Woggzeh's World

Let me tell you about something that has been playing on my mind for a while now, and last night I had a terrible nightmare about it too, it's set 21st September 1997, ten years ago. It's absolutely true too.

I had been practising my guitar, I remember this because I had learnt how to play 'fool on the hill' by the Beatles, it was probably the easiest song to learn in the book that I had, and I hadn't been playing guitar for long by then so I was looking for easy things to play, I had my tea then went out at about 6:30 to see if Rob Newburn was coming out, we played some football then at about 7:15 we decided to go to Spar, I knew that Lisa Brown would be working so we set off to see her, flirt and buy some sweets, I can even remember the conversation we had with her, she got in a bad mood so Rob and myself left not long after going to see her, walking along Skipton road we pass the esso station and notice some commotion on the forecourt, a woman was screaming at some bloke to stay back, she had something in her hand and she was piss wet through, head to toe, it was Rob that slowed down to see what was going on as this woman picked up a petrol pump and tried to douse herself with more petrol, only a trickle came out of the pump because the lady in the shop had turned them all off.
Realising that we weren't in a safe place, I suggested that we cross the road and sit on the wall where Norweb was and see how this turns out, we could hear her screaming but couldn't work out what she was saying, she had three men by this time trying to calm her down but she was keeping her distance and holding a lighter in her hand, she ran away from the men and was at the front of the forecourt by the road, it was then she flicked the lighter and was engulfed in a huge ball of flames, I remember the image so well, her arms shot up above her head and then she ran forwards a few steps, just a blazing fireball and then fell over, Rob and me stood up and didn't know what to do, I remember a man run across the road to help, it turned out that that man was an off duty fireman, although I don't know what he could have done to help, people were throwing their coats on the woman trying to extinguish the flames, I couldn't see properly because there is a wall in the way, then the fire engines turned up, We left the scene in absolute shock, I don't even know why we left, we just decided it was best to go.
I never had any nightmares about it, my parents were worried that I might be traumatised, but I was always fine, I didn't mind talking about the story and always managed to make a joke about it, which was my way of dealing with bad situations. I later found out that the woman died in Pinderfields hospital from her injuries, she never recovered from the coma, it was her second attempt at suicide and she was a regular in the priory unit, she was also a very nice woman who was an exceptional artist.
It's not until now, ten years on that I can admit, the whole incident scared the shit out of me, I am writing about this because I don't think I will ever forget that day and I don't think I ever should, it always saddens me a little bit when I think about it, it didn't traumatise me I carried on my normal life, I'm just amazed that it's been ten years that have gone by so fast.

Howdy people

I thought I'd lay a big surprise update on you, however the idea of a surprise is slowly becoming less of a fun thing and more of a nightmare for me because I don't know what to write, after all it's only been a week since my last update, so I'll start from there.
After finishing my update I went to asda for some supplies, I got all the stuff I needed and went to the checkout, said hello to the lady behind the checkout and pack my bags as she scanned my goods then she told me how much she wanted and I put my hand into my pocket, and to my horror I didn't have any money on me, never mind it's not that bad, I'll pay by card, so I put my hand into my other pocket and I didn't have my cards with me either, I then started mumbling and going red whilst checking for pockets on my jeans I know I don't have before having to look the lady in the eye and tell her I had forgotten all my money, that I was very sorry and this was so embarrassing, she had to call the manager lady and I tell you now, if a hole appeared in the ground then I would have thrown myself down it, the manager lady was very nice and seemed understanding, I guess they get idiots in asda all the time, I was merely a statistic. She offered to look after my shopping whilst I go home and get my money and go back, I explained that I was walking and the round journey for a lazy bastard like me would take forever, ( I must mention in my defence that my legs were really hurting due to shin splints, which sometimes get so painful it makes me cry), so I left asda with my head to my chest trying not to look at anyone because my paranoia set in and I assumed that everyone in asda must know by now that I was the dick with no money. I returned to asda the next day with Trelly and got my stuff and paid in hard cash that I withdrew from the machine, I wasn't taking any chances of my card being rejected.
My parents got back from holiday on Saturday and they had a great time, thanks for asking, they got me a 1L bottle of Jack Daniels for looking after the dog, which I will keep until Christmas day then neck the lot after a bottle of red wine and a few lagers.
Last night I watched the film 1408, it was pretty creepy but I was a bit disappointed with the ending, but never mind, I suggest you give it a looksie.
I'm also super excited because Prison Break season 3 has started, I saw episode 1 the other day and it was a cool as ever, I'm not going to spoil it for everyone because I know Bullough hasn't seen it but it's awesome and one of the major characters dies in episode 1! (or does he/she?)
Sausage casserole for my tea tonight, so I might go get that prepped in a minute because I haven't really got much more to tell you, hope the update is sufficient, if not unexpected, this Friday (21st) is Lee's birthday, so happy birthday to you sir. Then 8 days later (29th) it's Trelly's birthday, so happy birthday to you too. I suppose there's no need to make a fuss, so I wont.

All the best.

Woggzeh.

Edit: I have been informed by Dave that it is also Hannah's birthday on the 21st, so many happy returns to you , I hope you have a good day.

Hello my faithful readers.

I thought I'd give you a short update of yesterday, It was quite possibly the most frustrating day of my life, So annoying in fact that I can't actually remember most of it. I'll merely highlight some of the low points.
I went to the snooker hall and couldn't pot a fucking ball, it was like I had become a imbecile overnight, I managed a break of 9! I know that's not that annoying to you but for me it was almost clobbering time! I was fuming, so I went home made myself a cup of tea and put some biscuits in a bowl, I would have put them on a plate but I'd put them all away and the bowl was handy, fuck off, it doesn't matter anyway, the point is, I got some biscuits. So I sit on the sofa with my feet up watching something on tv, (I think it was catchphrase) and I'm dunking my biccies into me brew, then I go to take a slurp of drink and the fucking mug falls away from the handle, covering my clean shirt and jeans in hot tea and the fucking bowl full of biscuits gets flooded with tea, I jump up and get my shirt off because I was burning, I think I may have said a few swearwords too, I get a cloth and go clean up the mess, by which time all my biscuits are fucked too! I then go to the tumble dryer and get a new clean shirt out but in my absent mindedness, I opened the freezer and totally forgot what I was doing in the kitchen, I knew I didn't need anything from the freezer but I couldn't for the life of me work out why I was standing in front of the freezer with no shirt on and wearing wet jeans.
I'm sure something else happened later on too, but I can't remember what it was, probably something to do with the dog only going for a shit when there's a fucking audience walking by, I'm not kidding, I took the fucking thing out 4 times the other day and she didn't do anything, we didn't see another person either, but on the fifth time of taking her out we see no one, then a family of four walk down the ginnel followed by two teenage lads, suddenly the dog needs to have a fucking shit! so there she squats and crimps one out while these people walk by, I was so embarrassed, it's the same when taking her out at 2am, I can walk her round the streets, every house on the street is asleep, all the lights are out and the dog can crap wherever it wants, however, if you have one fucking house with the light on and the owner looking out of his window, then guess which house the fucking dog will choose to shit in front of! I tell you, I fucking hate dogs.
Well that'll do for now, gonna go to the snooker hall for an hour, then going to Asda and Fultons for some supplies.

see ya later people.

Woggzeh

I say, a September update!

I sit at my computer screen with my minestrone cup a soup and decided to do an update, mainly because I'm bored and secondly because I can't be arsed with all the moaners out there asking for an update.
So what's new in the world of wog?
I've grown a beard! it's quite beard like now and I've shaved my head so that looks kind of weird, like my heads on upside down. It's strange actually because if you get your hair cut then nobody gives a shit apart from the daft cunt who says, "getting it finished later?" or some other knobhead remark, but when you grow a beard, you get the same cunts and a few more added on with the question, "why'd you grow a beard?" I suppose it's a fair question but it's a fucking stupid one because the answer is going to be as dull as the fucker who asked it, "because I felt like it". I suppose I could spice things up abit and say, "well I grew the beard because I murdered someone and hid the body and when the police turn up on my doorstep asking where I was on such and such a date, then I can say, 'I was at home; growing a beard; look". Not that growing a beard is something you need to work hard at.
So I'm off work at the moment, (holidays) and as usual I'm bored, I go to Asda, then the snooker hall, then watch tv, then get drunk. (actually, It's pretty cool, but for the sake of the blog...) So I'm mostly in a mood all the time, Has anybody else been watching Hells Kitchen? I like it, Mainly because Angus Deayton is so funny, such a sarcastic bastard. Did you know that Marco Pierre White started his cooking career by working in the George hotel kitchens in Harrogate! there you go, you can use that fact next time you feel like letting out a random fact.
Well, my minestrone soup is now finished, I've made sure I haven't got any bits in my beard and now I'm going to go as well, probably go to the snooker hall for a bit, then make sure I'm home for David Dickinsons show at 2pm, it's a bloody con that show, I'm sure it is, some bint takes in a load of gold or something that's really worth about a grand and the 'expert' tells them it's a bag of shite and offers them £50, then David Dickinson pops his mahogany fucking head into the fray and says, "that's a good offer, I'd take it" and because that cunt says that then the stupid bint fucking trusts him and takes the money for the item, the dealer then wangs the item in the auction and it says he makes a £20 profit, but I think it's all a con and the cunt makes about £2000 profit, very shady these auction men.
Anyway,
Moff

Woggzeh