Woggzeh's World

Hello people of the world,
Well let me explain to you what is going on here, I had a meeting with the shareholders of Woggzeh's World Blog and we decided that a change might be necessary to keep up with demand, now this change could be permanent or it could be temporary, it's all down to you, I want you to read this blog and leave a comment, telling me whether you prefer the old version, where I sit down on a Sunday and summarise the whole week, generally talking about work and all the stuff I do which got a bit 'samey' or I can write like I have done here, where I just write down my thoughts each day and post them all on Sunday for you to enjoy, now this will be harder for me, as I will be in demand to write daily for you, but I can manage that, the thing is, it will be less about me and what I am doing, So I'll leave it to you, have a read, Please leave a comment, your feedback is important, there is a third option and that is to cancel the blog...

Monday 21st April

I went into one of my stupid heads today and decided to figure out how they get all the white tarmac lines so perfect and in line on our roads, just look at it next time you are on the road, it's pretty impressive, but then I realised I was being silly, because, (Like all good facts, I've made this one up) the fact of the matter is, Tarmac is naturally white and the manufacturers have to add a black dye to the mixture so that it can be seen during the day!

Tuesday 22nd April

You know when you see a dog running up to you and it's one of those dogs that you are sure is on the banned register? well that happened to me today, and I don't know if you know much about me, but as much as I love animals, animals don't share the same enthusiasm with me, basically, all animals try to bite me.
Well today this pit bull viper thing came running over to me from nowhere, big smile on it's muzzle-less face, I thought it looked like a crazed rabid dog that could take down a horse and run off with it, naturally I stood back as it circled round my petrified body like a vulture waiting for it's prey, I tried to look calm and cool, but I know I failed.
The dogs owner appeared out of the same nowhere that the dog appeared from and she was a weird looking woman (why are weird looking woman all weird looking?) she was laughing and grabbed the dog and looked at me (through her one good eye, lol) and said, "He can smell your fear" I just looked her and nodded while thinking to myself, 'I bet he can smell my fear!, I bet you can smell it too as well as everyone within 100 metres of me can smell my fear because my fear smells distinctly like shit!'
Anyway, the rabid dog didn't bite me this time, but it did lick my hand, it was probably tasting me to see if I was worth ripping to shreds for the shits and giggles.
Anyway the strange woman took her strange dog and walked away, and I lived to fight another day, although if I see the dog tomorrow then I will know that I tasted good and the dog wants to finish it's meal.

Wednesday 23rd April

Happy St Georges Day! It was nice to read that Morley is the most patriotic place in England, They had a big celebration and a parade and all that jazz, I think we should celebrate St Georges Day more, After all, we are British are we not? Although we must remember not to upset the ethnic minorities (I think they are majority now) otherwise they might fuck off back to their own country and stop sponging off us.
Who here has grey hairs? go on, be honest, all us twenty some things are now officially old and it's doing my head in, I remember that Chris has had grey hairs since he was about 5 but as he is only just starting puberty in his mid twenties, then I will just put that down to Chris being awkward.
But with me, as there is little on top, my comedy beard takes most of the abuse from advancing grey hairs, I am constantly at pains (and in pain) just standing in front of the bathroom mirror tugging these unsightly greys hairs out of my chinny chin chin, which hurts, and even sometimes you get a stubborn fucker, who has anchored himself to the back of my head and I find myself nodding to myself in the mirror as the hair refuses to budge and pulls my head down to my chest.
I wouldn't mind the grey hairs too much if it was just one or two, but it's getting to the point where there is real danger of me losing my youthful good looks, which I do worry about!
Anyway, I'm not shaving the beard off, so I'm thinking that my only option now is to go to the chemist and buy some 'Just For Men' unless, of course, you can suggest something different.

Thursday 24th April

I don't know why I watch Eggheads while I eat my tea, it riles me up something rotten that I just want to puke all over my screen with disgust at the people on the show, I hate everything about it, and yet, here I am, night after night, tuning in and getting myself in a right state over a stupid game show!
Firstly there are the 'Eggheads' a collection of boring fuckwits, who happen to know a few things:

Kevin - He's the intelligent one out of the lot, and in fairness the only one I would like to see in a pub and have a beer with, without him, the whole show would be called 'Shitheads'
Chris - Fat, boring and knows fuck all about answering a question with an answer, this guy has to give you the life history of the answer before he reveals that he knows it!
Daphne - Old woman, usually gets eliminated, probably someone's granny, probably a nice person.
Judith - Millionaire winner, thick as pig shit, usually the first Egghead to be eliminated.
CJ - The most disgusting creation to walk the earth is allowed on television, this smug fucking poof (and I'm not homophobic, I can't describe him any other way, you try it...see, not easy is it) he is the reason I hate Eggheads, the show would be all right to watch if it wasn't for him, I can't stand him, and I'm yet to meet anyone who does like him, he's a fucking toss pot, and what has he ever done? he won Brainteaser on Ch5! my fucking dog could win that joke of a show.
Then there is Dermot Murnaghan, (who has a silly name to spell) he lives so far up the backsides of the Eggheads I'm surprised that he is no longer just a pair of feet dangling from Chris's gigantic arse, He is a twat too, he asks the contestants if they want to go first or second, which is fair enough, but it doesn't matter what you say because you are going to get the hard set of questions anyway, God forbid the public realise that the Eggheads don't know everything, I wouldn't mind wagering that the Eggheads already know the answers!
I'm going to stop watching this show in future, it annoys me, but first I want to see the look on CJs face when the rest of the Eggheads turn on him and say, "fuck off you annoying cunt".

Friday 25th April

Rabbits are a stupid animal, They look cute and fluffy and they breed like..well..er.. rabbits but they are just so stupid, everyday on my route to work, I see dozens of them squashed into the tarmac, Well, today was our turn to add to the number of rabbits killed on the road in any one day, the bloody thing just came out of the grass and legged it across the road but before it made it, I felt a bump under the wheel of our van, I guess if it hadn't been a baby rabbit then it probably would have made it, but alas, there it was, flat on the road with bits of it still spinning round on our tyre, I will admit I felt a little bad at first, but these things happen and it's not like we've just destroyed a whole species, because by this time tomorrow there will be another 700 rabbits to replace that dead one.

Saturday 26th April

I woke up this morning with a right old crick in my neck and a general feeling in my back that I needed a bloody good stretch, which as you will know, stretching can feel like the greatest thing in the world, but no matter how good that stretch feels, you will always want a little more, like you could have stretched yourself a bit bigger, anyway, the stretch this morning was good, and after gently massaging my neck, that is all better now too, but doing so reminded me that I have healing hands (I prefer to call them magic hands on account of all the magic tricks I do), I have always been good at massaging people, and I actually used to love doing it, aside from the fact that it's a legal way of touching up a woman, I actually used to find it soothing and relaxing to the point where I think I enjoyed it more than the recipient, it's like kneading bread or something, I like doing it. So now I've got to find a woman who needs a massage, which, surprisingly enough, isn't as easy as you would imagine, unless it's just me.

Sunday 27th April

Live launch day of the new style Woggzeh's World Blog, (Beta) Like I said in the introduction, please leave a comment telling me your thoughts on the new blog.
Anyway, I think the subject today has to be Aliens!
Last night at about 21:30, I was at Trelly's and we were advised to look out of the window, upon looking out of the window, we saw loads of people looking towards the sky, we ran outside and looked upwards too, and wow! there was this strange orange light zooming across the sky, faster than an aeroplane, and the orange light was continuous unlike the planes lights (which flash), one of the spectators said that there had been about 30 of these lights zipping around the sky earlier but we missed them, now anyone with half a brain would tell you that it was a meteor shower, but I'm telling you that it wasn't! I've seen meteor showers before, hell I see at least one shooting star a month and this didn't look anything like that, so, as there is no other explanation, then I'm telling you that I witnessed a U.F.O (fact) and that U.F.O was piloted by an alien being from outer space (fact), after the alien craft had disappeared behind a cloud we went back in and watched pushing daisy's, has anyone seen that show? it's awesome.
Anyway I've run out of things to say, so that'll do for today.

Toodle Ooh

Woggzeh

PS. Don't forget to comment!