably would have made it, but alas, there it was, flat on the road with bits of it still spinning round on our tyre, I will admit I felt a little bad at first, but these things happen and it's not like we've just destroyed a whole species, because by this time tomorrow there will be another 700 rabbits to replace that dead one.

Saturday 26th April

I woke up this morning with a right old crick in my neck and a general feeling in my back that I needed a bloody good stretch, which as you will know, stretching can feel like the greatest thing in the world, but no matter how good that stretch feels, you will always want a little more, like you could have stretched yourself a bit bigger, anyway, the stretch this morning was good, and after gently massaging my neck, that is all better now too, but doing so reminded me that I have healing hands (I prefer to call them magic hands on account of all the magic tricks I do), I have always been good at massaging people, and I actually used to love doing it, aside from the fact that it's a legal way of touching up a woman, I actually used to find it soothing and relaxing to the point where I think I enjoyed it more than the recipient, it's like kneading bread or something, I like doing it. So now I've got to find a woman who needs a massage, which, surprisingly enough, isn't as easy as you would imagine, unless it's just me.

Sunday 27th April

Live launch day of the new style Woggzeh's World Blog, (Beta) Like I said in the introduction, please leave a comment telling me your thoughts on the new blog.
Anyway, I think the subject today has to be Aliens!
Last night at about 21:30, I was at Trelly's and we were advised to look out of the window, upon looking out of the window, we saw loads of people looking towards the sky, we ran outside and looked upwards too, and wow! there was this strange orange light zooming across the sky, faster than an aeroplane, and the orange light was continuous unlike the planes lights (which flash), one of the spectators said that there had been about 30 of these lights zipping around the sky earlier but we missed them, now anyone with half a brain would tell you that it was a meteor shower, but I'm telling you that it wasn't! I've seen meteor showers before, hell I see at least one shooting star a month and this didn't look anything like that, so, as there is no other explanation, then I'm telling you that I witnessed a U.F.O (fact) and that U.F.O was piloted by an alien being from outer space (fact), after the alien craft had disappeared behind a cloud we went back in and watched pushing daisy's, has anyone seen that show? it's awesome.
Anyway I've run out of things to say, so that'll do for today.

Toodle Ooh

Woggzeh

PS. Don't forget to comment!

Baby you're a superstar, Lookin like youre goin' far, Do what you want, Why don't you do what you wanna.

2008-04-20T14:55:00.003+01:00

Sunday bloody Sunday.

Well it's arrived again, as regular as clockwork, unless it's a broken clock of course, yes, it's Sunday again, The day that isn't actually any good apart from the fact that I don't work Sundays, although I could technically call writing this blog work, but sometimes I write this on a Saturday or a Friday or any other day of the week and save it for Sunday, as for now, I'm writing this today (Sunday), so how are you all?
Bit of a shit time at the beginning of the week, I was on site on Tuesday (Liverpool Hospital) and working away, when I realised that my dad had been a long time preparing a panel for installation so I went to see what was wrong, When I got to the bench my dad was slouched in the corner of the room, holding his chest, he was white as a sheet and sweating heavily, I tried not to panic and asked him what was wrong, he said he had a really bad pain in his chest, so I asked him questions that I thought were necessary, "are you feeling any numbness?" "do you want me to get help" After what felt like a lifetime waiting for a reply (which never came), I went and got the site foreman and he rushed off to get a nurse, ( I guess it was lucky that we were working in a hospital) The nurse came with other nurses and medical people and a wheelchair and blanket and some machines I think it was a defibrillator or something, but it could have just been the machine that goes 'ping' for all I know, Anyway, they took him away and luckily, by the time he was in the wheelchair, his colour had returned and he was talking again, asking me, "how am I going to get home?" Which in fairness was a good question, but I told him not to worry about that. There was nothing I could do for him, so I set back to work and decided to check on him in an hour, when I found him in the A&E he was sat up in bed with a bloody cup of tea! The doctor told him it wasn't a heart attack and was probably just an inflamed oesophagus (wow I spelled that correctly) which basically means he had a massive attack of indigestion, but the symptoms are the same as a heart attack, Thankfully panic was over and he came back to site a couple of hours later, but definitely something I don't want to experience again.
I spoke to Kristy yesterday, which was lovely, she's having a wikked time in Egypt and seeing things and visiting places that I've never even heard of (Me and Geography don't get on) but I'm glad she's having a great time and showing off speaking Arabic, which is cool but I don't know if she's swearing at me or anything, so stop it!
Last night was a looooooong night, went to Robins to play Mario Kart, which incidentally has become my new nemesis, I used to get a strop on when playing Mario party, but now Mario Kart has taken that mantle, and it's not my fault it's just that the controller wasn't working properly and I've not played it in ages unlike robin who probably plays it every day for like 25 hours, because he's a big stupid stupid head, the game resulted in us hitting each other with pillows because he couldn't handle my brilliantly intelligent insults, but there you go, intelligence 1 brawn 0!
Then after Robs I went back to Trellys house and settled down for a night of Boxing, with Joe Calzaghe having a scrap with Bernard Hopkins scheduled for 3am, it was a good night and the fight wasn't bad either, the result was quite tense as neither of us could call it, I thought Hopkins could have just nicked it and Trelly was already winding himself up that the judges would be biased towards the American, but Calzaghe won the bout and everyone was happy, I left his house at about 4:30 am!
This is something I don't understand about the human anatomy, it's probably just me, but my night cycle went like this:

midnight - doing good
1am - tired
2am - really tired
3am - yawning and ready for sleep
4am - enjoying the fight but hoping it ends soon so I can sleep
5am - Finally in bed and wide awake!!

What the fuck is that about, what was it about the transition of my body from a vertical position to a horizontal position that woke me up? and to make matters worse, I had a 'lob on' now there are times and places for having a rocker (on a bus for example) but when you are desperate to sleep then I don't really want one, besides, I didn't have anything at hand to mop up with.
Anyway with a massive feeling of disappointment that I cant even go to sleep properly, I managed to worry myself asleep that I am a complete failure, I've got a feeling that I'll forget how to blink or breathe soon, I woke up at 9 am, then 10 am, then got up at 11 am, feeling rather refreshed, which was nice.
Villa have just won the derby against Birmingham 5-1 which is fucking amazing, that's 15 goals in 3 games we have scored now, next week we play Everton (Everscum) and if we can get a win there then we will overtake them and be in an automatic UEFA cup spot, so come on Villa.
Got a quick joke for you all:
Bloke goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, every time I masturbate I keep singing, 'marching on together'
The doctor replies, "don't worry, a lot of wankers sing that song"
Yeah yeah, I know, Everyone's a Leeds fan except me, but you've got to laugh, I hope they get some points back, stop every one moaning all the time, but if it was up to me I'd tell them to fuck off and deduct them another 15 points for being so cheeky by appealing.
Well, I think that'll do for this week, I didn't know what to write when I started today's update, but I think I've done alright.
Moff to watch the Snooker.

Woggzeh

Now it's too late to go back home, it's saccharine and silicone, for a broken barbie doll.

2008-04-13T13:00:00.005+01:00

Hey,

Well, I don't really want to write this today, but I need to keep my mind occupied, Kristy has just gone off to Manchester and then she is flying to Egypt, so I'll not see her for a couple of weeks and that's gonna feel like forever, I promised myself that I wouldn't cry, but I failed, also this whole morning has happened exactly like I dreamt it would happen, which isn't what I wanted. Anyway, I hope she has a fantastic time while she is there, and I hope she doesn't forget my sick bags, she's taking her laptop so I can still bombard her with messages of which she will reply when she finds time. She's also taken my story 'A Mask Of Sanity' away with her, so, it'll be interesting to see what she has to say about that, (sorry to all the people who wanted to read it first) Still I don't think it's half as bad as 'How to die in 12 easy hours' Which Jof Liked alot, because it was a bit sick.
So what's been going on? I've been watching the marathon on the telebox and as usual it was a skinny black fella who won it, well done to the lad, I know that I couldn't run a marathon, I get out of breath eating a marathon!
I've started a job in Liverpool, which sucks, the job is alright and I should have it knocked out in about a week, then I don't know where I am going (out of my mind probably).
I spoke to Lee yesterday, and I was also surprised to see that he had updated his blog! first time in about 3 years, so we had a good chat he's fine, everyone is fine but he's picking up an Australian twang, which is expected but I'll have to knock it out of him upon his return. (saying nowt, don't want to ruin the surprise)
Friday night was probably the best night out I've had in years, I was with Kristy ( Please stop asking what's going on there - we are only friends!) but I had a great time and she even let me stay over at her house, which was great and she has a comfy bed too, how far is too far when describing such matters? I don't know, I think I've already said too much.
So my new MP3 player is keeping the walks home from Trelly's less boring but I think there is something wrong with the random song generator as I've got like a million billion songs on there but it seems to play a selection of 30 songs over and over, stupid technology, and to make matters worse, it hasn't played Alisha's Attic 'Push it all aside' once! and I love that song.
Next weekend sees the start of The Snooker World Championships and I'm looking forward to that, I love watching snooker on TV, it's so tranquil and exciting and it never fails to make me fall asleep, honestly, I love it and all, but the quietness is brilliant and I get a right good kip, until I snore and wake myself up.
Pieman has been coming up with some crazy ideas for the 'cool guy' series, I especially like his idea of adding a wig. But we will look into all the ideas, I have passed them on to my script writers and, well, watch this space.
Anyway, I'm going to go and mope around the house, I'm off to play snooker at 2:30 now, as I've nowt better to do today I may as well give Robin a whooping.

Toodle ooh

Woggzeh

don't it feel like sunshine after all, the world we love forever, gone, we're only just as happy, as everyone else seems to be.

2008-04-06T13:29:00.005+01:00

Blimey is it Sunday already?

Well, Jof has been blogging all week with some cracking updates, but nobody likes a show off and we all know which blog you look forward to reading the most, But I'm going to have a word with Sir Jof as he is fast approaching me as the most popular blogger in the world. Now I'm not saying there is anything wrong with second place, I think you should be honoured Jof, but, think about it, do you really want to be in first place? The pressure I am under, the conferences, the world summits I have to attend, because I am the number one blogger in the world, the Queen even reads my blog!
Any way, I think what I am trying to say is, Jof, stop being better than me, I'm jealous.
So, what to do, what to write, I don't have long as I am off to the snooker hall in a bit. So the week has been a bit weird we are coming to the end of our contract in Westmorland and the job has got patchy so we were only in on Tuesday and Thursday, so my drinking wasn't affected too much, hooray.
I went to town on Friday and bought myself an MP3 player it's pretty sweet, it's a Wharfdale and it holds 8GB, that's like 4000 songs, or every song ever released in the 80's!!!! wooohoo
Robin had his knackers played with this week in Birmingham, I'm sure he won't mind me telling the world about it, but he had a benign tumour in his groin which was causing him discomfort so he went to his doctors and they arranged for it to be removed, he says it was a total success and he is in a little bit of pain from the operation but it's understandable, I would probably have lived through the pain rather than let a doctor fiddle about with me 'down there' because I get shy, but, you know, no matter how embarrassing it is you should get it checked out asap. I can't afford to lose any more readers so do it for me.
So I've not really got a lot to tell you this week, I went out last night to Salsa Posada with Kristy and then we went for drinks and then onto a club, we had a great time, and I'm not gonna write too much about it this time because I think I embarrassed her a little bit when I blogged about 'our date' to the cinema. Hopefully, I'll be meeting up with her later on, but I'll still not tell you lot about it!
Todays title is a bit of a nod to Kristy, although I really like this song, (Bullough sent me it ages ago and wouldn't shut up about the band) but Jimmy Eat World are Kristys favourite band, although her favourite song is by the Smiths (I think that's what she said) and her favourite song line is from Pocahontas! Bit fucking random I know, but I'll let her get away with it, cos she hot.
Right well I'm gonna enjoy spring, well the snow! haha, how stupid is that? it's snowing.
Sorry this blog is rubbish again, but I really couldn't be arsed to write anything this week.

Woggzeh

I feel the rain falling on my face, I can say there is no better place, Than standing up in the falling down, In so much rain I could almost drown.

2008-03-29T21:30:00.004Z

Au revoir mon petit pois!

I'm practising French, I can't believe how much I forgot, but it's all flooding back to me now, but that's enough of that as all you need to know in French is 'which way to England?' And if you say anything loud enough in France you usually get what you want anyway.
So I'm at a bit of a loss this weekend because everyone has gone down to Wales for little Ben and Claire's wedding, I didn't go due to reasons I'm not telling you, so fuck off you nosey bastard, But I wish them all the best for their future.
So I've had nowt to do this weekend, Friday night was getting tedious, I had done everything there was to do, check emails, check facebook, look at porn, check facebook, read the news, check facebook, had a wank, checked facebook, so at about 7:30 with only my hand support for conversation, (Can't remember if I told you but I've sprained my thumb and it's not getting better) I phoned Matt to see what he was doing and if he wanted to go out, (I didn't tell him that his options were limited to 'yeah alright')
So we went to town, the rat and parrot was pretty busy but was a bit dull, I don't know why, I blame the company I was with, haha! then we decided to go to Yates' so we walked down the hill to find that it was shut! I don't know why it was shut, probably Matt's fault, so I decided on Monteys I got a Grolsch (I even got to open it myself, which is better than when Kristy worked there, I'm sure she opened my beer to piss me off) then sat down with Matt who spotted a friend and buggered off and chatted to him for the duration of my beer, so that was fun, luckily Monteys always plays cool music to listen to and there was some talent to keep my eye on, we left there (kissing McParty on the way out) and went to spoonies, I really don't get that place, it's cheap which is nice but has as much life in it as a dead cat; at least with a dead cat you can scare girls with it, Spoonies is just dull, they need music, although Matt had a great idea of transforming it into a cool rave venue.
We decided to go back up the hill to Native State, but that was shut too!! Matt's fault again I guess.
So we decided to go to Crabtrees, I've not been there in ages, and nothing has changed, the bar staff are the same and they recognised me too even though I was wearing my comedy beard, the beer in there is really good for some reason, trashy pub/good beer. I saw Donna and Kate and chatted with them, Donna is now a mum and Kate is still 'lost' you have to tell her things twice before they sink in and for someone like me who (without blowing my own trumpet) thinks fast, talks fast and moves on, this can be frustrating but she's quite hot so I'll forgive her, then we went to banyan (dear god) pretentious fucks with pretentious hair and pretentious clothes, with their pretentious friends drinking their pretentious drinks packed into a pretentious pub all being wankers, at least you know where they all are on a Friday night though! Then went back to the rat and parrot and met Kate and Donna again, so we sat and had a few drinks with them, then they suggested we go with them to Flares, which I wasn't too fussed about but Matt (a bit drunk) thought it was the best idea in the world, so we went with them, only to get refused for wearing trainers, so the girls went to the taxi rank where they know people and changed their shoes and got in, I tried to get in again and would have done but Matt was stopped again, So he started being a bit cheeky to the bouncers, I explained that my shoes were orthopaedic and he was a bit sympathetic and told me to bring a doctors note next time, he said he wouldn't let Matt in because of his trainers and I told them that his shoes were orthopaedic too and we were on a therapy night out, needless to say this resulted in us walking home.
Tonight (Saturday) has been a bit boring, Villa got stuffed by Man Utd and I have got a bottle of Jack Daniels but no coke and it's raining so I'm not going out. So I've settled for drinking tea.
I've been reading loads of cool stuff on the net whilst listening to music, music I can remember listening to thus far:

Earth Angel - version from back to the future
Somewhere near Japan - Beach Boys
Girl - Beatles
In my life - Beatles
best of me,- Bryan adams
hearts on fire - John cafferty
thorn in my side - eurythmics
she's a star - James
The world you love- Jimmy Eat World
sun and the rain - madness
monday morning 5:19 - Rialto
they might be giants - birdhouse in your soul
Zoom - fat larrys band
everybodys talkin'- Harry Nilsson
faces in a dream - Hurricane #1
the more you ignore me - Morrissey
Nothing compares 2 U - Sinead o' Connor
Up the junction - squeeze

There are more but I can't be arsed to look at my played list.
I read that James have got a new album out on April 7th called 'Hey Ma' So I'm quite looking forward to that, obviously I'll be buying a copy and not illegally downloading it.
Oh god, 'all time high' by Rita Coolidge has just started playing, it's the theme from Octopussy, I don't remember clicking it, but it's actually a nice song.
So I don't know what tomorrow has planned for me, I might wake up dead for all I know.
Sorry that this blog has been a bit, meh, this week but I've been blogging all week, my writers have gone on strike so I've had to write it all myself.
I got a comment on my last blog from a 'female' that says 'hi, x' which I though was cool then realised that it was from Jof (probably) nice try and thanks for trying. I kind of hoped it was from a real girl I like called, actually I won't say her name! I wish Louise Wener from Sleeper would get back in touch with me, she rocks my socks, lol.
Right I think that'll do for now, it's 22:15 on a Saturday night, I've drained my dregs of tea and I can't be arsed writing any more. Gonna go check facebook and see who owns me now, I keep buying people and then they don't do anything, what's the point?
Have a great Sunday, Speak to you all soon.
Don't forget that Tuesday is April fools day, I'm going to Australia for two weeks, but don't tell Lee as it's a surprise.

Woggzeh

And he's making wine from water, While he dresses like his daughter, And we know that he's a rip off, 'Cos we've seen him with his kit off.

2008-03-27T17:17:00.007Z

Wotcha, just been doing a lot of thinking today.

I've noticed recently that my blogs have become a lot less spiteful and sweary, admittedly, I cut the swearing down a bit because Lee couldn't access Woggzeh's World at college due to a ban on swear words, but I think it's mainly because of girls.
I now know that more girls than boys admit to reading my blog and I think subconsciously I don't want them to know what a vicious little spiteful cunt I really can be, I'd rather them think I'm funny and cool more funny to be honest; besides, you never know, one of the girls might be single, might have a mate who's single, might just want a shag and all that girls seem to look for in a man, is one who can make them laugh anyway! (this fact is bollocks) just try this test: Single girl walks into the pub, and stood at the bar is Johnny Depp (not renowned for his sense of humour) he's got a pint and he's talking to Ken Dodd, now which one are you gonna take home??
"laugh em into bed" is a sentence that gets branded around way too much too, I generally get laughed at IN bed, "Is that it? where's the rest of it, What do you mean it's erect already?" you know, all these things that a man has to go through, just because you like a man who makes you laugh, like when you're in bed with a bird you get all excited and you do what you do, then you hear the dreaded words, 'Is it in yet?' and you almost cry with self pity before putting on the manly voice and say these words, "Is it in yet?? I'm fuckin' done!" Then you roll over and gently cry yourself to sleep, wishing that you'd knocked one out earlier so you could last all of 60 seconds, (personal record).
What I'm asking is, honestly, how much does humour have to do with you choosing a man?
I personally think it has more to do with what they look like for your own bragging rights, so your mates say, 'phwoor', rather than (my category), 'yeah, he's funny/cool/nice' (Is it actually true that women care more about what their friends think about them rather than being happy themselves?)
If anyone has an answer then fucking send it in, because I can't be arsed going to a gym, besides it would probably be dangerous for me (not because of a heart attack, just my little man syndrome would get me in trouble), and if I was at the gym all the time, I'd never get time to write this fucking blog so you can have a laugh, And there we are, "you like me 'cos I'm funny"

Just to clear things up, I'm not in a bad mood or trying to be nasty to all you lovely ladies (single and not single) I'm just bored.

P.S If you fancy a date/drink/ride, or all three, then leave me a message. :-) (females only)

Woggzeh

I never thought it would happen, With me and the girl from Clapham, Out on a windy common, that night I aint forgotten.

2008-03-26T14:48:00.007Z

So what the fuck was Easter all about?

I'm not talking about the religious bollocks that we get rammed down our throats, I'm talking about what does it all amount to nowadays?
I've just had my first day back and as it's the 'Easter holidays' some people aren't back until next week, those who were there, looked as miserable as the weather and all asked the same thing, "now then, did you have a good Easter?" And just to be polite I say, "yeah".
But that's all it has become now, It's not some religious smite campaign any more, it's just an excuse for a few days off work, days which seem to be over before you can blink and are suddenly back at work and the days have become twice as long and you are suddenly more tired than ever before, days off work are a pain in the arse, well, it's not the days off that are a pain in the arse, it's the 'returning to work' bit that is the problem.
Did anybody do anything special over Easter? No!! Well What are you supposed to do apart from drink?
I didn't even realise until Thursday night that it was 'Monday/Thursday' Which I think is an accolade to the four worst days of the working week and you have to pronounce it like you are Jamaican!
Then there is Good Friday, Which I think is an accolade to the worst day in Jesus' life, where the bad guys got the good guy and kicked him senseless and then pegged him to a cross, Where he moaned a bucket about forgiveness, 'forgive them father, for they know not what they have done' (clearly delusional, because they knew full well what they had done, they had just crucified a nut job who talks to himself and says he was talking to God when questioned about his more and more apparent deterioration of his mental health).
Then you have Easter Saturday, Which I think is an accolade to The Worst result in Aston Villa's season (losing 1-0 to Sunderland, AT HOME!!)
Then you have Easter Sunday, which I think is an accolade to the worse gift you can give someone, a chocolate egg, a foodstuff that gives me migraines! And to top it all, they are overpriced, I think Jesus did something clever on Easter Sunday too, but it's inconsequential now as we have moved on 2000 odd years since he fucked about with history.
Then there is Easter Monday, which I think is an accolade to the worst hangover you can have over the Easter weekend.
Everyone (except me) is back to work on the Tuesday, which isn't called Easter Tuesday, it's 'fuck me, the long weekend went quick Tuesday' and you see the same old faces and do the same old things, and ask the same old question, "did you have a nice Easter?" Because you want people to think you care.

Woggzeh

Just for tonight, Just maybe we'll make it, Sing like you want this, Sing like you want this.

2008-03-23T15:52:00.003Z

Currently listening to Ravels "Bolero" Can't really use the lyrics from that as this weeks title, so I've chosen a band that are everywhere at the minute, A band that Bullough probably hates, but fuck him.
Well, I wasn't sure if I should bother doing an update this week/anymore as Sir Jof has blown all competition out of the water with his recent blog update, It's simply perfect, well written and the subject that he's written about is just perfect too, I bow down to you Sir Joffrey, Now keep it up! I would love to write about how I first met Jof, but it would be pretty similar to his blog but not half as good, in fact it would go like this, 'One day, Jof wasn't in my life, then the next day he was' and the sad thing is that I would write that about everyone I know, I don't know when I first met Trelly, or Chris or Bull or any other fucker who I know, I just know you and you are better for it!
So what have I got to say for myself this week? sweet F.A. as usual.
I have done a public information film on being cool, Trelly filmed it and uploaded it onto Facebook, you can check it if you go here: How to be cool
If it doesn't work then fuck it, you'll never be cool anyway.
I suppose I should wish you all a Happy Easter as today is Easter, just in case any of you were wondering why you have lots of chocolate eggs around your person. Unless you are Kristy who bought 500 Easter eggs a couple of months ago when they were on offer at Asda and promptly ate them all!!
There was loads of Police action around Trelly's gaff this week, the Police were doing something at a house for 8 hours on Wednesday, took away a couple of cars on a truck and emptied a house and there were loads of cops about and a really fucking hot one who parked her car right outside Trelly's window, Then last night there were two police cars that had got a group of kids, it was about midnight so I'm guessing they were around ten years old, they didn't get arrested or out but when they were released they just laughed an giggled like it was cool, When I was 10 years old, I would have been crying with fear if the Police stopped me, The only way I would laugh and giggle like them would be if someone mentioned the word, 'fart' and if someone actually farted, then hold me down because I would giggle uncontrollably until milk came out of my nose, even if I hadn't been drinking milk!
Once again I am at pains to try and fill up a decent blog, do you think I should stop doing a weekly update and go back to updating when I can be arsed, or do you sleep better at night knowing that there will be an update every Sunday for you to read?
That'll do for now, apart from telling Lee to stop smoking! who do you think you are?

Woggzeh.

Day man, Fighter of the Night man, Champion of the sun, You’re a master of karate and friendship…for everyone.

2008-03-16T17:00:00.003Z

Good day to you all.

First of all, watch this:

That is a clip from, possibly the funniest show on television, it's called, "It's always sunny in Philadelphia" that particular episode is from a season 3 episode called 'Sweet Dee dates a retarded person'
Really you have to watch it sometime, download it, steal it from the shops or anything, join in the laughter and you'll be a happier person for it.
What to say? what to do?
Sports relief weekend this weekend and I did my bit by watching Top Ground Gear Force (BBC2 Friday) that was hilarious, did you watch it? I'd like to say well done to Kristy, she did a mile run today, I didn't sponsor her, not that it would matter as I only ever sponsor 1p a mile, but regardless of that, she did something for charity and no one else I know did! so well done lass!
This week has been productive, Paul, Trelly and myself have come up with a great idea for a website, (It was mostly my idea, but Trelly came up with the name, Paul added the enthusiasm that Trelly or myself don't possess.) the idea is a website, that covers the UK (to start with) and blokes write a profile of their ex girlfriends, what she's like, what's annoying about her, how much will she take you for, etc etc and then, when another mis-fortunate guy meets her in the pub and arranges a date, he can check the website and find out if she's worth the £9.99 meal for two offer. The name Trelly came out with was, "Is she crazy.com"
The best bit is, you have to sign up and pay to read the profiles, also you can do it the other way too, so the women write profiles about their ex boyfriends, thus doubling our revenue, I have suggested that we get Lee to write most of the profiles as he has been out with most of the women in Harrogate, (most of the men too) Anyway, it's still in our heads as a good idea but no one can be arsed to make it happen, what do you think about the idea?, and no nicking it!!
I phoned Lee last night (£40 a minute to ring him b.t.w) I don't know what I said as I was pissed and had some Wacky baccy too, then I rang up Sir Jof of Reading to see what he was up to, in retrospect it was a bit silly of me as it was about 3am, but he was awake and walking home in the rain, note to anyone here, if you make a phone call at 3am, always start the conversation with, 'Hey mate, I hope I didn't wake you' this way they will think you are very courteous and totally forget that if you had an ounce of courtesy in your body then you wouldn't be phoning them up at 3am, but, as I said, he was awake and he appreciated me ringing as I gave him commentary of my walk home so he could reminisce about the days he used to live in Harrogate, he does miss the place, people, even if you all hate it, Sir Jof loves it, like me.
Anyway, I think I've said enough for this week, Don't forget to check out, It's always sunny... I promise you will love it.

Woggzeh.

P.s H.M.V have an awesome sale on at the moment, I got Superman Returns 2 disc dvd for £3!

To you I guess I'm just a clown, Who picks you up each time you're down, Oh baby.

2008-03-09T13:43:00.003Z

Now then now then then now now then.

How are you all? I wish I had written this blog on Friday because I had loads of things planned to write about and now it's Sunday and the effects of copious amounts of alcohol means that I've got fuck all to say.
I'd like to say hello to Janine, who admitted to reading my blog and even went as far as saying that it's funny and witty, (clearly she is mad) but, regardless, I thank you and I hope you continue to enjoy my ramblings.
It's a big week for couples this week, (after Valentines day, which is for women) this Friday is the men's day, yes, Friday the fourteenth of March is "Steak and a Blow job day" I've made it a link so you can check it out. If you are a couple then it's pretty obvious what is expected of you, if you are single then things are a bit more difficult, however, I have come up with an idea, sometime this week, go up to a girl you quite like (or one with cracking knockers) and invite her for a steak dinner on Friday, don't spoil the surprise now though, keep the BJ bit under your hat for now, because I suggest you tell her that part of the bargain during the meal, Imagine the look of joy on her face, (you old romantic you!) make sure you finish your meal before you let your lady go to work, (do NOT assume to pose of one hand on your hip and the other on the back of your ladies head) it will be a fantastic evening and you know the best part? because it's your day, you can ask for another one straight after! it might cost you another steak but I think it's a small price to pay, (if you are a couple, the female should pay for the steak!)
Good luck everybody.
It's Bullough's birthday on Monday he'll be 28, so I wish you many happy returns, I saw him last night because he came to Harrogate with his missus and we went to Robins to play on his Wii which was fucking ace, I played tennis and was brilliant at it, although it's the most strenuous work out I've done in years, Hannah made loads of food and a really impressive cake of a monkeys head, I didn't eat any because I'm not a fan of cake unless it's space cake, we also watched Rambo that Bradders had brought round, I went back to Trelly's at 2am to watch the boxing, which didn't start until 2:20am and was over in the second round! I went home at around 3am drunk! I was gonna phone Joffers but decided against it, I don't think I phoned anyone, but if I did, then whoops, sorry.
I also feel like I have been aiming this blog towards the ladies over the last month, I put two pictures of me on here so now it's time to re address the balance, I am posting a picture of my new obsession, (I say new, I've been in love with this girl for years) her name is Alexandra Sim-Wise (if anyone wants her picture sets then let me know) and if you look to my list of links you can go to her Myspace page and add her as a friend, I suggest you read her blog too because she is funny as fuck!

Well I shall bid you farewell for this week, good luck on Friday lads.

Woggzeh

I wanna rock and roll all nite and party every day, I wanna rock and roll all nite and party every day,

2008-03-02T12:59:00.002Z

Good afternoon shit stains.

I really must stop playing guitar hero! it's a great game and I'm rubbish at it I've only managed to do one song on the medium setting, which means I am pants at it, If there are any beginners out there, then I suggest you try "Schools Out" or "Rock and Roll all Night" because they are pretty easy.
I'll warn you now there is a bit of toilet humour included in the blog this week, so if you are easily offended, then fuck off now.
Tuesday I was on site and it was the end of the day so I went for a piss, I'm standing at the urinal and another bloke rushes in and goes to the toilet for a shit, I'm just finishing up when I hear the bloke sigh and say, "oh, for fuck's sake" I give out a little guffaw which alerts the man to my presence, I know full well what has happened and was stifling a really big laugh, you know you shouldn't laugh but you are so glad it's not you, you have to laugh! anyway, matey in the bog, realising I am still there, says, "ere mate can you do us a favour?"
"what's that mate?"
"can you get us some bog roll please?"
So I'm sniggering like a mad man and go into the other toilet and grab the bog roll and pass it over to him, that was my good deed for the day, but in retrospect I should have told him to go fuck himself because he should have checked for paper before he sat down!
Wednesday as I'm walking along the corridor with my dad on site when we pass two sparkies working up a ladder when I happen to let off the smelliest fart (an s.b.d) you have ever witnessed, I carry on walking and listen to these two guys blame each other for the smell,
"you shit yourself?"
"fuck off cunt it wasn't me"
"well it wasn't fucking me you smelly fucking cunt"
"fuck off, it wasn't me"

it carried on like that until I turned a corner and told my dad that it was me and then he started laughing because he thought it was one of the sparkies too!
I had a text from Lee this morning, it reads,

"you know when you fart and you feel like you might follow through? well heed the warning, don't 'go for it'"

I love getting texts from Lee, they are usually random and generally funny, cheers me up, so thanks man, but how about a text telling me how you are? or a blog update?
I have been looking around for a counter for this blog, I'd love to know how many visitors a day I get, I'm guessing but I think I may get as many as five people a day reading this, or if everyone left a comment then I would know, but I think I'd want a counter (nowt wrong with comments but you fuckers don't bother commenting) but there are no counters out there to add to my blog, and I bet there is no one out there who could write me some script for one that works!
Well, I'm gonna get off, gotta play snooker in a bit.
Question of the week, "Who do you think about when you masturbate?" (if anyone answers that question, then I bet it's anonymous)

Take care people, have a good week.

Woggzeh

I can't wait for my next drink, The first one is gonna sink, I'm the last of the big time drinkers.

2008-02-25T17:27:00.002Z

Just a quickie (I spelled quiche)

My disciplinary hearing today was brilliant! honestly, I don't think I could have come out looking any better, I wouldn't be surprised if I get a knighthood, The bloke isn't pressing charges, he wasn't even supposed to be on our site, he is working on a different contract elsewhere in the building that I was working on a few weeks ago, he's now banned from site, he's been reported to his company, because he's not insured to be on our site. I'm still on a final warning but everyone was on my side, including the builder from the other site who admitted (off record) that the pipe fitter is a twat and would like to hit him himself.
Oh and I can even submit a bill for the time I lost during the disciplinary, although I doubt they will pay it and it may have been said in jest.

I would like to apologise to everyone I snapped at this weekend, I know Saturday's blog made light of it, but I've had it niggling in my head all weekend and on Sunday I was going out of my mind with stress and worry, so I've been a little bit out of character, but I'm glad to say it's over and I had nowt to worry about.
Sorry again folks.

Woggzeh.

Aruba, Jamaica ooo I wanna take ya, Bermuda, Bahama come on pretty mama, Key Largo, Montego baby why don't we go, Jamaica off the Florida keys....

2008-02-23T12:31:00.005Z

Now then people of the world, I'm a day early this week.

This picture is to prove to you that I do work safely sometimes, please note the Hard hat, high viz vest, safety boots, safety goggles and the safety beard, the tower is erected properly too!
This picture was taken about an hour before my day turned into a nightmare and ended up with me getting a verbal warning, a possible assault charge and a disciplinary hearing on Monday morning. I should explain that this is because the pipe fitter on site had been pissing me off for two days and it all got to me when he slagged off my work and called me a liar so I belted him, repeatedly, I'm not proud of it, but shit happens, it's not my first disciplinary and I doubt it'll be my last.
Changing the tone. I'd like to embed this video, (more for my sake than yours)

It's a piece of music called Recuerdos de la Alhambra (Memoirs of the Alhambra) and I think it is fantastic, the guitar playing is breathtaking and the musician is playing a ten string guitar, which I wasn't aware existed, the tremolo action is mind blowing (also check out in the background some guy tapping his foot like he's at a pop concert), the part that I love is around 1 minute 10 seconds in where the music is.... I can't explain it, it makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand up, powerful stuff, not as powerful as Chopin (which always gets me blubbing like a little girl) but it is brilliant, there are also videos on Youtube where a woman plays this piece of music, I mean a bloody woman can do it! unbelievable, they'll be allowed to vote next.
Well I think that will do for this week, take care people.

Woggzeh

I don't know why the video has embedded twice, I can't seem to change it either as the coding isn't showing up in the create post page. Sorry peeps.

We were friends that was as far as it went. I used to walk you home sometimes but it meant, oh it meant nothing to you, 'cos you were so popular.

2008-02-17T12:45:00.005Z

Now then.

Been a shitty week really, what with the disappointment of Valentines day and all that jazz, I've been at the bottom of a bottle since, attempting to consume as much alcohol as humanly possible and then some.....(before you ask, it's my fault this time and we're still friends)
But I do have something rather amusing to tell you.
I got up the other morning at about 5am to go to work and I couldn't find any pants, it was early and I wanted to still be asleep, I eventually found a pair of boxers and put them on thinking they were a bit tight, then realising that I had managed to get my leg through a hole in them that appeared between the leg holes (the gusset bit? I dunno) effectively looking like I had three leg holes, but I thought fuck it and wore them anyway, then got dressed for work, I get to work, shimmy up the scaffold, over stretch then felt an amazingly cold draft as I realise that my Jeans have split in the same place as my Boxers were split and everything I had tucked into them was now dangling down through the hole, "oh fuck" I cried, "don't look up" I said to my dad, who then immediately looked up and started laughing, I had to gingerly retain my modesty and climb down from the scaffold, I had to go get some duct tape and head off to the toilets and do a rather crude repair job on my jeans, which worked but was extremely uncomfortable for the rest of the day, needless to say the offending articles of clothing were promptly thrown into the bin when I got home, because if I hadn't then I could guarantee you that I'd pick them up again in the future without realising. Which suggests to me that a lesson should be learned from this, if your day goes wrong within minutes of getting up, then I suggest you phone in sick and go back to bed because the day isn't going to get much better.

I've added a link to my link bit on the side because Ed Clews, ( a lad I know from school) is drawing a picture a day for a year, they're quite good so take a butchers.

Just got off the phone to my sister and Abigail (Niece) has started walking unaided so that's good news, she's nearly thirteen months old, so it's about time, I was walking at 11 months, but not everyone is a good as me. Well done Abby, Uncle Wogg is proud of ya.

Maybe, maybe it's the clothes we wear, The tasteless bracelets and the dye in our hair, Maybe it's our kookiness.

2008-02-10T13:32:00.000Z

Happy Sunday blog fans.

Well here we are again, it's Sunday and I have to sit and write this blog before I get complaints, literally one's of people will complain!
Well, it's been one of those weeks where I've not had much to gripe about and it's all been quite good, so I don't know what to tell you, I've just finished a job in Manchester which was ok, it was a library and I've never worked on a library before but a job is the same as any other, I've actually got a picture that my dad took on his phone, but I'll have to post it later, I want it up because it's a two fingered salute to the health and safety brigade who do your fucking nut in sometimes, I'm all for Health and Safety but it's really getting stupid and so, to counter balance the rule makers stupidity, I will also be stupid, actually, I think I'm gonna come off worse there, but we shall see..
I played snooker yesterday with Robin, first time in about a month and it showed! couldn't pot a bloody thing, I still managed to win 1-1 (it's a win to me), I also have a bit of sad news to tell people, (Jof get some tissues) I've sold my baby...yes, my Les Paul has been sold to Robin, I needed some moolah and Robin wanted a guitar, I've got first refusal on it if he decides to get rid, but I don't think he will, he's going to get some lessons and try to bring her to her former glory, which is what I want, I want her to be played and loved, not stuck in a corner (which is the way I've kept her), so hopefully Robin will be the next Collywog of guitars.
Speaking of Robin and Guitars, Matt (Robs flat mate and lover, haha, kidding) bought the game Guitar Hero, where you have to play along to the screen and hit buttons on the guitar controller and flap a paddle like you are strumming, yeah I know what you are thinking because I thought the same thing, but it's actually quite fun, it's pretty tricky but once you get the rhythm right it's pretty good, I totally rocked ''School's out'' but Matt must have been playing it 24/7 because he's fucking amazing at it! knob head!
Got a job at Westmoreland hospital next week, which is cool because it's the same journey as we take to Coniston only when we get to the roundabout at the end of the A65 to join the M6 and go camping, we turn right and go to work, booooo, but it's not far away and we could be there for a while as it's a massive contract.
I missed out on pancake day this week, I was gutted, I didn't even realise it was pancake day until I was eating my tea and watching the local news and they mentioned that pancake races had been cancelled because of health and safety fears, which, I think you'll agree is stupid, but it does round things off nicely for this weeks blog.

No hard hat, no hi viz vest, no tops on the scaffold...I'm a little bugger.

I'm pushing an elephant up the stairs, I'm tossing up punch lines that were never there, Over my shoulder a piano falls, crashing to the ground.

2008-02-04T18:06:00.000Z

Now then Blog fans,

I just wanted to apologise for yesterdays blog, I was having a really shitty day and so I got myself really depressed, I'll try not to let it happen again, all is well now, Lee got bitten by a spider in Australia, which probably sounds worse than it is, but, when you live in a sweetshop, you're gonna eat some sweets. (Or something).

Laters.

Woggzeh

Oh yeah, that's what I was gonna say, did anyone, when they were a kid, watch Top Of the Pops with subtitles on, so you could learn the words to the songs?
I was reminded of this the other night when I heard the Elton John song, "Sacrifice", imagine my disappointment when I read that the lyrics go, "cold cold heart", when I'd actually been singing, "co-co-pops"

Catch you next Sunday!

She's so lovely, she's so lovely she's so lovely, she's so lovely.

2008-02-03T15:32:00.000Z

Now then,
I can't be arsed doing an update but the family have come round and I'm almost suicidal with boredom and hatred that I used the excuse 'blog update' to get away from them, I'm not normally a callous hateful, spiteful person, I'm really not, it's just that my family love to remind me what a fucking waste of life I turned out to be, and to be honest, the way things are in my life at the moment, I really don't need the sneering reminder.
So apart from everything being shit, all is good, ha!
I'm working hard, which is fine but we keep turning up to jobs that arn't ready and then the company refuses to pay us for the wasted day which means that I will be taking a trip to Swansea very soon and stabbing the MD! or travel to Leeds to kill his stuck up student daughter, either way, he needs to be taught a lesson. As you can probably tell, I'm not complementary today. I'm being miserable, I'm gonna try change the mood.
I'm sure you would like an update on Kristy, she's great, I have managed to get my messaging her down to a ratio of 500:1 (on a daily basis) but you know me, I could fuck up an omelette, so I'll probably end up with her hating me, but, as it is at the moment, we are messaging a lot and I was even round her place the other day, I met her house mates who are nice, and that was probably the highlight of my week. I'm happy being friends if that's all she wants...but never say never :-)
I really don't know what to write here, I watched Charlie Wilson's War last night and it was ok, a bit slow so it's up to you if you see it.

Woggzeh.

Gold, Always believe in your soul, You've got the power to know, You're indestructable, Always believe in,because you are, Gold

2008-01-27T10:45:00.000Z

Now then my favourite people in the world united under one blog.

I actually have an update for you, I've actually done something different...I actually had a date...with a girl!
Her name is Kristy and I've been messaging her for a while now and I guess she gave up and agreed to meet me, so we were supposed to go out on Friday night but that was cancelled so we agreed on Saturday night instead, 7pm in the pub, I arrived at 6:45 (because I'm an idiot) and my heart was pounding I was so nervous, I managed to get a seat where I could see the football so that took my mind off things in between checking my watch every thirty seconds, then at 7pm on the dot, she arrived and suddenly I felt at ease and I bought her a drink and then did my usual stupid thing of talking about nothing, I had the jitters again, and I was sure she was going to figure out that I'm an idiot and walk away but she didn't, and we had a few drinks and then went to the cinema to see Sweeny Todd, twas quite good actually, I really wanted to do that thing of stretching and putting my arm round her but decided against it, the film ended and we went to the rat and parrot and had more drinks and more talking and I just couldn't stop myself staring into her eyes, they are unbelievable to look at, I'm sure this might have been annoying to Kristy but I couldn't help it, then we walked home, and I held her hand (massive grin as I write about it) I walked her to her door and had a little kiss and cuddle and then I went home, I actually floated home with my head in the clouds, it was lovely, I hope I didn't make a complete idiot of myself and I really want to see her again, So, as she reads this blog, I would like to ask you out again Kristy, preferably soon, and I'll be less nervous and more relaxed.
In other news, my niece, Abigail, has turned one, I can't believe a year has passed since her birth but it has, and so today I am going to a birthday party, I only hope we have cake!
Work is hard and I'm in Liverpool for a few more days then I have a job in Preston to start.
I hope you are all well. Take care

(A very smitten) Woggzeh.

Happy Birthday to me, Happy Birthday to me, Happy Birthday to Woggzeh's World, Happy Birthday to me.

2008-01-13T17:47:00.000Z

Yes, people, the 14th of January is Woggzeh's World's 2nd birthday. Some said it wouldn't last, some wished it hadn't, but alas it's still here and still going strong.
Of the 24 million readers this blog got when I first started, we lost a few million in the first month alone, gradually evening out at around 17 million readers , then due to no reason I can think of the figures plummeted to a mere 5 million, so I sacked the editor and came up with new ways of making the blog more 'fun' and 'hip' and 'in tune with today's society', once I had all those three worked out, I immediately ignored them and reverted back to my old ways and, well, the figures tell the story, we now get around 30 million regular readers, however over Christmas and New year (presumably because people had more time to read my blog) we tipped the scale at 1.5 Billion readers, So no pressure there then, I would like to thank everyone who reads this blog, I'll try to keep it up to date and I'm also considering selling out and putting up advertising to make me some pennies, I'll leave it to you, should I advertise on this blog? will you click the adverts when you visit, I would like to call it payment for the good service I provide to you, but after all, this blog is as much yours as it is mine, so tell me what you think.
So what have I been doing?
Well I'm slowly coming down from when Noel Gallagher saw me, and I've played Snooker today, first time since last year and it wasn't great, although we did manage to play three games in an hour, which is fast for us, because we are usually shit, I won 2-1.
Facebook has taken up a lot of my time because I was bored and so I went through everyone's profile and shut down all the boring applications you have on there such as, 'how stupid is my dog' and 'guess my pin number' applications that looked like fun when you were sent them and so you installed it and then annoyed all your friends by sending the application on to them, Well, I've shut it down on your page, so all I see is the necessary details, (books you've lied about reading, films you said you liked because they are supposed to be hip etc etc) and your wall, not the stupid super wall, the super dooper wall or the wailing wall, just your general run of the mill wall, so I can read what your friends really think about you before you delete it.
I managed to get a laptop that had been thrown in the bin to work a bit and so I took it round to Trelly's because he's clever with things like that and I knew he'd get it going, unfortunately, it's turned into a bit of a nightmare and now I'm scared of speaking to him in case he follows through with his suggestion of where I should put the 'bloody thing' (joking), however, where as you or me would have given up, he is a man possessed, so it will be working one day, I just dare not ask when. So all in all, thank you Trelly I really do appreciate your efforts.
I think that'll do for now, if anybody has 2 laptop size hard drives about 10mm, (Trel knows the specifics) then can you let me know, 'cos I'm after two of them to get two more laptops up and running, oh yeah, I might need a caddy too.
Anyway, moff now, got a job to start in Liverpool tomorrow so that'll be rubbish.

take care, enjoy my birthday celebrations.

Woggzeh

January, sick and tired, you've been hanging on me, You make me sad with your eyes, You're telling me lies, Don't go, don't go.

2008-01-03T13:23:00.000Z

Happy new year people.

So here we are in 2008, I feel like I've not blogged since last year! so here we go first blog of the year.
Christmas was fun, I actually got loads of stuff that I wanted to receive, including the books I mentioned to my mum months ago, I thought she would have forgotten all about them, but she came up with the goods. most of Christmas was spent laughing at my niece Abby, she managed to get more presents than I've ever received in my life! never mind, she loved playing with all her toys and wasn't the least bit interested in the paper and boxes, she actually wanted the toys, which was cool, except most of them were noisy and had repetitive tunes and that did my nut by the end of the day!
The rest of the week was a sombre affair, Chris Barker was back in town and I had a good drink with him, he's good and well.
New year was spent in Edinburgh and although the night afore party and princess street celebration weren't as good as the others I had been on, the whole two days was the best ever because I walked past Noel Gallagher in the street! hold on, I don't think you quite got my excitement there, I WALKED PAST NOEL 'FUCKING' GALLAGHER IN THE STREET, I could have touched him, I could have done anything and me being me decided to take this opportunity to meet my hero and so I stopped in my tracks inhaled like I was having a heart attack and wheezed the words, "that's Noel Gallagher" as he walked straight past me and on his way towards George Street, I was amazed, I grabbed my phone and texted everyone, I rang Jof and he was excited for me as well, there was a lot of excitement built up in that phone call, he was in the car with his brother going to a party, I have recently read in an interview with Noel Gallagher that he had an amazing new year, playing with Kasabian in Edinburgh but the icing on the cake for him, was when he walked past his favourite blogger Woggzeh on the street, he said he was so excited he couldn't bring himself to stop, so he just kept walking! his words not mine, all absolutely true*
in fairness, my excitement was very childish, but fuck it, how often do you walk past a Rock legend, a man who will be in the history books long after I'm dead!
The rest of Edinburgh was fun, I would just like to make a little note remembering the first night in the travel lodge where five of us sat up drinking in the bar, that was a brilliant conversation, and should never be repeated, but those who were there will know how funny it was.
so Dec 31st and we were all herded into princess street like cattle, we stupidly headed our way right to the middle of the 100.000 strong crown and then got stuck, it took Paul 40 minutes to go for a piss! midnight came and the fireworks were great apart from the smoke which meant you couldn't see them. then we went in search of a pub (same idea as 100.000 other people) somewhere along our jaunt it was decided to go back to the travel lodge bar as it was open till 4am, it was there that I partook in the (now) traditional 'phoning of the Jof' and had a chat with him, he rings me or I ring him, just depends who gets through first.
The journey home was as boring as ever, the A1 is a shit road it's mundane and I hate it, I've done it way too many times.
I've not bothered with a new years resolution because it's stupid, I can take up a resolution any time, I don't need to be bullied into going on a diet by fat greasy fucks just because it's January.
There's a bit of snow today, which is nice, Roll on February.

All the best for 2008

Woggzeh.

*may not be true

You scumbag, you maggot, You cheap lousy faggot, Happy christmas your arse, I pray God it's our last.

2007-12-20T18:53:00.000Z

Well Merry Christmas one and all, here is your card, click it!

I have now finished work and am not back until next year, horrah!
I've got Sciatica in my lower back which is giving me a bit of grief but I'll battle on.
Well it's time for the Woggzeh 2007 Christmas awards, they are like any award ceremony except you don't win anything and you don't have a say, although I can make up a phone line for you to phone and waste your money as that has been a big issue this year.
so without further ado, lets roll out the red carpet and get on with 'stuff I've liked this year and decided to have an awards show just to fill out my blog'.

Best Independent Blog 2007

For me it has to be Arrow Towers Which is loving updated by Jof when he is bothered, it is a shame he doesn't do it weekly but then that would become a chore and not have the fun of his general attitude to his blog, a particularly good update was his "day in the life" update which is set on Tuesday October the 30th, a good idea and I really enjoyed it, I prefer visual stuff to reading.
Apologies to Lee and Bullough, your blogs are still good and I would be lost without them, you two are fair runners up.

Best Blog of the year 2007

I hae to award this to Charlie Brookers 'Comment is Free' it is a very cynical look at stuff through the eyes of a man who appears to hate everything. I suggest you give it a read, it's updated every Monday and it's a joy to read, close second or me is Charlie Brookers Screenburn, which is his reviews on tv programmes it's like the newspaper version of his tv show Screenwipe.

I realise that is two blog awards and I gave Charlie Brooker the best blog of the year because he gets paid for doing it therefore, I couldn't enter it into the independent blog of the year catagory.

Pornstar of the year 2007

I'm giving this to Eva Angelina, She is great and wins the award because I discovered her before she had a boob job and fucked up her lovely breasts, still, I'm sure I'll be keeping an eye on her career in the future.

Best television Comedy programme of the year 2007

I'd like to give this award to Not Going Out because it has been consistently funny for two series now and I can't wait for the third series to start.

Best Television Drama of the year 2007

Got to go to Spooks, this series has been brilliant with plenty of fantastic twists and turns to keep everyone guessing annoyingly it has ended on a cliffhanger where everyone thinks that Adam has killed the girl (but I know that she has only fainted), hurry up 2008 and get back on our screens.

Best Hide and Seek player of the year 2007

I'm not going for the obvious joke......

Best television quiz show of the year 2007

Not really a surprise winner this year as I always rave about it, it's QI with Stephen Fry and Alan Davis as the regulars every week, it's cracking and deservers this award very much.

Well I'm bored of doing the awards now, so we shall take a break from all that rubbish as I have to go out now, I hope you noticed that all the links are clickable.

Merry Christmas again, take care, see you soon.

Woggzeh