Woggzeh's World

Whoop Whoop. Hello everyone, I'm awesome, you're not, what you gonna do about it?

I'm in an awesome mood, don't know why, if I had to come up with a reason I would say it's because I'm no longer stressed to fuck regarding Bullough's wedding and a certain best man speech. For those who weren't there, you missed a fucking amazing day, loads of people turned up to hear my speech and Dave and Hannah were an amazing support act!
I went down to Malvern on my birthday, I had dozens of lovely messages from you all on my facebook wall and through text messages including one from Marisa Merico (If you google her you will see that she is the former head of an Italian Mafia family) and a lovely birthday message from the love of my life Louise Wener (singer from the band Sleeper).
When I got down to Malvern it was all hands on deck to get the marquee ready for the big day, there was only so much we could do without the tables and chairs (which were arriving Friday) so I managed to make myself look busy while doing very little, I think I got away with it too because Dave said well done and bought my lunch and evening meal.
Checked into the Foley Arms, proper nice digs, the kind of place where I feel like an imposter and was scared to touch anything in case I broke it and had to pay for it, I had a shower and used the hotel towel, to re-iterate how posh this gaff was the white towel was white and didn't have any stains on it where the previous user had "done the Egyptian".
Then we went down to the curry house which was over the road, Dave, Hannah, Shrago and a lovely creature called Jenny (whom I have met before at a party and was drunk so I probably made a terrible first impression). The food was really nice and I was back in my digs for about 10:30pm where I ran through my speech with Shrago, I told him to be fiercely critical as this was the last opportunity to change stuff, I wouldn't have been offended if he said it was shite, I'd rather know. you know?
Anyway, after the speech and he managed to stop laughing, he said it was spot on and there was no need to change a thing, which was a huge relief.
The Friday was more of the same, work work work, there were a few more people there to help and Jenny helped me put up the Chinese lanterns, I say she helped with that part, she more or less shouted at me to go left or right with the things - Jenny is one of those girls who 'tells it like it is' and I really like people like that, no need to fuck around pleasing people, A girl who is very much take me as you find me, fair to say I liked her ALOT!
We spent most of the morning doing the buntings, the table and chairs even trying to get the best table for ourselves, which we managed to fuck up by not looking at the seating arrangement properly, I say "We" fucked up but it was actually all Jenny's fault!
After that day of working we all (family and ushers and bridesmaids) went for a meal at some pub. WOW, proper nice food, made me realise how much shit I actually eat in my day to day life.
Jenny tried to get us to guess what sport she plays, I guess it in one but it took Shrago ages, (the answer is roller derby - I guessed in one because Hannah had told me the day before, see, I do listen!!)
It's a crazy sport mainly played by lesbians (Jenny isn't a lesbian though) and they just beat fuck out of each other, pretty cool. After the meal we headed back to town where Robin and myself met Trelly and Bradbury in some shithole pub that was full of kids, I stayed for one drink then sloped off back to the digs to write my speech onto speech cards. I slept less than 3 hours that night.
Saturday arrived and I forced my breakfast down me, full English, top fucking notch!
Then I went down to the field to do the final preparations, moving all the chairs AGAIN! This time I didn't have Jenny watching over me so I managed to do very little.
Time flew! it got to about 1:15 and we had to leave, get back to the digs, shower and change into our fancy get up and get back to the field by 2pm, it was crazy but we managed it, then we had an hour of taking photo's and meeting new people and old friends.
Hannah was 30 minutes late and she looked fucking awesome. The ceremony was beautiful, a Humanist ceremony is all about the bride and groom, their family and friends, non of this God and religion crap, I really enjoyed it.
After the ceremony there were drinks and chatting, loads of people asking me if I was nervous about my speech, some with advice, some good, some bad, some telling me that they have been best man and know exactly what I was going through and it was these people who seemed to enjoy watching me squirm! I'll probably be the same at my next wedding now I am in that exclusive club. Shrago, it must be said was full of support and kept reassuring me that everything would be cool and even attempted to teach me some breathing techniques.
The food was mega and I managed to eat loads, then at about 8pm, I remembered I still had a speech to do and I bolted!
I was outside pacing for about 30 minutes, Shrago came out to talk to me, Jenny came out to talk to me, it was nice but I was screwed.
Hannah's dad started the speeches and it was really good, then Hannah did a speech and it was even better, then Dave did a speech and it was great - The bar had been set so high by now there was only one person in the room who could raise it, and that was me! FUCK!!!!
I actually can't remember much about the speech, I know it went really well, I also remember saying, "Sorry, I'm shaking like a shitting dog" which got a huge laugh but it wasn't intentional at all, the mix of sincerity and humour followed by the crescendo (the Bangor joke) was perfect (apparently) and only offended a few people, which is cool. I had actually run that joke past Hannah a few weeks beforehand to make sure it was ok, but I don't think she was expecting the reaction that it got.
Afterwards was a bit of a blur too, I was trying to get outside to smoke my victory cigar and everyone wanted to shake my hand and congratulate me, which was immense, some said it was "fucking brilliant" others said I was really brave to do the Bangor joke, but all in all I fucking rocked and I don't know why I was so nervous, I also think I made everyone around me nervous too, so sorry about that people.
the after party was brilliant, I dazzled everyone with my dance moves, I danced and chatted for ages with a lovely young lass called Helen. The night flew past and before I knew it, it was 3am, we all piled back to Andy Chiu's room for a mini-party, Finally getting into the shower and crawling into my bed at just after 5am.
I was up at 9am for brekkers and I felt like a new man, all those weeks of stress and sleepless nights were gone.
After breakfast I went to meet Jenny at the pub where we were joined by Jof and Jen, we had a great chat before Jenny had to leave to go clear up the marquee and go to a BBQ, I managed to get out of these duties by coming back to Harrogate.
All in all, it was an amazing weekend, I met some wonderful people, whom I hope will remain friends for a long time, I caught up with old friends whom I haven't seen for a while. And I saw my best friend get married to the girl of his dreams, and in all that, Dave wanted little old me to stand by his side and be his best man, an honour that makes me so proud I want to cry.

Woggzeh

There should be a copy of my speech HERE if you fancy a read.