Woggzeh's World

I noticed something this year that I haven't noticed before and that is all the fucking charity adverts on TV this time of year.
The fucking Sally army, the RSPCA, save the fucking children, donkeys, you name it there's a fucking appeal for it, one of them wants £19 a month. Who the fuck is signing up for that? If these charities can afford to pay for a television advert then they aren't fucking short for nineteen quid!
They show you all sorts of disturbing things to tug at your heart strings, like a sad dog or an African kid with snot all over his face, all of them asking for money like a junkie who is selling his nicked good so he can buy his next fix, "look at this, you wouldn't give us a couple o quid for it would ya? Well, go on then, give us a quid then".
Charity is good, they do do good things but guilt tripping people is bullshit. I'm a firm believer in the saying that "Charity begins at home", it certainly does in my gaff, I just spent all my money on a big fuck off takeaway and a box-set of the office that I can watch on my new 4K TV and not have to watch any fucking adverts.

Merry Christmas.

Hello everyone!

Wow. 2016 was a bit shit wasn't it? I think that I might be to blame for it being so rubbish.
I didn't enter a blog for the whole year did I and I think that is part of why so many celebrities died. They had nothing to read so they all signed up for a literal world wide edition of "I'm a celebrity get me out of here".
So many celebrities were visited by the grim reaper that I'm not sure there are enough left to keep the world of film and music going.

Something that has been bugging me recently is those green boxes at the end of most streets that the internet lives in, you know the ones! Well, why are they always open? I've looked at the problem and it simply comes down to a pissy little lock on them, it's absolutely pathetic. I know that Richard Branson reads this blog so, I say to him now, Put some better bloody locks on the things. If the internet goes down then I can't post a blog and another celebrity might die!

Who else is part of the Facebook group Harrogate Grumbler? It's choc full of fucktards who don't know how to spell or get through the day without asking s stupid question.
Things like: What time is Asda open? Do I put my socks on before my shoes? Do I really have to pay a pound for parking? y am i so fick? (sic) All sorts of simple questions that could be answered by a quick search on Google but they are clearly to dumb to spell Google, so they go on this Facebook page and ask other fucking idiots these stupid questions. It really gets on my tits. Although, it is quite funny to read some of the replies.

So, how was 2016 for you? It was pretty shit for me, work wise, lets just say that it was abysmal. Life wise, it was average. I realized that I am becoming more and more reclusive. I don't have many friends, mainly because I don't trust people and I don't go out and get drunk, so my social skills are pretty weak. I can put on an charismatic act that is very 'jack the lad' but underneath it all is a depressed, anxiety filled, scared little boy who totally fails at life. On top of which, I'm lazy.
I doubt myself too much and need to do something to change. I just don't know what I need to do.

I have been watching box-sets of shows which I thought were worth mentioning. Goliath, starring Billy Bob Thornton, it's a very exciting legal drama, it's only 10 episodes, so give it a whirl if you like to be entertained by your telebox. If you don't like to entertained then watch the football.
Another show was called, Start-up. Starring Martin Freeman. It's about a cyber currency and the problems the characters have trying to get it off the ground. It's full of action & twists and turns. Give it a shot.
An old sit-com that I'm watching for the second time is called Ideal starring Johnny Vegas. Vegas plays a character called Moz who deals in weed and has some bonkers clients turn up to his flat. It's rather amusing and keeps me giggling.

Right, I can't be arsed to write any more. I doubt anyone will read this anyway.

All mistakes are intentional!

Toodle-ooh

Woggzeh.

Those who know me may remember that a couple of years ago I went on a coach trip to London and had a massive anxiety attack and had to get off the coach in Leeds. This led to a nervous breakdown and depression which lasted a few months until I pulled my socks up and insisted on a phased return to work, so I could get back to normal life.
While I am still on daily pills for depression, which could also be caused by my diabetes, I have, for the past couple of years been seeing a psychiatrist.
Now, I wouldn’t recommend a ‘shrink’ I still don’t think that she has helped me very much. But I have finally accepted her diagnosis that I am a sufferer of Agoraphobia.
I always thought that to have this disorder then it meant that you couldn’t leave the house without having a panic attack, while, in extreme cases, this is true.
The most common effect is panic attacks when you leave your ‘bubble’.

I have travelled all over this country with my previous job and have been on holiday loads of times. But it was all a long time ago, in fact. It was all before I gave up drinking.
The problems that I have with alcohol are well documented and continue to this day. The shock that happened to my body, not including being left diabetic, has been both physical and mental.
It is not confirmed that my near death experience with pancreatitis and depression and Agoraphobia are all connected. But it certainly looks that way.

I have been noticing more and more that, when travelling alone on a bus or train, even to somewhere like Leeds, leaves me with butterflies in my stomach. Ridiculous, I know, but it happens. If I’m asked to travel further afield, then you may as well as me to fly to the moon because it ain’t gonna happen, bud.
I’ve never enjoyed travelling, even when I was a kid. I always found the outward journey, tedious and then I would wind myself up that I have to do this journey again to get home. This used to upset me where ever I went with my family. If I had to travel more than an hour then I’d be a wreck. BUT, I hid it. I bottled it all up and I’m slowly thinking that maybe I’ve always suffered from Agoraphobia.

Does anybody who reads this blog suffer from depression, Agoraphobia, alcohol addiction?
I think I might find it beneficial to talk to someone who isn’t a specialist, and reviews everything as a ‘doctor’ would.

Woggzeh

Well what do you know.

Turns out that quite a few of you enjoyed my last post about London and have said I should re-boot the bloody blog.
Well, I can't promise anything regular but, fuck it. I may as well write some shit down for you.
So since the last post, I had booked a ticket to go back to London and to see Lindsay.
I was super dooper excited about going back down that I skipped all the way to the bus depot on Monday morning and could barely sit still while waiting for the National Express coach.
It arrived on time and I got myself a seat, comfortable and chuffed to bits the time had finally arrived to go back "dahn saaarf"
Then we set off and about 15 minutes into the journey I start to get hot and sweaty, my breathing became erratic and I felt that I couldn't breathe, I was shaking and felt sick. Then as soon as it came on, the feeling went. I was confused, I didn't know what the fuck that feeling was. I dismissed it and started to read my paper. Then we pulled into Leeds station to pick up more passengers, we were a little early so we had a 10 minute stop. That's when the strange stuff started to happen again...Only worse. I thought I was having a heart attack, my body went tingly, I couldn't stop crying. I had to run to the toilet and threw up my breakfast. I made it back to my seat and text Lindsay telling her I wasn't feeling great, something was happening. Amazingly, she was awake and replied immediately. We exchanged a few messages and I didn't think I could make it for another 5 hours feeling like that but I wanted to try, for myself and because I had promised Lindsay that I would be down, I was a real mess and then some bloke sat next to me and I just flipped. I stood up and grabbed my stuff and launched myself off the coach and ran. I could hardly see through the tears in my eyes so I stopped. I phoned Lindsay and I honestly can't remember what I said, it was probably just a bunch of sobs and apologies. I then phoned my dad who was going to come to Leeds to get me.
I eventually calmed down and managed to get the bus back to Harrogate, I had updated my Facebook and initially, people thought it was a April fools joke, but soon, everyone realised it wasn't and their concern with phone calls, messages and text was truly over whelming, so thanks to everyone for that.
I spent the rest of the day with a horrible anxious feeling inside me which didn't really wear off until Tuesday.
Throughout the week I had little flutters, like butterflies in my tummy over the most stupid things, going to town, or to the shops.
I am going to see the doctor next week to discuss what happened. I am predicting he will tell me that I had a bad panic attack, I've never suffered from them before but I'll bet it is all connected to having Diabetes. Everything else is connected to Diabetes!!
I'm hoping the doctor will give me some anti-anxiety pills or something because I can't go on like this, flutters on a daily basis. It's just stupid. The other option is that I am finally cracking up. I'm the kind of person who should have a breakdown at least once in their life.
Luckily, Lindsay has been solid as a rock and has supported me all week, checking in on me daily by text, phone and facebook, we even chatted on skype for a few hours. I felt like I had let her down badly because she wanted to do all the touristy things too. But she is a cool lass and understands that I am a bit of a nut job anyway.

I'm back to work next week, I think getting back to routine will do me the world of good and I genuinely miss selling stuff to people. I love my job dearly.

Well, I think that will do for this week.

Woggzeh.

Two weeks ago today, I decided to go to London to see my good friend Lindsay. I had promised to go down since she got to the UK (She is Australian and is here on a 2 year visa). She has visited Harrogate twice now so it was only fair that I went down there.
I don't mind admitting that going to "The big smoke" absolutely terrified me, There are too many people, too much traffic, the underground.......I was sure I would get mugged and lost and end up homeless and living on the streets - such is how my mind works - You have to remember that I am a small town boy. The nearest city to me is Leeds and I have only been there less than 20 times in my 32 years of existence on this planet.
So, I booked a return ticket from National Express for £31.10 and told Lindsay that I was coming down and that if she didn't meet me at Victoria coach station on Monday at 14:40 then I would get lost and end up crying and living on the streets.
I got the bus in Harrogate at 09:30. I was well chuffed because I had a double seat all to myself, The seats have a little plug socket too so I didn't have to worry about my tablet running out of juice while watching one of the 8 million films I put on it. I spread myself out, had my bag in the seat next to me and was settled for the 5 and a bit hour trip (I still have dread at the thought of being cooked up on a non-stop bus journey for that long). Then we got to Leeds..............
The bus filled up and reluctantly I let a fat woman sit next to me. The woman took great pleasure in reading my facebook/text messages every time I took my phone out of my pocket. It got really annoying. I (we) watched some stuff on my tablet, I kind of wished that I had some hardcore porn that I could have played to make her fuck off, but I didn't have any.
Anyway, I got to Milton Keynes and there is a driver change and I get a text message from Lindsay telling me that she has to start work early and can't meet me at Victoria, Get a taxi to her pub.
Fear and dread fill my senses because she hasn't told me the name or address of her pub. I start to think that she has stitched me up and I won't see her all week. But then she texts me the address and I relax again.
I get to Victoria and jump in a cab, the driver doesn't know the pub but knows the Brompton road in 'Saaarf Ken' and so we set off.
The hour glass pub is really easy to find and so was Lindsay, the pub is tiny and there were only a couple of customers drinking. Lindsay ran from behind the bar and gave me a huge hug, (I needed a hug) I had a couple of glasses of coke and chatted to Linds while she worked, she was working 'till 11pm so there wasn't going to be much for me to do.
I decided to go for a walk and found Harrods. I walked in, then walked out.
In the opposite direction to Harrods is the Victoria & Albert museum. So I had a little walk around there. I got lost after a while and had to ask a security man the way out, I was tired after my long trip and wasn't really paying much attention. Next door to the V & A is the Natural History museum and the Science museum. I decided to leave these for another day because Lindsay wanted to see the exhibits as well. So I decided to make my way back to the pub. I figured it would be easier to go a different route back and promptly got lost.
I eventually made my way back to the pub where I had food and a shit-load of Becks Blue. Time flew and after meeting all of Lindsay's work mates and locals (I think Lindsay was as excited to see me as I was to see her because she introduced me to everyone - even people she didn't know) it was finally time to go to her place, which meant negotiating the underground.
Linds had got me an Oyster card and guided me through a network of tunnels and escalators and we got the train to her place, she introduced me to a homeless guy who she talks to near the station and then a short walk to her house. I think I fell asleep as soon as I got to her place.

I woke up quite early on the Tuesday and made Lindsay get up (not as easy as you might imagine).
We got the underground to Oxford street and walked for ages up Oxford street, went in Selfridges - where they don't sell fridges - and down Bond street and Tottenham new road and eventually found the British Museum.
Lindsay was super excited about this, explaining that it has been a dream of hers to go there since she was a little girl.
I don't really know where to start in regards telling you about the British Museum and maybe I shouldn't because I could never do it justice, it was amazing. We spent about 3 hours there and had to stop for coffee, we were both a little jaded after viewing so much stuff. I think it's one of those things where you need a day to view it all but should split it into a couple of days.
After the museum we went for lunch and then a little bit of shopping before getting the train to the Embankment. Lindsay had got tickets to see "Spamalot - The Monty Python musical. The Playhouse theatre is literally 30 seconds from the train station but Lindsay took us the wrong way and we ended up by the Savoy hotel. I had to use google maps and got us to the theatre in time.
Spamalot was hilarious, it is based on the Holy Grail and has all the brilliant lines from the film, "Your mother was a hamster and your father smelled of elderberries" "I fart in your general direction" and so many others, plus some great Montey Python sketches like the fish slapping dance and "Always look on the bright side of life".
I laughed my head off and I think Lindsay enjoyed it too, she was laughing along like a goodun.
After the show we went back to her place where we sat up talking and Lindsay got a little drunk.

After such a brilliant day on Tuesday I figured that Wednesday would pale in comparison. We got breakfast at Lindsay's old local pub in Acton called the Windmill. I had a huge full English and then we set off for the Natural History Museum.
It was pretty cool and I really liked the dinosaurs. Lindsay likes pushing buttons and opening boxes so she had a great time too.
Then we went to the science museum, which in all honesty was a bit shit after all the stuff we had seen previously, luckily there was lots of buttons and stuff to press so Lindsay didn't get bored.
After a quick drink in the Hour Glass we couldn't decide where to eat so I suggested we go to the supermarket for supplies and I would cook her a meal - as a thank you for everything she had done. So we got steak and all the trimmings, I cooked it all up - I did rather well considering Lindsay only has one frying pan, one saucepan, one plate and one set of cutlery. We ate like kings and then sat up until the small hours talking and laughing - I don't know if she is mental of just being polite or whether she genuinely thinks I am funny because Lindsay laughs at everything, even my jokes!!!

Thursday morning was a sombre affair, Lindsay didn't want to get up because she was hungover and I didn't want to get up because I didn't want to come home. I had such a great time in an amazing city and with a great tour guide and an even better friend in Lindsay that I just didn't want to leave.
Lindsay took me back to the coach station where I gave her a big hug and did my best not to cry and then she left - probably glad to be rid of me - I got on the coach where there was a problem, it seems that they had over-booked it, so there was a delay in setting off.
The return journey was long and boring and I felt a little heart broken all the way home.

London, after all my fears and doubts, took my breath away in a way that I could never have predicted. I want to return right now. I want to go do all the things I didn't get time to do, I want to go back to the British Museum and I want to go see Lindsay. She just made it all so much fun and I doubt I would have enjoyed it half as much without her.

I will be back!

Thank you London, Thank you Lindsay Hyles. Thank you dear reader.

Woggzeh.

Hello.

How are you all?
So much has happened since I last blogged, I feel that we have all grown and can look fondly on our past.
I think back to Christmas time when I was a kid and my mum would take me for a haircut and I would pray for a Christmas miracle that I would get the cute female hairdresser and even more, I would pray that during the haircut, her boobs would touch my head! Simple pleasures for a simple child.
So what you all been doing?
I've been working pretty hard some days, the rest of the time I don't work hard and I prefer these days. I'm still at Disability Action Yorkshire and still loving it.
I've been to see so much comedy that I actually can't remember everyone I've seen, most of you follow me on twitter and facebook so just keep an eye on my status's.
Are you all ready for Christmas? I took a weeks holiday so I'm all done.

Oooh I forgot to tell you. I won £3 million on the lottery. I've spent it all now so don't come begging.*

I've been reading a lot of comic books recently (Sorry - Graphic novels) And I've got to recommend a few to you all:

Transmetropolitan - 10/10 this is absolutely brilliant. Futuristic satire
The Boys - 9/10 - Excellent anti superhero comics.
Crossed - 9/10 - Sick,depraved and gross set in a world over run by the crossed.

I can recommend plenty more but those are the ones that have particularly stood out for me.

I don't know why I stopped blogging this year, I guess I got lazy and found it all a little pointless.

I went to the panto at Harrogate theatre the other week too and I wasn't sure what to expect, this being my first ever panto and all, and I have to say. I bloody loved it.

I had been planning this update for a while now and now I come to write it, I can't think of anything to write, my mind has gone blank.

So I think I'll sign off and wish you all a merry Christmas and a happy new year.

Oh and Christmas isn't Christmas without a bit of porn - There are two pictures this year, you lucky devils.








Woggzeh




*may not be true

Balls.

Why didn't someone remind me that I had a blog.

Bullet points since last post.

Done stuff,
Watched comedy
Had a birthday.
Went camping.
Worked hard.

I'm still awesome though.

Big love

Woggzeh.

What's this? Blogger has changed again.
Please stop pissing about with it.

So here we are again.
I'm having an awesome weekend, on Friday night I watched Jack Dee at the theatre and he was fantastic, then last night I watched Jon Richardson for the fourth time and he was absolutely brilliant, so much so I am going to buy tickets for his next gig in harrogate tomorrow. It's in October and I suggest that you go see him live when he is playing at a venue near you.
On Monday, I am going to watch Rich Hall. He should be good too.

Anyway, I digress.

I've had an idea, to make millions, but as I don't know where to start executing the idea, I thought I would throw it out there for one of my followers to pick up on and when you have more money than anyone else on the planet, you might kick a few quid back to me. You know it'll be good because I invented Twitter before Twitter, so here we go:

SORRY THE IDEA WAS TOO GOOD. I NEED TO PATENT THE IDEA AND SEEK ADVICE AS IT COULD GENUINELY BE WORTH TENS OF POUNDS

Woggzeh

Ey up. Blogger has all changed, I'll see how I get on before telling you all that I hate it. So, I've been really busy with work. I've had stomach problems, at one point I was eating 24rennie tablets a day, I eventually got in to see a doctor who put me back on Omeprazole. I call them magic pills because I take one and within an hour, I feel magic again. Pieman got married to Ash, I went to the wedding reception with Chris and Jana. It was lovely to see them again, and the day was lovely too. I am looking forward to May because I am going to see a lot of Comedy at the Harrogate theatre. Namely, Michael McIntyre, Jack Dee, Jon Richardson and Rich Hall. I'm super excited about this. Blogger tells me I have 19 followers. How do I start to thank you all? I think saying Thank you for following me, is a sufficient start, but I would love to take you all out for dinner and drinks. You just have to get in touch with me. That'll do. Woggzeh

Word up bitches.

So hey ho, what's new?
I don't know, not a right lot. It's been really warm in my part of the world these last couple of days, so walking to and from work has been an absolute delight.
Work is pretty cool, I'm busy but still loving it. I've been going over the paperwork these last two weeks and working out how much gift tax we are eligible to claim, it's amazing how much money we can legally claim just by having the paperwork straight and up to date. Basically, because we are a charity, for every item that is donated and we sell, we can claim 28p for every £1 of the sale which, when you do the maths, adds up to quite a lot of money that goes to us instead of the tax man.
I realised recently, while explaining what twitter is to someone, that I actually came up with the idea of twitter many many moons ago but no fucker listened to me. I used to post a lot on the Bottle of the bottom forum which was on that there internet and I asked a friend (can't remember if it was Migginz or Mook) if it was possible to just get the posts from a select few members because I was pissed off with the 'young uns' posting crap and just wanted to read what my friends and select few had to say. Basically, if anyone listened to me, then you could be a Twitter millionaire! I can't, however, lay claim to inventing Facebook.
I broke my snooker cue t'other week. I tightened it up and felt it crack, I didn't tell Bradbury that my cue was broken, so when I missed a shot I threw my cue and it smashed, leaving Bradbury gobsmacked.
I think I had an illness over the weekend too, either that or I had the world's shortest bout of Laryngitis! I had all the symptoms of Laryngitis but am all better by today (Wednesday).
My quiz team (yes, 'MY' team, I'm the team captain, although I don't expect my team mates to call me 'cap' just yet) won the quiz this week, we took the triple crown, which is pretty much a clean sweep of prizes, we won the quiz, funniest team name. ("I've got something long and hard that makes women moan......An ironing board") and the tie breaker question. We didn't get anything on the raffle but to be fair, I don't think the quiz master would have let us take any more prizes.
Michael McIntyre is playing a gig at the Harrogate theatre in May, tickets go on sale on Friday and I'm going to try and get a couple. I expect it will sell out within a couple of minutes.
Anyway, I'm going to go now.
Have a good Easter.

Woggzeh

Shit.

I genuinely haven't had time to update this blog.
Still loving my job but it's taking over my life. So much to do, so little time to do it.
Bought a new phone, HTC Wildfire S. It's cool but has a dead pixel so I'm getting a new one this arvo.

Gotta run.

Happy leap day everybody.

Woggzeh

Shit.
Totally forgot to update this month.
News.....
Left my job at Multiyork, went to work at Disability Action Yorkshire, I'm so happy about this fact that I could explode.

Will try do a proper blog in February.
Hope you are all well.

Whoopa!!!

Woggzeh.

Word!

Merry Christmas and all that Jazz. It's only 2 days away and I'm sick to death of it. I wrapped all my presents and hour ago and I have back ache from bending over the table and I have a paper cut too!
Anyway, it's all done and if I've forgotten anything then balls to it.
So, I can't remember what I last wrote and I can't be bothered t read through it.But basically, I've started a new job at Multiyork and I already hate it. I'm not allowed to do anything until I've leaned all the product knowledge (which should take 3-6 months)so basically I'm bored, staring at the window waiting for home time.
I'm still volunteering at Disability Action Yorkshire which is still brilliant. I absolutely love it there and hopefully there will be a position opening soon so I can leave Multiyork. But I don't want to say too much in case I jinx it.
Other than that I don't have a right lot to tell you.
So, Merry Christmas one and all and I hope you all have a happy new year.

As always, Christmas isn't Christmas without a mucky picture. So here it is.



Woggzeh.

Hey hey Rock and Roll!

WHAT A WEEK!

Get comfortable and I'll tell you about it until I get bored.
Last Saturday I got a phone call from MULTIYORK Furniture showroom requesting I attend a second interview on Monday, so I went along to that and I thought it went really well and was quietly confident that I would get offered the job and guess what.......I got the job!!!!
I'm really happy about it too as it's an amazing salary, which includes a pension and 30 days holiday a year. The Commission structure is a bit complicated, there is a personal commission which I get for selling a sofa, then there is the shop commission which is a big pot and when everyone who works there sells an item they get their personal commission and then another percentage of commission goes into the pot and this is then divvied up at the end of the month and split between all the staff, so if I have a shocking month of sales and another lad has a great month of sales, I still get a piece of the pie!
Then there is a 3rd commission, which is paid when you sell additional items like insurance, cleaner, cushions etc etc.
All in all the commissions work out on average at £6k a year, but there is no limit on how much commission you earn so the more I can sell the more I can get.
I start on Monday so I'll let you know in my next update how I get on!
Phones4U also phoned me up to discuss a job opportunity in Harrogate, I missed the phone call but they left a voice mail and sent me an email asking me to contact them. But fuck them. They had their opportunity last month, so I didn't bother returning their call,it was only a £14K salary + commission. I wouldn't get out of bed for that!
Thirdly my voluntary stint at Disability Action Yorkshire has come to an end and to be honest I am really sad to be leaving as I have loved every minute of working there! so much so that I am still going to try and return 1 day a week to help out, update the website and make them some money.
My boss at DAY, Ange was upset to see me leave and she did everything she could to put together a tempting full time contract offer to keep me there (She already offered me part time) and if I'm honest, if she had managed to offer me something near my Multiyork wage, I would have been seriously tempted to sign up.This may have been my heart ruling my head but it's rare to find work that ticks all the boxes for you and you go to work every morning with a smile on your face! Anyway, he boss couldn't squeeze the budget this month to start paying another full timer - but January/February will be when they start looking for new staff and I'm currently top of everyone's wish list at DAY to join the team! which is nice.
So basically, after a shit year on the job hunting front and not having job offers or interviews. I now have had 3 job offers in 1 week!
Who said the country is in ruins?
That'll do. I'll update before Xmas.

Woggzeh

Ah, Here we are again, a blank page a blank mind and the only blog on the net with 17 followers who probably don't care if I update or not.
So let me tell you about my week.
So last Monday I went for an interview with Phones4U.
I had to get the train to Leeds which is a boring journey. I honestly couldn't commute every day.
Anyway the 'assessment day' and interviews are held in the morning and afternoon respectively. The assessment morning is all about team bonding and drags you so far out of your comfort zone they may as well have stripped me naked and thrown me out into the street.
85 people arrived in the morning and after the introduction speeches a few had sloped off, a thought that had crossed my mind initially, but as I was there I decided to throw myself into it head first.
Once we were split into groups we were sent to our respective corners and my first assessment was this scenario: "You are all on a burning yacht in the middle of the Pacific Ocean there is only one life boat and it can only hold 5 people, you must decide who to save by arguing your usefulness by the item you will bring to the lifeboat" we were all given cards with an item on them and then we had to make our point to be saved. The guy with the Army rations had an easy argument. I had the mosquito net, so I was fucked.
Part 2 was to pitch a phone, we were given sheets with information about a phone, we had 2 minutes to make notes and then stand up in front of everyone and pitch the phone. This was probably my most comfortable challenge as it's just basic selling, I know a thing or two about that and so instead of standing there reeling off the information about the phone, I hit the high points and let my enthusiasm and ability to tell the audience that this phone is fantastic and a marked improvement on the old model to sell the item. I explained that I felt that you can overwhelm people with information that they don't need to know, like the weight of the phone or the operation system, That's information you should know but only offer if you are asked, simple. Anyway, I aced that one.
Part 3 was to draw your perfect moment and talk about if for two minutes. I resisted the temptation to draw some porn, so I drew a cup of tea and a biscuit and explained how a brew is universal in bringing people together and a great way to relax, blah blah blah. Fair to say I did well.
Part 4 was supposedly the easiest challenge, You had to stand in front of everyone and talk about yourself for a timed 2 minutes. This is really difficult to do in front of an audience and I realised on my way home that the people who put their hands in their pockets didn't get asked back for an interview. I learned years ago to keep my hands away from my pockets that it's almost un-natural for me to put my hands in my pockets when nervous, I actually go on the charm offensive.
Anyway I was allowed to speak for 2 and a half minutes. The bloke timing me said I was doing so well he didn't want to stop me. I also used a tip I was told for doing my Best Man speech. That's to focus on a few people who are spread out so it looks as though you are addressing everyone. Simple but effective. Fair to say I aced that one. I later learned that I scored 37 out of 40, which means I scored 10/10 in at least one of my assessments.
I was called back for an interview in the afternoon,this was 2pm and the man said that we could be there for a few hours so if anybody had to be anywhere then let them know and they would process them first. My hand shot up immediately, I didn't have anywhere to be but I couldn't be arsed sitting around for hours for a 5 minute interview so I invented an appointment at 16:30 and I was processed first. How's that for thinking on my feet? Bitches.
I received an email yesterday - Saturday - That I didn't get the job because they have no openings available for me, but they were extremely impressed with me and will keep my details on file and let me know if anything comes up. But bollocks to that I'm a one time only deal.
On Wednesday I started doing voluntary work at a place up Hornbeam Park called Disability Action Yorkshire which is a charity organisation. I work in the warehouse doing a bit of everything and it's right up my street because it's a bit like an auction house/store room. Loads of cool things to be processed and sold. I've been on delivery and collections, processing, administration, sales and next week I'll be cracking on with getting stuff listed on Ebay.
The things we sell are bedroom/bathroom/dining furniture that gets donated. We only deal with quality goods, also we deal with stuff that isn't donated. So if you have an item that you want to sell we can sell it for you and take a commission and everyone is happy, we have a 3 piece suite in for £25 and a huge dining table and chairs for £15. We also have a settee for £2000 so there really is something for everyone and also if you are a trying to furnish a flat and don't want to spend a fortune then it's an ideal solution, it's only early days at the moment so it's not too busy but It's fair to say that I'm loving it. There might be an opportunity to start full time in January too which I'm going to try and get so I'll be working my little socks off and show them that life will be so much easier with me on board.
Here is a picture of my domain:


I think that will do for now. Hope you are all ok.
Laters

Woggzeh

Hello readers.

I don't really have much to say (as usual) but I'm bored and my fingers are hurting from playing my guitar.
I picked up my guitar today for the first time in over a year and tried to tune it, I'm thinking there is something wrong with my manual tuner so I got an app for my phone and five minutes later I have a fully tuned guitar so hats off to that app.
The reason I've picked my guitar up is because I want. No I need to write at least one new song ASAP! the reason behind this is that my old band, Shooter, are planning to reform next year sometime and record a new album.
I say this tentatively because it's still in the stages of "everyone has agreed to do it", the plan is to hire a place for a long weekend or something and practice, write some new tunes together and cut a CD, we did our first album back in 1998 so the difficult second album has been a long time coming, at the very least it will be nice to get away with the lads from the band and have a good time, and why not? I know Jof is as excited about the prospect of this plan as I am so if it all falls flat we can do our own album. HA!
I had a really strange dream last night that involved one of my ex-girlfriends, Baz.
She's called Baz because she has ginger hair, like Basil Brush and it was one of those dreams that leaves you a little shaken when you wake up and, I don't know, a little heartbroken. I have barely spoken to her since we broke up because she hates my guts which is a shame because we were good friends, I think it would be fair to say that when we dated she was my best friend, all I know is that when the relationship ended the angels started crying and never stopped.
I recorded the Na-Na song on my guitar just now and posted it to my Facebook wall, I'm guessing no one will watch it or click 'like' but I don't really care, it's my Wall and I want the song recorded and posted for prosperity.
I haven't checked my Euromillions yet, I could be sat here a millionaire for all I know, if I am then the next post will be sent from aboard my yacht. The couple who won £101 Million the other day said that they would make their friends very rich, which is kind of them, I don't know what I'd do in that position, I'd like to think, as I've always said, that I'd get my closest friends together and pay off their mortgages and I think that's pretty fair. but in reality I'd probably just fuck off and send them a postcard and get some new friends. Such is life. HAHA.
I'm really excited that tonight I am going to watch Jon Richardson and Shappi Khoursandi at the Harrogate theatre. I saw Jon Richardson twice last year and Shappi once, they both made me howl with laughter so I'm really looking forward to that.
I hope Bradbury remembers to turn up, I reminded him about it on Sunday then today he sends a message asking if anyone wants to go for a drink tonight so I phoned him and he had forgotten about the show and even asked me to remind him at 5pm to remind him again. What a knobber!
Anyway, I need to go a shave my head, what hair I have left is getting long and looks stupid, so I give it a grade one every couple of weeks.
I think that's it for this update.
Take care people of the world.

Woggzeh.

Word up bitches.
So it's September and I do hope someone remembers to wake Green Day up at the end of the month.
So yeah, sorry my last update was a load of old tripe, I just like to get a few words down so my timeline over there on the left hand side doesn't miss a month. Once it does miss a month then my OCD will kick in and I'll delete this blog.
So I've got my laptop sorted, I should have written about this in the last blog but I didn't so there, anyway the hard drive fucked up, I tried everything I could to fix it before I had to format it and start again which was a pisser because I lost all my files, nothing that was irreplaceable but you know, you get things how you like it and where you like it and then it's all gone, so I learned a valuable lesson about backing up your files that lesson is: always back up the files you want to keep and don't think losing everything wont ever happen to you! it will it's just a matter of when, however as it's happened to me I don't need to do any backups for, like, ever or something.
The laptop was fucked. I was looking online for a new hard drive so I could fix the problem myself, I found a nice 320GB for about £40 when the postman came and delivered a letter to me, it was from PC world telling my that my laptop warranty was going to run out in 4 weeks, I thought the warranty had run out already so this letter was a blessing. I got Matt to run me up to PC world and said fix my computer and I'll renew my warranty. A couple of weeks later I have a working laptop with a snazzy new 500GB hard drive in place of the 250GB one that fucked up, I asked how much it would have cost to fix if it wasn't under warranty and the bloke said about £130, so as soon as I got home I filled out the form for 2 more years warranty for £57!!!! cheap and worth it for that piece of mind.
So go back up your shit and renew your warranty.
My mate Jenny was on Eggheads the other day which just about goes to show how exciting my life is when in MY blog I talk about other peoples endeavours! she did really well and knocked out fat Chris, ,unfortunately she didn't go on to win the Jackpot but it was a good effort, here's a picture for those who don't believe me.



Job wise Harrogate is fucking shite. I actually managed to apply for every job I could possibly do last month and heard back from one job saying thanks but no thanks. It's really frustrating as it looks like I'm not trying for a job or don't want a job or you know, I doubt myself and get really depressed some days and it's just shit, then I go to the job centre and they say, "we have some bar work for you" and I tell them to stick their bar work up their arses, While I feel in a normal environment I will happily never drink again, if I was working in a bar I honestly don't know if I could trust myself to stay sober, so I'm staying away from that line of work, which is a shame because I used to be a kick ass barman.
Had an idea which I have shared with Jof about doing some music, I need to speak to to Mr Bullough, Mr Barker and Mr Chiu before confirming anything but a plan is being drawn up, if nothing happens then this is the last word on it, ok!!!
In other news, I don't have a car so I compensate this by having a massive penis!

Laters Wogzeh

Bloody hell, I haven't blogged in over a month, no wonder you are all getting restless and rioting in the streets. You know you could have just sent me a gentle reminder.
So, yeah, shit. I've got nothing for ya.
I've been watching some fucking hilarious tv shows that I think you should all check out, the first one is called 30 Rock and if you don't want to watch the comedy I think it's worth watching just for Katrina Bowden.
The other show that has had me in hysterics is called Community it's so funny I have actually laughed out loud while watching it in bed, it also has Chevy chase in it so you know it's a winner already.
Fuck, I swear I had things planned to write in this blog but now I'm sat here writing it I can't think of anything.
So I'll bid you farewell and save any good stuff for the next blog.

Woggzeh

Whoop Whoop. Hello everyone, I'm awesome, you're not, what you gonna do about it?

I'm in an awesome mood, don't know why, if I had to come up with a reason I would say it's because I'm no longer stressed to fuck regarding Bullough's wedding and a certain best man speech. For those who weren't there, you missed a fucking amazing day, loads of people turned up to hear my speech and Dave and Hannah were an amazing support act!
I went down to Malvern on my birthday, I had dozens of lovely messages from you all on my facebook wall and through text messages including one from Marisa Merico (If you google her you will see that she is the former head of an Italian Mafia family) and a lovely birthday message from the love of my life Louise Wener (singer from the band Sleeper).
When I got down to Malvern it was all hands on deck to get the marquee ready for the big day, there was only so much we could do without the tables and chairs (which were arriving Friday) so I managed to make myself look busy while doing very little, I think I got away with it too because Dave said well done and bought my lunch and evening meal.
Checked into the Foley Arms, proper nice digs, the kind of place where I feel like an imposter and was scared to touch anything in case I broke it and had to pay for it, I had a shower and used the hotel towel, to re-iterate how posh this gaff was the white towel was white and didn't have any stains on it where the previous user had "done the Egyptian".
Then we went down to the curry house which was over the road, Dave, Hannah, Shrago and a lovely creature called Jenny (whom I have met before at a party and was drunk so I probably made a terrible first impression). The food was really nice and I was back in my digs for about 10:30pm where I ran through my speech with Shrago, I told him to be fiercely critical as this was the last opportunity to change stuff, I wouldn't have been offended if he said it was shite, I'd rather know. you know?
Anyway, after the speech and he managed to stop laughing, he said it was spot on and there was no need to change a thing, which was a huge relief.
The Friday was more of the same, work work work, there were a few more people there to help and Jenny helped me put up the Chinese lanterns, I say she helped with that part, she more or less shouted at me to go left or right with the things - Jenny is one of those girls who 'tells it like it is' and I really like people like that, no need to fuck around pleasing people, A girl who is very much take me as you find me, fair to say I liked her ALOT!
We spent most of the morning doing the buntings, the table and chairs even trying to get the best table for ourselves, which we managed to fuck up by not looking at the seating arrangement properly, I say "We" fucked up but it was actually all Jenny's fault!
After that day of working we all (family and ushers and bridesmaids) went for a meal at some pub. WOW, proper nice food, made me realise how much shit I actually eat in my day to day life.
Jenny tried to get us to guess what sport she plays, I guess it in one but it took Shrago ages, (the answer is roller derby - I guessed in one because Hannah had told me the day before, see, I do listen!!)
It's a crazy sport mainly played by lesbians (Jenny isn't a lesbian though) and they just beat fuck out of each other, pretty cool. After the meal we headed back to town where Robin and myself met Trelly and Bradbury in some shithole pub that was full of kids, I stayed for one drink then sloped off back to the digs to write my speech onto speech cards. I slept less than 3 hours that night.
Saturday arrived and I forced my breakfast down me, full English, top fucking notch!
Then I went down to the field to do the final preparations, moving all the chairs AGAIN! This time I didn't have Jenny watching over me so I managed to do very little.
Time flew! it got to about 1:15 and we had to leave, get back to the digs, shower and change into our fancy get up and get back to the field by 2pm, it was crazy but we managed it, then we had an hour of taking photo's and meeting new people and old friends.
Hannah was 30 minutes late and she looked fucking awesome. The ceremony was beautiful, a Humanist ceremony is all about the bride and groom, their family and friends, non of this God and religion crap, I really enjoyed it.
After the ceremony there were drinks and chatting, loads of people asking me if I was nervous about my speech, some with advice, some good, some bad, some telling me that they have been best man and know exactly what I was going through and it was these people who seemed to enjoy watching me squirm! I'll probably be the same at my next wedding now I am in that exclusive club. Shrago, it must be said was full of support and kept reassuring me that everything would be cool and even attempted to teach me some breathing techniques.
The food was mega and I managed to eat loads, then at about 8pm, I remembered I still had a speech to do and I bolted!
I was outside pacing for about 30 minutes, Shrago came out to talk to me, Jenny came out to talk to me, it was nice but I was screwed.
Hannah's dad started the speeches and it was really good, then Hannah did a speech and it was even better, then Dave did a speech and it was great - The bar had been set so high by now there was only one person in the room who could raise it, and that was me! FUCK!!!!
I actually can't remember much about the speech, I know it went really well, I also remember saying, "Sorry, I'm shaking like a shitting dog" which got a huge laugh but it wasn't intentional at all, the mix of sincerity and humour followed by the crescendo (the Bangor joke) was perfect (apparently) and only offended a few people, which is cool. I had actually run that joke past Hannah a few weeks beforehand to make sure it was ok, but I don't think she was expecting the reaction that it got.
Afterwards was a bit of a blur too, I was trying to get outside to smoke my victory cigar and everyone wanted to shake my hand and congratulate me, which was immense, some said it was "fucking brilliant" others said I was really brave to do the Bangor joke, but all in all I fucking rocked and I don't know why I was so nervous, I also think I made everyone around me nervous too, so sorry about that people.
the after party was brilliant, I dazzled everyone with my dance moves, I danced and chatted for ages with a lovely young lass called Helen. The night flew past and before I knew it, it was 3am, we all piled back to Andy Chiu's room for a mini-party, Finally getting into the shower and crawling into my bed at just after 5am.
I was up at 9am for brekkers and I felt like a new man, all those weeks of stress and sleepless nights were gone.
After breakfast I went to meet Jenny at the pub where we were joined by Jof and Jen, we had a great chat before Jenny had to leave to go clear up the marquee and go to a BBQ, I managed to get out of these duties by coming back to Harrogate.
All in all, it was an amazing weekend, I met some wonderful people, whom I hope will remain friends for a long time, I caught up with old friends whom I haven't seen for a while. And I saw my best friend get married to the girl of his dreams, and in all that, Dave wanted little old me to stand by his side and be his best man, an honour that makes me so proud I want to cry.

Woggzeh

There should be a copy of my speech HERE if you fancy a read.

Hello everyone.

So the results are back from the doctor and I'm pleased to say it's not as bad as originally anticipated.
I've been diagnosed with "helicobacter pylori" Which is pretty nasty but easily treatable although the treatment will probably make me feel pretty rough, but never mind, it's only for a week to a fortnight providing the treatment actually works.
PHEW!
I just wanted to say thank you to everyone for your support and best wishes, it has been shit and I've naturally been worried, recent added stress from a certain person hasn't helped at all (she will remain nameless on this occasion). But it's time to put myself first on this one, especially for the next week or so. So don't expect me to be Mister Happy-go-lucky. So I'll apologise for that in advance.
Thanks again everyone for your help and support. I love you all dearly.

Woggzeh.

Hello, I should probably save this blog for a day so I have post for June but I can't be arsed waiting an hour, so here it is now.
Since we last spoke I've been on Dave Bullough's stag do, if you remember I'm his best man, you hear that? BEST FUCKING MAN! So the stag do was down to me, although I had a lot of help from Robin, I still took all the credit and I'd like to announce that [I think] it was a roaring success!
To say I needed a weekend away with the lads, to forget about everything and just have fun, is an understatement and I know a few others there said the same about their situations but they don't have a blog to pour their hearts out and moan like fuck to others, so I'm glad everyone could get together and laugh and be lads and not worry about life or what anyone thought of our toilet humour or acting like a silly bugger. The point of this stag do was for everyone to have fun!
There was ALOT of drinking, so much so that I started to think I might have to roll my sleeves up and help get through the mountain of beer, but I resisted (apart from a magnificent mouthful of JD and Coke to Chris and Jof's horror), shamefully there was beer left over come Monday morning when it was time to leave, this was divvied up and I got a bottle of coke and a couple of pot noodles out of the deal.
Everyone who did the go ape activity said it was awesome, sadly I had doctors orders and couldn't do it, so I played on the pool table in our digs.
The Friday night I got about 4 hours sleep then on the Saturday, after a really nice meal and a shit nightclub, back to the digs for a party with a few birds, the hardcore few (including me) managed to go to bed at 7am, at 7:30 I woke up to Bradburys alarm going off, this was a practical joke that backfired as it failed to wake Bradbury! I managed to get back to sleep and got up at 9am! a whole two hours sleep and I was ready for.........nothing.
Robin, who had helped me plan the weekend really wanted to book something to do on the Sunday but I said it was a bad idea and it turned out I was right, everyone who wasn't going home just wanted to chill out and have a lazy day, which was fine by me.
We didn't stitch Dave up as is usually expected on a stag do because I know Dave very well and while he would have gone along with it to not look like a spoil sport, he wouldn't have liked it, so I put the kybosh on that idea and as it happened, he thanked me for not stitching him up.
I would like to remind him that if he thinks he got away lightly, I still have a speech to deliver at his wedding!
Medical news:
I saw the doctor today and had some good news finally from my blood test, my first one had some anomalies so I had another one and the results show that I'm good, the medication I'm taking for my cysts are working and controlling the problem.
I still have another problem with my stomach for which I recently had an ultrasound and on Thursday I'm having an endoscopy, which is a camera that goes down your throat into your stomach to see what's wrong, I hope that it's cleaned and the last time it was used wasn't to look up somebodys arse!
All joking aside, I'm really scared about it, I'm not scared of the result, it's the procedure that's keeping me awake at night and I think it's probably why I've been abit quiet and snappy with people these last few days, if I've been different with any of you recently then I am truly sorry, normal service should be resumed shortly.
The hospital sent me a letter detailing the procedure and because I am opting to have drugs to knock me out, I have to have a resposible adult with me to look after me and make sure I get home safe, I was going to go with my dad but he's a bit poorly this week so it's not fair, which left me with a dilemma as I don't want to ask people to give up a morning to help me and there are very few people I love and trust enough to let them help me, thankfully Dave Bullough is coming over from Morley to be with me and to be honest, after my dad, he was top of my list, so thanks for that dude, it really means a lot to me to have you here and if I cry I know you wont judge me for being a baby (as he already knows I'm a big baby).
I've now got 13 followers for this blog, which is incredible. I don't know who the fuck you all are, but I thank you all from the bottom of my heart for actually reading the drivvel that I write, please identify yourselves as it's driving me mad!
Most of my friends can't be arsed reading this and a few even take the piss for writing it, but I'm finding, more and more, it's a good release for the bottled up worries and moans that I have.
Tomorrow (June 1st 2011) is the 100th anniversary of my Nana's birth, she died a few years ago now, but, I don't know. it's kinda cool and I felt it was worth mentioning. RIP nana.
Finally.....since I finished the last blog on a miserable, depressing end, I've got a rather amusing story to finish this one.
My friend, Paul (who is the most unlucky man I know), was walking his dog on the stray when he found a baby crow (a chick?) so he, I don't know what he did actually, I'm guessing he played with it, anyway, the mother crow spots him and attacks him! scaring the shit out of Paul, cutting his head. Thus meaning he had to go to hospital for a tetanus jab! The funniest part of the story is his girlfriends facebook status: "Just got back from a 2hr wait in the hospital after Paul got attacked by a crow!" I fell about laughing when I read that. Sometimes life is too funny!

Well that'll do my friends.
Please could my 13 followers contact me, I'm on facebook "collywog" or Twitter "woggzeh" or leave a comment, I wont publish your comment if you don't want me to do so. I just really want to know who you are.

Take care.

Woggzeh

Hello everyone, sorry for the delay in updating, I couldn't be arsed basically.
So since we last spoke I've been on a canalboat weekend. Get comfortable as I'll tell you all about it.
Bradbury was supposed to pick me up at 11:30 to set off for Wales, at 11:29 I got a text saying he'll be running late and wont be picking me up untill 12.00, I asked why and the lazy git had only just got up, was eating his breakfast and hadn't packed! Anyway we eventually picked everyone up and set off an hour late, we still managed to get to Trevor (the canal boat place) with 10 minutes to spare so it was all good.
The weekend was fantastic, we had great weather and it's definitely an experience I'd do again, although I don't want to drive the boat as it's not as easy as it looks and there was only one phone charger socket between 8 of us so that got a bit tedious. There were plenty of funny moments but I can't be arsed to write about them, just ask if you want to know anymore.
It's funny you know, because everyone I've spoke to about the holiday has said the exact same thing, "I've always wanted to do canal boating", well go fucking do it then! it's awesome and not that expensive. Honestly, give it ago.
Jof and Jenny came up for the Royal wedding weekend which was fantastic, I fucking love seeing Jof and I really need to sort something out so we all see each other more often. I don't know what like, maybe a big skype conference call or something.
I thought I'd found love too with an amazing girl called Vicki, but like everything I touch, I managed to fuck it all up, she says we will always be BFF's but I think that she might retract that statement, to say I'm gutted about it would be an understatement, but as the old saying goes, "If it's meant to be,she'll come back". At least it gives me a chance to read High Fidelity again as that book always cheers me up when my heart gets broken (that and the Godfather).
More miserable news, (been a rough week) is that I have cancerous cysts on my pancreas, Luckily this time they are benign and I am on treatment to sort them out,they are causing me a lot of pain and I feel like I am going to be sick most of the time. The thing with these cysts is that now they have started, they will return again and again, eventually they wont be benign and, well, you all know what happened to Patrick Swayze.
Obviously I talked with the doctor and he gave me a window between 6 months and 60 years! which sounds good but since I'm going to be in pain for most of that time, I'm not sure how I feel about that, plus with the luck I'm having at the moment, I think I'll be lucky to see Christmas.
I already told my doctor that I don't want surgery because, well,because I'm scared, I'm more scared of surgery than I am of dying! how fucked up is that? Anyway, it's more stress and worry and that doesn't help anything. I've already stepped up my bucket list and contacted the Blues bar about doing a open mic slot as I really miss performing my music. Another thing I'd like to do is be friends again with my ex - Baz, but I doubt she'll ever talk to me again and would probably dance on my grave if she could, so I'll not worry too much about that one.
Fuck it's depressing knowing that you've got a time bomb inside of you and you don't know whan it's going to go off.
Basically, Enjoy me while you can!

Glad I could end this blog on a happy note.
hope you are all ok, dear readers.

Woggzeh.

So I've decided to do a blog because Janine told me to write one or she'll un-friend me on facebook, which is quite a good threat even though I don't believe her.
It's a nice day so I thought, fuck it, why not get some words down on the page and that'll be it for another month (hopefully).
So as you'd expect I haven't done a right lot since last time you read my words, so I don't really have much to say.
I've been reacquainting myself with the band LUSH, more specifically Miki Berenyi, whom I forgot was pretty fucking hot, but then again when I was 15, EVERY girl in a band was pretty hot, I've also been listening to Echobelly which had another hot singer called Sonya Madan, she's still doing the rounds in a band called calm of zero, who look like they do acoustic gigs in the London area, so you know, check em out if they are near you, I've listened to some of their stuff and it's pretty cool.
Been out for drinks with a girl called Vicki the other day, we sat in the sun and talked about everything and nothing, it's weird 'cos she's pretty ace but not looking for a fella and I'm, well, I'm me, so you know, I doubt that'll develop into anything, but watch this space.
I'm going canal boating down in Wales this weekend which should be awesome especially if the weather is hot, like it's predicted to be. Call me a nerd but I'm really looking forward to working the locks, I think they are an amazing design, so they should be fun and I've bagsied doing the first one so you can't go back on a bagsie.
Well I think that'll do for now, I might blog after the weekend if the trip was worthy of a blog.

toodle ooh.

Woggzeh.

So yeah, here we are again, end of the Month and I'm putting words on the page for the sake of not missing a month.
So what's new? sweet F.A.
Been playing T.V Tycoon on my computer, it is possible the worst game ever, but hopelessly addictive.
No news on the finding a job fiasco, which is really wearing me down.
No news on the love life, in fact, the less said about that the better. Thank you!
I watched a VERY funny comedian on Monday at the theatre called Craig Campbell, check him out if you can, I'm sure he'll be playing at a venue near you and I guarantee you wont be disappointed. Same goes for Milton Jones, I saw him a couple of weeks ago and I was physically aching with laughter, so that was awesome.
I got tickets to see Lee Evans at Harrogate theatre too, he's playing on May 1st, it's a strange gig actually as he's road testing new material before he goes on tour later in the year, and the poster says, 'may be using notes' which is awesome, some jokes will be so new, he doesn't even know them himself!
Canal Boating next month, that should be good as I've always fancied a bit of boating and I've been watching 'the boat that guy built' on the BBC which is a tremendous show, check it out.
Almost got Bulloughs stag do sorted, but I'm at a loss of what to do on the Sunday as I think everyone will have a hangover and so wont want to do activities, so I don't want to book anything and get left high and dry, plus a lot of people will be travelling home on the Sunday so will probably want to be away by early afternoon, so it might just be a trip to the pencil and James Bond Museum and then back to the pubs for those who are staying the extra night. I just don't know.
Anyway, I think that'll do for now.
Will update next month.

Woggzeh

So, guess which prick went out tonight and drank coke and can't fucking sleep.

So, what's new, nowt! is there ever anything new? my life is dull, always is.
I'm off to the comedy night on Monday, that should be good, some comic called Tom Wrigglesworth, google him, he seems quite funny. That's about the highlight of my month.
I've become shamelessly addicted to Ebay, selling my old toys and various rubbish for cash! I made about £200 this month on crap that was just in my attic. mainly he-man toys and thundercats toys.
I've also been buying loads of cool Superman stuff from Ebay, got a couple of awesome pendants formy chain, and I'm looking at getting a cool superman watch. I've also managed to get a load of superman books, I really wish I could find my collection of superman comics, a couple I have are worth about £100 each, but I have a bad feeling that I lent them to some cunt and never got them back!
I started watching the Sopranos recently and the first few episodes are crap, but now I'm on season 3 and totally addicted, which is great.
Thank fuck for Spotify, I've got my ear plugs in and listening to some great music, Elvis (costello), Roy Orbison, Supernaturals, echobelly, loads and loads, basically I'm listening to everything that you wouldn't listen to.
Had a few problems with my diabetes recently, which is quite worrying, fact is that I'd probably be dead now if I was living on my own as I often slip into a mini coma like state and have tobe forcefully shaken awake, quite worrying as there isn't much I can do about my insulin control, I think it's a risk I'm going to have to live with.
I had a gallstone recently, It was quite painful, naturally I went online and diagnosed cancer, but the doctor quashed my fears and gave me some pills to settle the pain and, touch wood, it's all cleared up.
Ibought some fucking awesome superman film cells and printedoff some cool superman pictures and got some frames and made a great presentation picture which is now hanging nicely on my wall.
Oh yeah. I updated collywogs bloggy blog with a post about Libya. Read it if you've nowt better to do.
Well,I think that'll do for this month.
laters

Woggzeh

Hello people.

Happy New Year. Can I still say that on the 18th of January/ I don't care really, it's my blog, I'll write Merry bloody Christmas if I like.
So, new year:
I went to Keswick with the gang plus extras, which was cool, I stayed in some really nice digs with Trelly and Bradders, who were also suitably impressed with the digs. the town of Keswick is nice, and for new year everyone goes out into the town square and stands by the countdown clock then at the midnight hour everyone goes mental. Which is cool, after ten or fifteen minutes of this we all decided to go to a club but lost each other in the crowds, as I was chasing a bird, I had tunnel vision and so we went to the club with her mate and Trelly and Bradders expecting to find the others in there, but no, the others had gone to the pub next door, so in essence I paid £6 to go into a shit club where I spent a maximum of 20 minutes. So that was a bit wanky.
Did the cat bells walk on new years day which was a piece of piss. I moaned that it was hard and I wasn't having fun all the way up the hill, but it was really easy and to prove this point, I was second to the top.
Not much happened for the first couple of weeks in January, spoke to a sexy German lady on messenger, she's totally into me, but doesn't know it yet, and the fact that she hasn't spoken to me in a week makes me think that she's playing the quiet game, like most girls do with me.
This weekend was Jof and Jen's wedding party, if you remember I wrote that they buggered off on holiday to get married and thus Saturday the 15th was their celebration party so I went down to Reading with Bullough and Hannah.
The party was mega and it was great to see Jof and Jen as well as Jof's family who I've not seen for 12 years, how everyone has grown up is mental, Simon is bloody huge! last time I saw him he was throwing a tantrum on the floor and Bethan has grown up too from the 14 year old kid who, I suspect, hated all of Jof's friends because I don't remember her ever talking more than 3 words, still, it was great to see everyone, Chris was there with his bird, the lovely Jana, who I though was a smashing lass, she probably thought I was a right dick, but what the fuck, she was cool.
We stayed at the Novotel in Reading which is a proper nice place to stay, but book early as to pay on the door would have cost £255 per night and I booked it for £71 a night including breakfast.
well it's now Tuesday and I've updated this blog, so I'm going to go eat my tea now.
laters

Woggzeh.

Hello people.
Well, Christmas is over and the sales have begun, which doesn't really matter because no one has any money so they can't go and buy anything, but never-the-less, town will be busy, so I'm avoiding it.
I suppose you could say that I've had a good Christmas, I got loads of books that I requested, which is good as I needed some new books, (when you read between 1 and 2 books a week, you soon run out) I also got a set of darts so I'll have to take them with me round to the snooker club and make use of the dart board there.
The whole family came round which meant my (almost) four year old niece came too and she was super excited about Santa visiting and bringing her presents, and she got LOTS of presents, so she was energetic and squealing with delight most of the day, which is fun for a minute, but after a while it gives you a headache and by 7 pm I was thoroughly miserable so I went round to Trelly's where we watched Toy Story 3, which almost made me cry and Shrek Forever After, which didn't make me cry.
Also had a message from a pretty lady in Harrogate with a very sexy name (Her name is Katja, so using my detective skills I think she's originally European and you know what a sucker I am for European girls) anyway, she has been reading my blog, and decided to tell me that she enjoys it very much and I shouldn't bring it to an end in the near future. Well, I'll think about it, it's nice to know people read my blog, so anyway, she runs a computer training and repairs company, so if you have a computer that's buggered, then contact her, or if you or someone you know got a computer for Christmas and needs to be shown how to operate it then contact her as this is what she specialises in.
the website is : PC HARMONY
Take a look, it's worth a look just for the picture on the front page of a pretty woman.
Keswick on Friday, can't wait for that, then a few weeks later I'll be heading down to Reading for Jof's wedding bash which will be exciting.
Apparently they have started selling Easter eggs in the one stop shop on crab lane. this is ridonkulous!
Went to FIRE at Rehab last night which was a great night, Chris was DJ-ing between 11:30 and 1am and he did a good set although it felt like someone hit the atmosphere button at about 01:30 as it got a bit shit, anyway, like good soldiers we stayed out for another hour or so, I think I cot home at about 3am, but it could have been 4am I can't remember, terrible, I wasn't even drinking and my memory has gone to shit.
So yeah.
Think that brings us up to date.
Happy New Year to you all.

Woggzeh

Well, it's here again, it's Christmas, almost the twenty fifth of the twelfth.
Are you all ready for the big day? pretty fucked now if you're not aren't ya? Well the shops still have some shit in, so you'll have a chance of buying something to give to your loved ones.

Here's a Christmas tip: Stab the box full of air holes BEFORE you put the puppy in it.

So yeah, I'm all done, have been for about three weeks, which is very organised of me, in truth it's just because I can't be arsed leaving it till the last minute and then panicking, so I get it out of the way and forget about it. I'm not really in a Christmassy mood, can't seem to get the Christmas joy on, I don't know why, maybe It's because I know that in a couple of days time I have to smile and be merry and that bloody pisses me off. I know it's only one day a year and all that bollocks but I'd rather be grumpy, and on my own, with my egg and chips.
Chris barker is stuck in New York, which normally would be cool, but he can't get back until Christmas day and I was planning on going out with him tonight so he's fucked that up for me. Today's title is dedicated to him. Hopefully he'll be back in time for boxing day and the FIRE party which is in 3D, should be good as I have my own proper wicked 3D shades which will make me look like the coolest kid on the block and I'll be surrounded by girls!
New year should be a laugh as we are going to Keswick for jollifications.
Well all that leaves me to say is Merry Christmas and Happy New Year people.
Here is your Christmas card:




Woggzeh

Bloody hell, the last day of the month comes earlier and earlier, by the time we get to February, the last day of the month will probably be on the 28th or something.
So, It's snowing, there's not much more to say than that really, you've seen snow before, it hasn't come as a surprise, really. It's just there and it's cold and miserable.
speaking of cold and miserable, I had the cold and miserable virus the other week, my nose was running with snot and I had a nasty cough and generally felt unwell, so I stayed in bed for a whole day, needless to say, this virus was an epidemic in Harrogate, everyone seemed to get it, which is nice.
I've done most of my Christmas shopping and am now waiting for it to arrive via the postman. I couldn't be arsed going around the shops this year so I've ordered everything on-line, now all I need to do is wait around till the stuff shows up, which it probably wont and then I'll have to go trawl around the shops on Christmas eve looking for presents. Stupid fucking Postman!
Saw Jim Jefferies live doing his show - Alcoholocaust. He was bloody hilarious, and so far past the line of decency I was nearly offended! imagine that. He was bloody good.
The big news really is about Jof, as you probably all know now, Jof went and got himself married at the beginning of the month with Reading reporting a massive increase in female suicides when the news was announced.
So yeah, I'm still shocked, Jof's just a boy in my eyes, a wee whipper snapper, but fair play to him, he found a girl that liked him and snapped it up. May they have a long and happy life together. Mazel tov!
Well, I'm gonna cut this short again, I'm bored of doing this blog, I think that once the year is done I'll shut it all down. I know I say this every year, but I'm really bored now, in fact I'll finish on January 14th 2011, then that'll make the blog exactly five years old when I finish, which isn't a bad run for blogs nowadays.
Anyway.
Laters 'taters

Woggzeh

shit shit shit shit.
Forgot to blog this month, last day of October and now I'm blank.
Erm.. I went to see the comedian Kevin Bridges do his funny stuff, that was ace, also met him in the Alex after the show, had a chat with him and got his autograph, which is mega.
After that, I went to see, Shappi Khoursandi and Jon Richardson do their comedy show, which were also bloody brilliant, although I didn't get their autographs which is a shame.
Tonight is Halloween, went out last night and it was great, all the girls were dressed in Halloween costumes, which is basically an invitation for girls to dress like sluts. I approve! it makes the night out worth it.
Bonfire next Saturday, should be good, it'll rain as it always rains.
Sorry this is short, but I can't be arsed.

Woggzeh

Bloody hell, just got time to squeeze in a blog update before October starts.
Loads has happened this month, fucked if I can remember it, my memory has gone to shit, I'm blaming the insulin I take, It's fucking up my brain.
The big news is that Bullough has asked me to be his best man at his wedding, it's a huge responsibility which makes me question why he asked me to do it?
I've been working on a few gags for the speech which isn't easy as Dave hasn't really done anything worth mentioning, but I'll just make some shit up, it might be easier if he blacks his face up to make some of the jokes work, but I'll speak to him about it, otherwise I'm truly fucked.
Truth is, I'm excited about doing it, sorry, I meant fucking terrified.
I'm only worried about it because I've been to two weddings in my life and can't remember anything about the best man speeches, and I take so little interest in other peoples lives I don't actually know what I have to do, I've looked on the internet for stuff, found some amazing stuff there too, but sadly I had to close those pages and get back to best man stuff. So if anyone has any tips of advice on what I need to do between now and the wedding then I'd appreciate it.
I'm meeting up with Dave next week and hopefully that'll clarify some of my duties so I can get to work, who knows, if I do a good job at being best man, maybe he'll let me be best man at his next wedding?
It was Trellys birthday yesterday so we went out to the pub, which was fun and for those who missed it, we are doing the same on Saturday and will probably be repeating the same conversations and I'll definitely be doing the same old gags, so that's something you can avoid, I did get a lovely cheeseburger on the way home, so that was a bonus.
I won fuck all on the lottery, which has scuppered my plans, I was hoping to win the ten million then spend it all on Euromillions lotto tickets and win that one, it's going to be £82 million this week, which is just about enough for me to live on.
Saw Chris Barker last week, that was nice, he was up for a few days, so we went out up town, nothing much happened, Jof texted me, which was also nice.

That is all.

Woggzeh

So tonight (now) I can't sleep and it's 05.30 I'm sat in bed typing on my new laptop, it's a rather snazzy netbook I picked it up from pissyworld for just less than £200 (Advent Milano - go look it up) the only problem I have with it thus faris that the space bar is too small so I keep joining up words, I also keep looking up and I am typing a sentence three lines up in the middle of a sentence I wrote minutes ago, I'm guessing that my stupid hands keeps whacking some button and the cursor jumps upwards because Windows decided that would be a handy feature.
Anyway, I went out with the lads tonight and while it was a good night, I fear I'm getting old and ready for retirement, I was ready to come home at midnight because I wanted to read my book, it's also annoying being the only sober one about because everyone else thinks I'm not enjoying myself and trys to involve me in talking loud and dancing, when in actual fact, I'm more than happy to sit in the corner with my diet coke and observe, but you try telling people that!, as Bradbury said, "I'm always concious that you're sober and not having fun." I am having fun! I'm very comfortable with my own company, but, seriously, you try telling that to your mates on a night out and they think you are being a miserable cunt.
There were quite a few nice birds out tonight which is always a bonus, naturally I didn't talk to them unless I knew them and then I never know what to say to them because I think I'm shy, either that or I am a miserable cunt, in fact I could talk to these girls all night but I'm constantly terrified that I'll bore them to death, It's amazing how self concious you are when you haven't had a drink, anyway, it's always nice to hear them tell me I'm looking good, even though I think that people say that even if you look like death warmed up, but hey, never one to pass up a compliment.
I went to tribfest last weekend and it was fucking brilliant, I thought it would be proper shit but I'm glad to have been proved wrong because it was awesome, the weather was mega hot and I got burned but fuck that, the entertainment was brilliant, and I'm happy to say I'm now a rejuvinated Pink Floyd fan as I had totally forgotten how good they were.
I want to go to Tribfest 2011 but it looks like I'm the only one who does. I think what I liked about it most is the relaxed atmosphere, it was nothing like your Glastonburys and Leeds/Reading or your V, which has 24 hour knobheads and if you stand withing 100 metres of the stage you get crushed, gobbed on or have a bottle of whatever thrown over you. No. Tribfest is chilled, you can take your chair if you want and sit and watch the bands, (I didn't take my chair like, I was up there in the front row pogo-ing to nearly all the bands). So yeah, Tribfest is the way to go.
I need to find some software for my computer so I can record some music and then record some solo bits and then overlay the two so it sounds proper, so if anyone can reccomend some mixing/recording software that's easy to use then let me know, I've asked Barker a million times and a million times he's reccomended something and I've forgotten what he suggested.
Anyway it's 6am now and I might as well get up, I'm guessing that I was given regular coke instead of diet coke which would explain my inability to sleep.

Thanks for reading

Woggzeh.

Bloody hell, the month goes quick doesn't it?
Actually it doesn't but I kept putting back and putting back the writing of this blog and now it's the last day of the month and now I'm here, with a blank head and cold fingers.
The beginning of the month saw my 30th birthday and I went to Blackpool with some friends, On the Friday we went out and met Steve and Heather who took me and Bradbury clubbing because everyone else went to bed early, we stayed out until about 03:30 and then jumped in a taxi, the taxi driver wanted to take us to a brothel, and Bradders (always open to suggestion after a few drinks) thought it was a great idea, luckily, being sober I made the executive decision to go back to the digs and have a kip, promising the driver we would goto the brothel tomorrow night. I got up about 8am on the Saturday, had a cracking breakfast then we all went to the pleasure beach and a couple of rides that were cool, then walked along the beach and went to the sealife centre, then went to a few bars. The Walkabout bar was pretty cool except the queue for the bar was a bitch, luckily they opened the upstairs bar and that sorted the problem, Bradbury also found out that if I declared myself the 'designated driver' then I got free soft drinks all night, so I was chuffed about that. After the walkabout everyone except me, Bradbury and Matt went home and so, we went to a lap dancing bar (well, it was my birthday) we spent about 30 minutes in there in the company of some very pretty ladies, Matt was skint so he somehow managed to get a lap dance for £8, I'm just glad I wasn't there when he was coppering up to pay the girl. After that Matt wanted to go home, fair enough, so we set off, and the Matt complained all the way home that he wanted a wee and we were walking too slow, (we were eating pizza and chatting to women).
We came home on the Sunday and that was that, I loved it, had a great weekend, which is all that mattered to me, I'll definitely be going back (with Bradders, who loved it too) but for the rest of my party........I think they'd be happier having their teeth pulled! (Admittedly the best part of the trip was the broken car park machine that gave us about £150 over the course of the weekend).
The rest of the month has been pretty non eventful. I got some tickets to see Reginald D. Hunter and Kevin Bridges playing at the theatre, which will go nicely with my ticket to see Jim Jefferies there too, Harrogate is getting some really good comedy acts at the moment, with a monthly comedy night and now a two week comedy festival in October.
On Monday just gone, I had to go back to Blackpool for a job, and when we arrived it was like CSI Blackpool. Sadly a nurse had been murdered on the sunday night and the forensic team were there in full regalia, with the white tents and full white suits, just like on the television, only on the television you don't get that atmosphere that something dreadful has happened, Weird.
I've knocked bread on the head this week, just getting sick of the same old sandwiches, so I've been eating pasta and fruit, it's been nice and I've lost 5 lbs since last Monday, which is quite shocking as I hadn't thought of it as dieting. Goes to show that dieting isn't that hard at all.
hey did anyone watch Sherlock last weekend? it was pretty fucking good.

Anyway. I think that'll do for now.

Woggzeh

Well, I suppose I should write a few words down as I've not blogged in over a month.
since the last blog I've been to Coniston, camping, which was great and I've done some other stuff. And that brings us up to date.
On Monday I went to the hyena comedy lounge at the Harrogate theatre to see three comedians they were Jon Richardson (off the telebox), Lloyd Langford (who writes for Nevermind the Buzzcocks) and Dan Atkinson (who writes for Russell Howard). The show was fantastic and for only £10 a ticket, who can ask for more? I will be making the comedy night (last Monday of every month) a regular event, the comedians did a routine on Social networking and used some tweets from Twitter on the big screen, (ones that mentioned Harrogate as thats where they were) and lo and behold, one of my tweets was used, so I got to shout out, 'whoop' when they asked if Woggzeh was in the audience, All very exciting, they also used Matt's tweet but he wasn't there so he doesn't count.
I also bought tickets to see Jim Jefferies at the theatre in November, that's sure to be good too, there are a few other shows I want to see, (Kevin Bridges, Reginald D. Hunter) but they will have to wait until I get some more shiny pennies in my pocket.
So next week(July 7th) is my 30th, I am going to Blackpool on the 9th and 10th for a bit of a weekend away, I wanted to get down to Bath, but it was a bit of a pain in the arse getting everyone down there for a couple of nights, so we are going to Blackpool instead, and staying in Lees mums digs.
Englands world cup went well didn't it? Well I think that's enough talking about those prats.
I can't be arsed writing anymore, gonna go get some food and play a computer game, I'm hopelessly addicted to tv tycoon, which is probably the worst game ever made, but I can't put it down, mental!

All the best

Woggzeh.

Jesus F. christ it's been a while since I blogged, you'll be glad to know that I've got loads to tell you, you'll be less glad to read that I can't remember what it is I have to tell you, so, bollocks, I'll just wing it.

Hello.

My name is Woggzeh and it's been sixteen months since my last drink.
I say that because when I have dreams that involve me being in a pub or around alcohol, I'm a non-drinker in my dreams now, which I think is strange but rather cool, this time last year I would dream that I would be enjoying a cheeky pint of lager or guinness or the like, but now I'm always on the soft drinks, don't know why, don't really care, just fills a paragraph on my blog
I've been working hard recently, which is good because with hard work comes good money and I need money, lots of it.
I bought a new snooker cue today because my other one has managed to warp itself into the shape of a banana and I'm sick of getting shitty breaks and blaming my tools, so now I have a new cue, I don't have any excuses for my shitty breaks, which is fine by me.
Camping in Coniston is in a couple of weeks and I'm really looking forward to that as long as the weather picks up abit, I heard that it was snowing in the lakes the other day, just what you want when you are living in a tent.
I'm arranging the music for camping and it's a mega-mix of mega-ness you can get some awesome mixes on youtube, just copy and paste "Stock Aitken Waterman (SAW) 80s Video Megamix Part 1" into youtube to see what I mean!!!
Watched 'Kick ass' the other day and that's one fucking great film, go see it and if you've already seen it, then go see it again.
Conservatives have got into power through the back door, nobody wanted them and the daft cunt who is David Cameron doesn't realise that no one wants him in power so he's teamed up with Nick Clegg and basically declared himself prime minister, fucking twat. no-one voted him into power so he should have fucked off, all the MPs should have been sacked, let the parties sort themselves out and then lets have another vote in a month or something and then see if there's a winner because we were all voting for the best of a bad bunch, it was a lose/lose situation, whoever got into power, but at least the fucker should be voted into power by the public, you don't order a taxi and then all the taxi ranks get together and decide to send you a donkey do you?
basically, the sooner David Cameron realises that no one fucking likes him the better.
Stupid Cunting Toff.
Johnny Arrow and the Cheap Day Returns have a new album out soon, just saying like, so, you know, go buy it or something, altenatively wait till I buy it and I'll put it on pirate bay.

Well, I'm done now, take care people.

Woggzeh

Hello people.

Bit bored so I thought I would look up some old film people and see what they are doing now and what they look like,(mainly what the look like.) And so I thought I would share that information with you.

Phoebe Cates:



Turns out Phoebe married Kevin Kline and dropped out of making movies which is a shame because I fancied fuck out her when I was a kiddywink. Especially as I got to see her knockers in 'Fast Times At Ridgemont High' (google it, you can see the pics yourself, man)

Anyway, I'm pleased to report that even at the grand old age of 47, she's still pretty hot!

Judge Reinhold:



This guy was in loads of 80's films but seemed to drop off the radar. although I am pleased to tell you that now 53, he's still in the movie business, but hasn't aged well.

Zach Galligan:



The kid from Gremlins who gets given Gizmo, he's still making film, mostly B-movies from the look of them, recently in a movie called 'Cut' with Danielle Lloyd. I think that says a lot about where his career has gone. Looking old at 46.

The Goonies.



Now all stars in their own right, and will always be brilliant. her they are then and now.

Fred Savage.



I used to watch Fred in the Wonder Years,he played Kevin Arnold. Then he went off our screens and then he was back on our screens in Austin Powers. Turns out that Fred was doing stuff behind the camera, like directing and, I don't know, picking his nose.
He directs one my favourite shows "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia"

Danica McKellar



Who didn't fancie 'Winnie' from the Wonder Years? She was Kevin's ultimate muse, and I thought she was smashing, kind of a geeky kid, but you knew she had something! and boy oh boy am I glad I found these pics of her! (google for more)

Oh and the other kid in the Wonder years Paul Pfiefer didn't grow up to be Marilyn Manson!

Richard Holian:



This fella played Jonny Briggs on the BBC when I was a lad, I only added him here because he apparently lives in Leeds and I'm willing to bet someone knows him. Apparently he's a twat.

That'll do.

If you liked this post, let me know, also let me know if there is anyone you'd like me to include if I do another like this.

Laters!

Woggzeh