Sunday, July 29, 2007
Another victim of line up in line, Line up in line is all I remember. Oh, how their favours change, You could have been kinder.
Just got back from the camping trip, I've had the obligatory shit and shower and now I'm updating just for you, you lucky people.
Friday:
I got up at 7am because I had to make a c.d so we had some music to listen to on our journey, I always do the best music so I always get asked to do that task.
Robin picked me up at about ten past nine, his car was already jammed with his and Matt's gear, which was crazy because we had to pick up Trelly after me, so we ended up rammed in the back of the car with bags and chairs and sleeping mats carefully positioned around us.
The drive to Coniston was typical of any drive to anywhere, I will mention that we saw roadkill, and there were still disputes this morning over what was dead, I reckon it was a dog that had been ripped in half, (tasted like dog).
Arrived at Coniston hall and Robin went to book in when Steve phoned us asking where we were, he had arrived literally minutes before us, so we all met up and looked for a decent place to pitch our tents. Eventually we settled on a hilly bit, As soon as we got our tents out of the car the bloody wind started up, I'm not kidding you, it was almost a tornado, once again I was the returning champion and got my tent up first, but not without a little help from Trelly, Steve and Trelly got their tents up and we cracked open a beer and watched Robin and Matt struggle with their mansion in the wind, about an hour later they were finished and joined us in the drinketh of the beerses.
It started pissing down really heavily so we all piled into Robin's tent and watched a DVD, blades of Steel, which was quite funny, Steve built a stone circle outside of out tents to ward off the rain and please the gods, it fucking worked too!
Plenty of beer later and a pasta meal, we were bored of waiting for Bullough's party so at about 7:30 we set off for the pub, (not forgetting that we were mostly all pissed by now) on our way there, we met Bullough's party and gave them bad instructions as to where we were camped, (yeah, you know the fork in the road, well, we're on the left abit further on, the one where my tent is pitched).
we left them because we were thirsty and sauntered to the pub, typically the prices were extortionate (ranged from £2.70 a pint to £3.00)we hit the Ship Inn first then went to the Yewdale and the Crown where we were joined by Bullough, Han, Scott and Justine, we all drank and got merry, we flipped beer mats, Trelly managed to flip one mat 18 times in a row (world record) and I managed to flip a stack of 19 cards (world record), I think Hannah may have beaten my record but she's a girl and so her effort doesn't count!
The pubs stopped serving at 11pm so we had to stagger home (totally pissed), We sat and chatted for a bit then one by one we turned in, until Steve was the only one awake, so he had some milk and apple pies.
Saturday:
I awoke at about 8am and felt fucking great, so I tried to sleep abit more but got bored so I got up, woke everyone else up, made sure everyone was out of their tents then promptly went back to bed nursing a late hangover (I fucking hate those sneaky bastard hangovers that get you like 30 minutes after you get up and think everything is fine), needless to say everyone was pissed off at me, but fuck you all!
About elevenish we took a drive to Tarn Hows, we had a nice walk round and saw some crazy unidentifiable creature that kept surfacing then submerging from the lake, scary! Rob and Matt got and ice cream on the way back to the car, we then had a discussion about, "strawberry's or raspberry's, Which do you prefer?" Everyone except Trelly were wrong in their opinions that Strawberry's were better, I hang around with such morons!
We then went for a drive up some pass, where the road was as wide as a small car and all the corners are blind, there are very few passing places and is a fucking scary drive, made even scarier when some cunt brought his caravan, clearly ignoring the signs that read, "not suitable for caravans", we had to edge the car to the side of the road and nearly went down the sheer face of cliff, this was a dangerous moment, and Steve managed to sum up all our fears by farting (which was the foulest smell I'd ever smelt), We eventually came away with our lives and car in tact, so we set off back to the camp site, I bought a B.L.T. because I had tummy ache, sorted that out!
When we got back, Trelly and myself went looking for this fucking pier that Trel has been banging on about for months, we walked and walked but didn't find it, I say that scornfully, but it wasn't a bad walk, the weather was good and we had some nice views of the surrounding mountains (They look like mountains anyway).
Got back and Bulloughs party had all packed up and were almost ready for home, Hannah whined that she was tired and missed her bed, so everyone was off home, (news for ya Han, that's camping, you don't go camping to feel refreshed at the end of it, you go for the experience) Dave danced like a cunt! He asked me if I would put it in my blog so I said yeah and hey ho, there it was, your moment in history, The party were ready to set off home, Bullough couldn't hide his disapointment at leaving but kept smiling anyway, we bid them farewell and cracked open some beers.
Afer eating and chilling we went to the pub again, Ship Inn, then onto the Yewdale where it soon became evident that Robin was shitfaced! He was also very loud, Trel and me had to keep going outside for fear of getting our heads kicked in, we managed to convince Rob to get some food, so he went to the takeaway for chips and curry sauce, we went to the Black Bull, had a pint, ate about 5 bags of crisps then had to get back to our tents, with Robin "foghorn" Cook, We made it back and Robin and Matt went to bed, Me Steve and Trel sat up and had a beer, we went to the toilets and Steve had this great idea of getting into the girls toilets involving me acting as Steve's retarded brother, it was hysterical at the time but the one that nearly made me sick with laughter was Steve's suggestion to just go in, kick the door open, point and say, "I can see your fanny", not so funny in print on this blog, but Steve's silly voices and actions made the moment, pant wettingly funny. We got back and decided to turn in, Steve once again wasn't ready for bed so he cooked a tin of hot dog sausages in his tent.
Sunday:
Got up at 8am, I felt fantastic, the weather was scorching hot (typical) got everyone else up, and started packing my gear away (no hangover today, yeah baby). We packed the car, said goodbye to Steve and went to Ambleside for breakfast at Daisy's, I ordered, Sausage, egg, bacon, hash browns and mushrooms with a cup of tea, it came to £5.70, (thieving twats), the woman taking our order was a right moody bitch too! once brekkers was consumed and Trelly had managed to not regurgitate his breakfast all over me, we got back in the car for the journey home.
Woggzeh.
Friday:
I got up at 7am because I had to make a c.d so we had some music to listen to on our journey, I always do the best music so I always get asked to do that task.
Robin picked me up at about ten past nine, his car was already jammed with his and Matt's gear, which was crazy because we had to pick up Trelly after me, so we ended up rammed in the back of the car with bags and chairs and sleeping mats carefully positioned around us.
The drive to Coniston was typical of any drive to anywhere, I will mention that we saw roadkill, and there were still disputes this morning over what was dead, I reckon it was a dog that had been ripped in half, (tasted like dog).
Arrived at Coniston hall and Robin went to book in when Steve phoned us asking where we were, he had arrived literally minutes before us, so we all met up and looked for a decent place to pitch our tents. Eventually we settled on a hilly bit, As soon as we got our tents out of the car the bloody wind started up, I'm not kidding you, it was almost a tornado, once again I was the returning champion and got my tent up first, but not without a little help from Trelly, Steve and Trelly got their tents up and we cracked open a beer and watched Robin and Matt struggle with their mansion in the wind, about an hour later they were finished and joined us in the drinketh of the beerses.
It started pissing down really heavily so we all piled into Robin's tent and watched a DVD, blades of Steel, which was quite funny, Steve built a stone circle outside of out tents to ward off the rain and please the gods, it fucking worked too!
Plenty of beer later and a pasta meal, we were bored of waiting for Bullough's party so at about 7:30 we set off for the pub, (not forgetting that we were mostly all pissed by now) on our way there, we met Bullough's party and gave them bad instructions as to where we were camped, (yeah, you know the fork in the road, well, we're on the left abit further on, the one where my tent is pitched).
we left them because we were thirsty and sauntered to the pub, typically the prices were extortionate (ranged from £2.70 a pint to £3.00)we hit the Ship Inn first then went to the Yewdale and the Crown where we were joined by Bullough, Han, Scott and Justine, we all drank and got merry, we flipped beer mats, Trelly managed to flip one mat 18 times in a row (world record) and I managed to flip a stack of 19 cards (world record), I think Hannah may have beaten my record but she's a girl and so her effort doesn't count!
The pubs stopped serving at 11pm so we had to stagger home (totally pissed), We sat and chatted for a bit then one by one we turned in, until Steve was the only one awake, so he had some milk and apple pies.
Saturday:
I awoke at about 8am and felt fucking great, so I tried to sleep abit more but got bored so I got up, woke everyone else up, made sure everyone was out of their tents then promptly went back to bed nursing a late hangover (I fucking hate those sneaky bastard hangovers that get you like 30 minutes after you get up and think everything is fine), needless to say everyone was pissed off at me, but fuck you all!
About elevenish we took a drive to Tarn Hows, we had a nice walk round and saw some crazy unidentifiable creature that kept surfacing then submerging from the lake, scary! Rob and Matt got and ice cream on the way back to the car, we then had a discussion about, "strawberry's or raspberry's, Which do you prefer?" Everyone except Trelly were wrong in their opinions that Strawberry's were better, I hang around with such morons!
We then went for a drive up some pass, where the road was as wide as a small car and all the corners are blind, there are very few passing places and is a fucking scary drive, made even scarier when some cunt brought his caravan, clearly ignoring the signs that read, "not suitable for caravans", we had to edge the car to the side of the road and nearly went down the sheer face of cliff, this was a dangerous moment, and Steve managed to sum up all our fears by farting (which was the foulest smell I'd ever smelt), We eventually came away with our lives and car in tact, so we set off back to the camp site, I bought a B.L.T. because I had tummy ache, sorted that out!
When we got back, Trelly and myself went looking for this fucking pier that Trel has been banging on about for months, we walked and walked but didn't find it, I say that scornfully, but it wasn't a bad walk, the weather was good and we had some nice views of the surrounding mountains (They look like mountains anyway).
Got back and Bulloughs party had all packed up and were almost ready for home, Hannah whined that she was tired and missed her bed, so everyone was off home, (news for ya Han, that's camping, you don't go camping to feel refreshed at the end of it, you go for the experience) Dave danced like a cunt! He asked me if I would put it in my blog so I said yeah and hey ho, there it was, your moment in history, The party were ready to set off home, Bullough couldn't hide his disapointment at leaving but kept smiling anyway, we bid them farewell and cracked open some beers.
Afer eating and chilling we went to the pub again, Ship Inn, then onto the Yewdale where it soon became evident that Robin was shitfaced! He was also very loud, Trel and me had to keep going outside for fear of getting our heads kicked in, we managed to convince Rob to get some food, so he went to the takeaway for chips and curry sauce, we went to the Black Bull, had a pint, ate about 5 bags of crisps then had to get back to our tents, with Robin "foghorn" Cook, We made it back and Robin and Matt went to bed, Me Steve and Trel sat up and had a beer, we went to the toilets and Steve had this great idea of getting into the girls toilets involving me acting as Steve's retarded brother, it was hysterical at the time but the one that nearly made me sick with laughter was Steve's suggestion to just go in, kick the door open, point and say, "I can see your fanny", not so funny in print on this blog, but Steve's silly voices and actions made the moment, pant wettingly funny. We got back and decided to turn in, Steve once again wasn't ready for bed so he cooked a tin of hot dog sausages in his tent.
Sunday:
Got up at 8am, I felt fantastic, the weather was scorching hot (typical) got everyone else up, and started packing my gear away (no hangover today, yeah baby). We packed the car, said goodbye to Steve and went to Ambleside for breakfast at Daisy's, I ordered, Sausage, egg, bacon, hash browns and mushrooms with a cup of tea, it came to £5.70, (thieving twats), the woman taking our order was a right moody bitch too! once brekkers was consumed and Trelly had managed to not regurgitate his breakfast all over me, we got back in the car for the journey home.
Woggzeh.
Sunday, July 22, 2007
Oh it turns you on on, now he has gone, Oh what turns you on now your animal's gone?
Ok, I admit it, I am a twat!
The reason behind that statement is (not just that it's true) because I forgot about Britpop! Jof bought me a book for my birthday called, "The last Party" it's all about the rise and demise of Britpop circa 92-98, it's an unbelievable read!!! Basically it's a million little biography's about each band and how their lives affected each other and the connotations of life as a musical legend!
Reading the book has been a revelation to me and I've had the pleasure to rediscover the era that pretty much shaped my life, I started playing guitar to emulate my heroes and play their songs (then write better ones) the coolest part of it all though is that aside from the Blur / Oasis thing them two are the no brainers of Britpop, I've got right into Suede, I didn't really like Suede first time around, aside from a handful of songs, I just didn't like them, I thought Brett Anderson was a cunt (still do) but the music they made is nothing short of spectacular, Animal Nitrate being my new favourite song (for now), It's a bit of a pain finding the albums for download but I've got a few now, and this rediscovery of it makes me feel like a teenager again, Like I said to jof, I'm gonna go on a diet and buy some skinny rib t shirts, grow my hair long and live a life of Angst, Ok well we all know that's not gonna happen but it's still wikked.
I've never fallen out of love with Louise Wener and Sleeper are a fucking top band, but as I've tried to shy away from the obvious mainstream of Britpop, I've fallen for Justine Frischmann, I don't know what it is about her, but she's fit! I've missed out on her first time round, now I'm well into her, and she's a pretty cool lass from the sound of her in the book. Elasitca were another band I didn't really follow closely back in the day but I've got their album and I love it!! It's really strange and difficult to explain my sheer excitement about Britpop again, but I really loved the era and I feel I am back in that happy frame of mind that I forgot I ever experienced, you can keep your sex, and drugs and booze, just give me the music! the only problem with this 'high' that I'm on is that I know I'm going to come down when the music runs out, they don't make any good golden oldies any more, which means I'm eventually going to go back to being miserable, "was I miserable because I listened to pop music or did the pop music make me miserable?"
I advise all of you to read this book, if you were there on the scene and want some of that magic back, then go do it, or even try a watered down version and check out all the old school Britpop bands on you tube.
I'm going to Coniston next weekend, so I should have another update as soon as I get back, I still get a pat on the back from everyone for my last blog about camping, so lets hope the next one will be just as good.
P.S - Jof you fucking rock!
Watch the Video: Suede - Animal Nitrate.
The reason behind that statement is (not just that it's true) because I forgot about Britpop! Jof bought me a book for my birthday called, "The last Party" it's all about the rise and demise of Britpop circa 92-98, it's an unbelievable read!!! Basically it's a million little biography's about each band and how their lives affected each other and the connotations of life as a musical legend!
Reading the book has been a revelation to me and I've had the pleasure to rediscover the era that pretty much shaped my life, I started playing guitar to emulate my heroes and play their songs (then write better ones) the coolest part of it all though is that aside from the Blur / Oasis thing them two are the no brainers of Britpop, I've got right into Suede, I didn't really like Suede first time around, aside from a handful of songs, I just didn't like them, I thought Brett Anderson was a cunt (still do) but the music they made is nothing short of spectacular, Animal Nitrate being my new favourite song (for now), It's a bit of a pain finding the albums for download but I've got a few now, and this rediscovery of it makes me feel like a teenager again, Like I said to jof, I'm gonna go on a diet and buy some skinny rib t shirts, grow my hair long and live a life of Angst, Ok well we all know that's not gonna happen but it's still wikked.
I've never fallen out of love with Louise Wener and Sleeper are a fucking top band, but as I've tried to shy away from the obvious mainstream of Britpop, I've fallen for Justine Frischmann, I don't know what it is about her, but she's fit! I've missed out on her first time round, now I'm well into her, and she's a pretty cool lass from the sound of her in the book. Elasitca were another band I didn't really follow closely back in the day but I've got their album and I love it!! It's really strange and difficult to explain my sheer excitement about Britpop again, but I really loved the era and I feel I am back in that happy frame of mind that I forgot I ever experienced, you can keep your sex, and drugs and booze, just give me the music! the only problem with this 'high' that I'm on is that I know I'm going to come down when the music runs out, they don't make any good golden oldies any more, which means I'm eventually going to go back to being miserable, "was I miserable because I listened to pop music or did the pop music make me miserable?"
I advise all of you to read this book, if you were there on the scene and want some of that magic back, then go do it, or even try a watered down version and check out all the old school Britpop bands on you tube.
I'm going to Coniston next weekend, so I should have another update as soon as I get back, I still get a pat on the back from everyone for my last blog about camping, so lets hope the next one will be just as good.
P.S - Jof you fucking rock!
Watch the Video: Suede - Animal Nitrate.
Sunday, July 08, 2007
It was an itsy bitsy teenie weenie yellow polka-dot bikini
Now then.
Well as most of you now, yesterday was my birthday and so we had a party in Leeds, I got to Dave's at about 6pm after getting the train early and had the usual nice greetings from Jof , Dave and Han, Was great to see Joffers again, not seen him in a few years, (he hasn't changed). Had a few beerses, whilst Hannah ironed my shirt, (she did a fantastic job of it too, I would never have got it looking that good, but then I am a man) then the rest of the gang turned up, Trelly, Robin, Matt, Paul and Eloise. We all had a few more beerses before heading out to the Tampopo restaurant, I already knew I was going to have the Pad Krapow because I've had it before so I ordered that and a beer, I was drinking quickly and then my meal came, they are fast there anyway, I needed another beer but I waited until everyone had got their food whilst tucking into my meal, when 'fuck me' I ate a chilli which burnt my fucking mouth out, I had no beer left so when I did get the lady's attention, I was rather rude in telling her to get a move on! anyway, I managed to eat the rest of my meal whilst my tongue was throbbing with third degree burns, but would you believe it, Trelly (who ordered the same as me) burnt his fucking gob on a chilli aswell! I do these things so you don't have to!
There was no sympathy there from me, I didn't get any fucking sympathy so I'm not gonna give any!
Moving on after there we went to a bar I think it was called Henrys but I'm probably wrong, the place was heaving, or so we thought, in fact everyone was just crammed at the bar near the doorway so we managed to get seats at the back, had a good natter then some girls joined us, which I was promptly very rude to once one of them questioned my age, "really, you look older" she said screwing up her face, "clearly not as old as you though bitch" was my reply, she seemed to take it in good spirits and gave me a birthday kiss which is always nice even if it was from some rum old slapper.
It was about 11pm at this stage and Trelly, Paul and Eloise decided to get the nightbus back to Harrogate so they left, we had another drink then decided to goto the elbow rooms, Robin and Matt didn't fancy it so they went and had their own fun, I believe they ended up in Jongulars.
We played some pool (I lost every match I was involved in) then after an hour the lights went out so we returned the balls and found out that it cost £9.00 an hour just to play on the stupid fucking American pool tables, "At least Dick Turpin wears a mask, that's fucking scandalous" I told the barman before being told not to start, so I didn't start. we sat down with our drinks and chatted then I threw Jofs Cider all over me for some stupid reason, but as a general rule, I usually end up wearing a drink or someone else ends up wearing the contents of my stomach!
We left at about 2am and moseyed back to Dave's, a movement I can't actually remember, then we were going to play jenga but that never happened so we chatted for a bit before turning in, I nicked the spare bed after giving Jof the option of it, I knew full well he'd be too polite to take the bed so he slept on the mattress in the front room. I awoke at about 10:45am then tried to get back to sleep but it was a futile effort so I got up for a piss expecting to be the last one up, but no, everyone was still asleep so I ran back to my room jumped into bed, buried my head into the pillows and tried to get an extra minute of sleep, because I knew everyone would be up soon, it didn't work so I lay in bed contemplating what I was going to write in my blog, about an hour later I got up and decided to wake Jof.
eventually everyone was up and all nursing hangovers, Hannah cooked breakfast, a proper fry up, it was bloody good too! once all that was eaten, it was time to check the train times, I had 40 minutes till the next one, so I got dressed and said my goodbyes and set off, I nearly got on the train to Birmingham but managed to jump off when I realised my mistake, anyway, I had a good journey home reading the book that Jof had got me for my birthday (thanks man), and that pretty much brings us up to date. All in all it was a fantastic night, so thanks to everyone who came.
Woggzeh
Well as most of you now, yesterday was my birthday and so we had a party in Leeds, I got to Dave's at about 6pm after getting the train early and had the usual nice greetings from Jof , Dave and Han, Was great to see Joffers again, not seen him in a few years, (he hasn't changed). Had a few beerses, whilst Hannah ironed my shirt, (she did a fantastic job of it too, I would never have got it looking that good, but then I am a man) then the rest of the gang turned up, Trelly, Robin, Matt, Paul and Eloise. We all had a few more beerses before heading out to the Tampopo restaurant, I already knew I was going to have the Pad Krapow because I've had it before so I ordered that and a beer, I was drinking quickly and then my meal came, they are fast there anyway, I needed another beer but I waited until everyone had got their food whilst tucking into my meal, when 'fuck me' I ate a chilli which burnt my fucking mouth out, I had no beer left so when I did get the lady's attention, I was rather rude in telling her to get a move on! anyway, I managed to eat the rest of my meal whilst my tongue was throbbing with third degree burns, but would you believe it, Trelly (who ordered the same as me) burnt his fucking gob on a chilli aswell! I do these things so you don't have to!
There was no sympathy there from me, I didn't get any fucking sympathy so I'm not gonna give any!
Moving on after there we went to a bar I think it was called Henrys but I'm probably wrong, the place was heaving, or so we thought, in fact everyone was just crammed at the bar near the doorway so we managed to get seats at the back, had a good natter then some girls joined us, which I was promptly very rude to once one of them questioned my age, "really, you look older" she said screwing up her face, "clearly not as old as you though bitch" was my reply, she seemed to take it in good spirits and gave me a birthday kiss which is always nice even if it was from some rum old slapper.
It was about 11pm at this stage and Trelly, Paul and Eloise decided to get the nightbus back to Harrogate so they left, we had another drink then decided to goto the elbow rooms, Robin and Matt didn't fancy it so they went and had their own fun, I believe they ended up in Jongulars.
We played some pool (I lost every match I was involved in) then after an hour the lights went out so we returned the balls and found out that it cost £9.00 an hour just to play on the stupid fucking American pool tables, "At least Dick Turpin wears a mask, that's fucking scandalous" I told the barman before being told not to start, so I didn't start. we sat down with our drinks and chatted then I threw Jofs Cider all over me for some stupid reason, but as a general rule, I usually end up wearing a drink or someone else ends up wearing the contents of my stomach!
We left at about 2am and moseyed back to Dave's, a movement I can't actually remember, then we were going to play jenga but that never happened so we chatted for a bit before turning in, I nicked the spare bed after giving Jof the option of it, I knew full well he'd be too polite to take the bed so he slept on the mattress in the front room. I awoke at about 10:45am then tried to get back to sleep but it was a futile effort so I got up for a piss expecting to be the last one up, but no, everyone was still asleep so I ran back to my room jumped into bed, buried my head into the pillows and tried to get an extra minute of sleep, because I knew everyone would be up soon, it didn't work so I lay in bed contemplating what I was going to write in my blog, about an hour later I got up and decided to wake Jof.
eventually everyone was up and all nursing hangovers, Hannah cooked breakfast, a proper fry up, it was bloody good too! once all that was eaten, it was time to check the train times, I had 40 minutes till the next one, so I got dressed and said my goodbyes and set off, I nearly got on the train to Birmingham but managed to jump off when I realised my mistake, anyway, I had a good journey home reading the book that Jof had got me for my birthday (thanks man), and that pretty much brings us up to date. All in all it was a fantastic night, so thanks to everyone who came.
Woggzeh
Monday, July 02, 2007
Hey love how are you fixed, We’ll meet at ten past now it’s quarter to six
Peoples,
just got back from the docs, for those who don't know I've had alot of blood 'escaping' every time I've been for a shit this weekend so I went to get it checked out, To be honest, it wasn't as scary as I expected it to be, the doctor made me lie on the bed in a foetal position and he kept talking me through what he was doing, then he said, "relax I just have to explore the anal cavity just relax and try not to be tense" , "fucks sake" sprang into my mind but you know, 'when in Rome' so I tried to relax as best I could and you know what, I blanked out and recalled the whole video of Sleepers 'Nice Guy Eddie' I didn't pass out or anything but my mind just went fucking A.W.O.L which I'm kind of grateful for, when the doctor finished his inspection and I was dressed again, I was expecting the worst, I.B.S, Crohn's disease even Cancer, you know what the doc said?, "you've got a little tear in your anus that's causing the bleeding, nothing to worry about", I tell you now I could have kissed the fucker at that moment, then realised how much of a cunt I must have looked going to a doctor declaring that he'd better get the death certificates at the ready because I'm a gonner. but he told me I definitely did the right thing in visiting him because it could have been something nasty. this post isn't really an update it's more of me telling you that you shouldn't be scared of the doctor concerning delicate matters, it's not as scary as you think.
I would like to leave you now with something that really helped me, it's Sleeper 'Nice Guy Eddie'
come to think of it, I actually fancy the pants off Louise Wener, my god I pray I didn't get an erection!
just got back from the docs, for those who don't know I've had alot of blood 'escaping' every time I've been for a shit this weekend so I went to get it checked out, To be honest, it wasn't as scary as I expected it to be, the doctor made me lie on the bed in a foetal position and he kept talking me through what he was doing, then he said, "relax I just have to explore the anal cavity just relax and try not to be tense" , "fucks sake" sprang into my mind but you know, 'when in Rome' so I tried to relax as best I could and you know what, I blanked out and recalled the whole video of Sleepers 'Nice Guy Eddie' I didn't pass out or anything but my mind just went fucking A.W.O.L which I'm kind of grateful for, when the doctor finished his inspection and I was dressed again, I was expecting the worst, I.B.S, Crohn's disease even Cancer, you know what the doc said?, "you've got a little tear in your anus that's causing the bleeding, nothing to worry about", I tell you now I could have kissed the fucker at that moment, then realised how much of a cunt I must have looked going to a doctor declaring that he'd better get the death certificates at the ready because I'm a gonner. but he told me I definitely did the right thing in visiting him because it could have been something nasty. this post isn't really an update it's more of me telling you that you shouldn't be scared of the doctor concerning delicate matters, it's not as scary as you think.
I would like to leave you now with something that really helped me, it's Sleeper 'Nice Guy Eddie'
come to think of it, I actually fancy the pants off Louise Wener, my god I pray I didn't get an erection!
